by Carol Allen
If you’ve ever been confused in your love life, and unsure of how to handle something while dating or in a relationship, you’re not alone. In my experience, most women don’t truly understand what it takes to make a connection with a man be all that it can.
If you’re like most women, you have no idea how much power, and almost MAGIC you possess when it comes to men. So instead of having powerful, magical relationships that last and last, you have ones that start off seemingly good only to quickly get off track…
Why is this so common? It’s pretty much always the same reason – your relationship skills need an upgrade.
Has this ever happened to you? You met a man you felt an instant WOW with, falling for him hard, feeling a connection and closeness you’d only heard of in the movies…He felt the same way, and you were both so excited, and so happy, and so attracted to each other – and when you were together time just flew. You couldn’t believe your luck. Finally, at last – HERE HE WAS – and it was all so thrilling… But then something happened and to your amazement, he ultimately ended up pulling away from you, or acting like a jerk, or letting you down, and you couldn’t believe it. It’s like he became someone else…
The man you fell in love with was suddenly nowhere to be found – all you could find was his evil twin who was nothing like the guy you fell for. It’s like THAT guy was a mere figment of your imagination, never to be seen again. (Cue the sound of crashing cars and screeching violins here…) Ouch.
What the hell happened? If you can relate – if you’ve ever felt close to a man that you thought you knew, but it turned out you didn’t know him so well after all, here’s what might have gone wrong…In the first few months of a new romance, your brain and that of your love interest release a euphoric chemical cocktail that makes you both feel invincible.
The term “madly in love” isn’t far off – the brains of people newly in love look just like the brains of people with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Which is partially why you’re so obsessed with each other. One of the chemicals of your Brain Love Cocktail is called Dopamine, and its effects are much like an opiate – you know, like HEROIN. You feel so alive, and so exuberant, and so HIGH, that you truly don’t need to eat or sleep. It’s absolute bliss.
It’s like having chocolate, and margaritas, and shortbread cookies, all at once. (Hmmm, chocolate shortbread margaritas…I’ll have to try those. :)) Yummy…
Not only that, but your man becomes hormonally just like you. Suddenly, all he wants to do is talk about his feelings, and connect emotionally, and snuggle with you all the time. This combination of factors (not to mention the fact that you’re both on your “best behavior” for a while, always dressing just right, and being extra polite to each other) makes you feel so good together. It’s like living in heaven right here on earth. You’re just sure you’ll feel this way for forever.
But then a little something happens at about the four to six month point. The dopamine stops being released in both of your brains. The O.C.D. goes away. And suddenly the man becomes hormonally like, well… a man….Uh oh.
No longer does he want to share his innermost feelings and connect on a deeply emotional, spiritual level, and be your personal cuddle bunny. (Yes, the scientific term for it is “Cuddle Bunny.” Look it up…) And suddenly the two of you feel very different from one another, and very little like those blissful love birds you were up to this point…You’ll think to yourself, “Who is THIS guy? And where did Lover Boy go?” Waaaa…
So here’s the deal – in the first six or so months you can seem compatible with just about anyone. You can feel close and connected with a guy that you’re actually not that close and connected with. You can feel deeply bonded to a man you don’t actually like or respect very much. It’s kinda scary.
That dopamine stuff makes it so you only see each other’s good qualities – so the shiny, pretty parts of his personality will be all you notice, and the things that would normally send you running for the hills will seem like minor details. Or you won’t see them at all. It’s brutal, but true.
This is why you’ve had friends who are so great, and so together, but they gave their all to a total bozo, and you just couldn’t see why they couldn’t see him for the bozo that he was. Yikes!
Find out if you can understand each other, communicate well, have easy progress as a couple, and enjoy friendship and comfort together, or if after a while he’ll make you feel insecure and exhausted. Every relationship has a cost – find out if yours will be WORTH IT, paying you in love dividends from now on, or making you emotionally depleted and in romantic debt.
The better your relationship skills, the more smooth this transition from “euphoric cuddle bunnies” to two people in a real relationship will be. Here’s the amazing thing…Relationship and marriage studies the world over all say the same thing – there are rules to making relationships work. Master the rules, and you’ll have a masterful relationship that can last – for life. (And that creates a different kind of euphoria – that which comes from peace of mind and emotional support over the long haul – which is actually much BETTER than the high of new love, though not as exciting.)
Break the rules, and you’ll have nothing but broken relationships.
It’s actually been scientifically proven that if you know the rules, your odds of ever divorcing drop by as much as 50%. Even if you never get therapy… or a personality makeover. In other words, if you learn the right INFORMATION of what works in love, you’ll be HALF as likely to ever end up divorced. That’s a mouthful, sister…
Sadly, that means that HALF of all divorces and breakups are a needless, senseless waste. It’s pretty tragic if you think about it. Think of all the broken homes that could be avoided, the children that could stay with both parents, the strength that would bring to communities, and even future generations. It’s mindboggling. It’s incalculable really…
Studies show that even Global Warming is hugely impacted by relationships. Just think – a family that only needed one home and used one house worth of resources but then breaks up, ends up using the resources of TWO homes. Isn’t that crazy?
Here’s the good news – the rules of relationships can be learned by anyone, and we’re in a unique time in history when they’ve been studied and systematically broken down and made readily available for all of us. It’s like having the keys to the Universe…
May God and his planets and stars shower you with love!
From Sarah: Carol has great help for you – and not just about Astrology – she’s a fabulous relationship coach with a huge following and so many success stories – her letters and reports are amazing –Go right here to get her free newsletters->