Does the thought of being vulnerable with your man or anyone for that matter leave you feeling shaky in the knees?
Afraid that showing vulnerability means you are showing your weaknesses? And if you do that most everyone will run, not walk, in to take advantage of you, stomp all over you, or maybe laugh at you behind your back (or worse right in your face) for being spineless?
Do you fear that if you relinquish hold on your determination to be strong, release the image of a stoic woman, if you show that you don’t have it all under control, can’t do it all, that you hurt sometimes and cry tears, your man will take the opportunity to poke even bigger holes in your armor, look for ways to push your buttons, run roughshod over and through you, maybe even reject you, possibly leave you out of scorn, boredom, or lack of respect?
I used to feel this way about being vulnerable. I thought it was a good thing being a tough chick, able to withstand any hurt or trauma with a brave face. That nothing ever got to me, bothered me. I thought I would be admired for being resilient, a fighter, a survivor. I thought I would be loved more if I showed that I could do anything and everything. And I did all of this with great pride.
Ignoring Where You Feel Vulnerable Is Ignoring An Important Part Of Yourself
And ignoring important parts of yourself is being inauthentic. A poor basis for the kind of relationship you would want.
For this means you are hiding most of the places where you feel soft and gooey (if you can still feel them), and the places where you feel unsure, insecure, where and how you feel fear and pain (which I feel very sure you feel in spades, for what you deny will only grow). Is this you?
- Does the thought of letting your guard down feel terrifying?
- Do you think no man would ever want you if you wavered? Or revealed even a glimpse of those “faults” you have?
- And if by some miracle one did, don’t you feel sure he would abuse the privilege?
- And if by chance one or more of your vulnerabilities leak out (accidentally of course), do you feel embarrassed, wanting to hide for the shame.
- Would you then shake in fear, waiting for something terrible which is sure to happen.
I am here to tell you that you are SO wrong about this.
Show Your Vulnerability In All Its Splendor
Exposing yourself, feeling and allowing vulnerability, showing and expressing your feelings is one of the most precious gifts you can give.
And this might surprise you. I mean this mostly as a gift to YOURSELF. This truly is an amazing gift to give to YOU.
The more you can sink into the feelings that accompany you being open and vulnerable, the more you will eventually be able to FULLY feel and experience.
And this means everything, the good feeling feelings as well as the bad feeling ones.
This helps YOU expand YOU. The more you do this, the more room for life and love there is, for you, for others, AND for a special man.
Yes you risk pain, but that’s a part of love.
Allowing Yourself To Be Vulnerable Brings A Man Closer
Delightfully and wonderfully, opening your loving heart, laying your soul bare to a good man, the kind of man YOU would want makes him fall for you over and over again.
For he will feel increasingly safe with you, and a man who feels safe and also feels your big, beautiful heart, faults, shortcomings, and all, is a man who will never let you go. You will have his heart forever.
If you are in a relationship where you struggle for whatever reason, try shifting this within yourself, try daring to take the risk and be vulnerable.
Allowing yourself to be vulnerable will give you the greatest chance of restoring what you once had.
And this will probably deepen your relationship to places you have never gone before, a huge part of what true intimacy is about.
Now this isn’t at all about if your man gives this to you first, as in showing you his heart, sharing his troubles, his joys, his triumphs. This isn’t about him opening up to you so that you feel safer reciprocating.
And this isn’t necessarily about sharing your experiences. And this is NOT talking about your healing process. Please don’t.
- This is about letting yourself be fully authentic, vulnerable you, NOW.
- This is about sharing your feelings and by far MOSTLY the good feeling ones, for the more you do this, the less there will be bad feeling feelings to begin with.
- This is about being silly, laughing at yourself when you err, admitting your mistakes, being able to say, “I don’t know”.
- This is very much about ASKING FOR HELP when you need it or simply want it.
- This is about keeping your heart as open as possible, as an invitation.
- This is about being LOVE, the love you were born as.
I can’t imagine being any other way anymore. Being vulnerable, being real, being authentically you is not all a position of weakness. It is instead a position of tremendous strength. And you still get to be a fighter, a survivor as well as an open-hearted, soft, loving goddess being too.
From The Editors: We love Dominique as a person, and think she’s one of the best coaches around. She’s the ONLY coach we recommend to women who want to open their hearts and find their true selves in a deep emotional, physical, spiritual, sensual and sexual way. Start with her ebook “Sex and Heart” – and finally get the courage, to be truly vulnerable–>>