Clean communication is the key to any successful relationship. With unclear communication, problems crop up at unexpected places.
“You hurt me the other day…”
“I’ve noticed things have been a little off.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I didn’t know what to say? Why didn’t you tell me what was going on?”
“I didn’t think you would hear me, just like the hundred other times when you’re being really selfish and hard to talk to!”
“I’m selfish? You’re the one that….”
You can see that this conversation is headed down a very difficult road. And most likely will not help them get to a loving and connected place.
I talk about this in my book, “How To Talk To A Man.”
There are ways to navigate these hurt feelings that can actually bring you and your guy closer.
There are things you need to say, and there are definitely things you need NOT to say.
If you say something that is blaming or confusing to him, he will shut down.
All of us, when we listen, we hear words, then we make an interpretation.
And men are notoriously unskilled at picking up the nuances of what women say.
Choosing clear, simple, straight-forward and yet non-attacking words while communicating with a man is important.
Loving communication isn’t about being careful about what you say – it IS about communicating with care.
So how can you be authentic, be totally yourself, say what you mean and speak about how you feel and what you need…
…and still take care not to make him wrong?
Especially if you’re feeling angry at something he did or didn’t do or did or didn’t say?
In “How To Talk To A Man” I provide you with guidelines and scripts that will help you express yourself with care.
This kind of communication care is even more important if the relationship is already going bad and you wish to save it.
Freedom in communication is glorious, fun, and creates closeness and harmony (even if you’re communicating about anger and disappointment) – and the more you take care to be sure that your man hears you and feels good about the communication (even if he doesn’t like what you’re saying…) the better EVERYTHING gets!
Not only do you get to be a couple who speak their mind without walking on eggshells, you get to build the intimacy and excitement and thrills in the relationship.
Keeping your thoughts and feelings to yourself leads to frustration, disappointment and angry outbursts.
Honest and clean speaking starts the juices flowing – for love, connection, intimacy and a future happy life together.
Jeffrey Levine is a corporate coach and trained mediator (and Rori Raye’s husband) who works with both men and women to improve their communication, deepen their connection and remove the blocks that keep them from feeling and expressing love. He is the author of “How To Talk To A Man,” which contains invaluable advice, tools and solutions to help you avoid common relationship pitfalls, and clean things up when they go south. “Every moment presents a new choice for you: a decision about what you want – and what you believe you deserve.”