by Rori Raye
A response to Leslie’s relationship:
Leslie – so glad you wrote, for many reasons.
1. I’ve been thinking about you a lot, and how I could best help you – you’re already so conscious, so upbeat (you remind me of the Sally Hawkins
heroine in “Happy Go Lucky” – irrepressible, upbeat..)
2. You already speak in Feeling Messages (what you said to Eric)
3. I love reading your writing and can’t wait for your novel….
What I see and what I know is this…You can be the girl in a relationship, or you can be the boy.
Eric is clearly a feminine energy man (at least right now with this situation) who’s getting pulled in by the other woman – and this is where he’s most comfortable.
What You Could Do in Your Relationship
If you wanted to – I’ve had 2 clients do this…and both of them ended up so bored and discouraged with the man…you could go total “boy” with him – call him, tell him to come over, stroke him, tell him he needs to be with you, that you want him, then sleep with him, and basically CLAIM him…and…. that just doesn’t seem like you.
Yet – the attraction is based on a “what can’t be” scenario.
The literature and statistics are filled with unconscious women getting great men and being happy (though we don’t know for sure if that’s true).
But that’s not you, either.
So – who are you? What does Leslie’s scenario look like? Is there an actress or celebrity who has the life you want? Meryl Streep and her sculptor husband seem like a good model, here… Look at Jennifer Aniston – what do you think’s wrong there? She got Brad, and then…now…nothing works…and she’s adorable and adored.
Is there some woman you can recognize in you and model her a bit?
Use her for inspiration and hope?
Questions about Eric in Your Relationship:
So – now ask yourself – what is it about him that’s like me? What is it about him that’s like me that I don’t want to be like me?
What is it about him that’s totally unlike me – maybe the opposite? What does he have that I don’t have? Or that I don’t want or don’t think I want? What does he have that I want in myself?
Basically…ask yourself what would happen if you only allowed men in your life who are uncomplicated, know what they want, and don’t seem to be afraid of being with you – in a permanent relationship?
And what would be the downside of this man?
Upbeat, Pollyanna, looking at the bright side…I know this in myself, and it’s a blessing. And yet – it can also cover up the deeper stuff.
Ask yourself where you’re skating on the surface of things.
Ask yourself what you’re most afraid of?
Ask yourself what would happen if you got what you wanted – even if it wasn’t in the form of Eric? What would be scary about that? What would you have to do to get it?
Right now – the place to go is exploring…and action-wise – I say get the New Jersey house re-rented – or consider moving there…what does THAT feel like?
Lots to explore here, and come up with a plan…and I think your plan is to be yourself more and more and more and discover what that is…and what man is your match.
Sincerely, Rori Raye
From Sarah: Rori’s got such powerful relationship advice, and her Have The Relationship You Want ebook is always the first place I go when I need help. Her stuff works. She’s got simple but incredible free tools to use to strengthen your confidence, joy and self-esteem and attract the kind of man you want in your life. Check her out, get her free newsletters, and get what you want from your relationship–>