by Carol Allen
Have you ever felt that a man didn’t appreciate your sense of humor? Or have you ever dated a man that made you CRINGE each time he opened his mouth in public? How about when you had something exciting to share with him, and he just rolled his eyes and walked away, making you feel really dumb? If you’ve ever felt like a man didn’t “get” you, it could just be that you didn’t share the same temperament.
We all come in with a basic personality that is “pre-loaded at the factory.” To truly feel comfortable and be ourselves around a man, it’s ideal if his fundamental nature and yours are similar.
Have you ever had a man “shoosh” you in public? You know – you laughed too loud at a movie, or told an off-color joke, or were really animated while telling him a story at a restaurant, and he leaned over and actually put his finger to his lips and went, “Shhhhhhhhhh…” And if that wasn’t enough, he then looked around, embarrassed, to make sure no one heard you, and gave a little “tsk, tsk,” for good measure on TOP of his oh-so-parental shooshing, and said, “Honey, not so loud…” Painful, right?
Well, that’s a true story of something that an old boyfriend used to do to ME on a fairly regular basis. Why? Because we had different temperaments! (And he was just no darn fun, but that’s beside the point… Don’t worry – I got rid of him fairly quickly. :))
Here’s the crazy part: I figured out as soon as I went home from my first date with him that we were astrologically incompatible… I KNEW we had different temperaments, and that he therefore would NOT appreciate many of my insights, ideas, or ways of expressing myself.
But I made a “classic” mistake. I looked at our sad, star-crossed data and said to myself, “But he’s so cute. I’ll just have to beat the planets!” Ever done the old, “But he’s so cute…” routine once a “relationship red flag” was on the “field of love?” To quote Dr. Phil, “How’s that working for ya?”
Here’s the deal, after seventeen years of being an astrologer, I can honestly say YOU CAN’T BEAT THE PLANETS. If you’re going to be involved with a man with whom you do not share the harmonious sensibilities, you’re going to have to pay the price.
And the price is high. Much higher than being shooshed in public. If you have incompatible temperaments with a man it manifests in several ways: When you’re feeling emotionally-charged about something and you need to share it with him, he’ll act like you’re being too talkative or too dramatic, and he’ll just sit there with a “so what?” look on his face… You’ll constantly feel like you have to explain your feelings or clarify what you’re thinking. And when you do explain them, he’ll often dismiss or invalidate them as “wrong.” Worse, he won’t be able to comfort you when you’re having an extreme emotion – when you’re sad, mad, or frustrated, instead of being able to make you feel more secure and soothed, he’ll only shut down and go away…
He often embarrasses you in public, or stresses you out whenever you have an intense conversation. You can’t understand why he gets so “worked up” about things all the time. It leaves you feeling exhausted and tense. Ever had THAT happen? I don’t mean to suggest that he has to become a big jerk or that you’re some big drama queen. It’s just that you’re both confused by each other’s responses to things, and you don’t really know why.
So what’s a girl to do? You quickly learn that you have to be on your best behavior all the time, or you can easily make him uncomfortable or upset. Or, as in my case from above, embarrassed by you when you’re simply being yourself… Leaving both of you NOT feeling loved or understood. Ugh. None of this is personal. But it sure feels like it is… (Sorta like when Tony Soprano has somebody “whacked” but says, “It’s not personal, it’s just business…”)
So, let me tell you what it’s like when you have compatible (or best of all – the SAME) temperaments with a man… He laughs just as loudly at the things that make you laugh. He can tell what’s going on with you without you needing to explain it to him in great detail, and actually understands how you feel. It’s as if you have an emotional shorthand that makes you both effortlessly GET each other.
The powerful result of his understanding your feelings is that he then doesn’t DISMISS them but instead says such love-inducing things as, “Of course you feel that way. I would, too.” Or, even better yet, “I feel that way about that, as well. You’re a genius…” These conversations with him will have a heart melting, libido-igniting effect, making you want to rip your clothes off whenever he enters the room. And that, strangely, will make him happy.
Do you see the domino-effect of positive events here? So, do yourself a favor and find out if the man in your life is temperamentally your match. If he’s NOT but you’re already committed to him, you can take comfort in the knowledge that he’s not trying to belittle your feelings – he just feels differently. This can feel like a HUGE relief, and the next time he rolls his eyes or “shooshes” you, you can chuckle to yourself about it instead of taking it too personally or REACTING.
This is especially helpful to know if you’ve just started seeing someone and you’re feeling a lot of “chemistry” but you’re not quite sure if he’s a good match for you. Knowing his temperament is one of the KEYS to finding out what your long-term compatibility is with a man, and whether you’ll have an easy, passionate relationship, or whether you’re going to have to work on it a little bit more than you expect. I guess you’ll have to be the judge of that, depending on how “cute” he is and how much you’re willing to let go of.
And if you discover that you have found your “right man” indeed, then you can thank your lucky stars. And may God and his planets and stars shower you with love!
From Sarah: Carol has great help for you – and not just about Astrology – she’s a fabulous relationship coach with a huge following and so many success stories – her letters and reports are amazing –Go right here to get her free newsletters->