by Christian Carter
Continuing with the reasons why the successful woman often complains of difficulty getting men:
REASON #1: INDEPENDENT AND SUCCESSFUL WOMEN ARE SMART ENOUGH TO BE DANGEROUS
Have you ever noticed that other smart and successful women around you are often the ones alone or in the least fulfilling relationships?
And have you ever noticed that no matter how intellectually educated a woman is, it doesn’t make her immune to the problems of love that a broke or uneducated woman might face?
How can that be?
Does that mean an education and success is worthless?
No. But it does mean that one doesn’t have ANYTHING to do with the other.
Lots of women assume that since they’re intelligent that they can FIGURE OUT or solve any dumb little dating or relationship dilemma. They think that all it takes is enough focus and determination and they’ll work everything out. This couldn’t be further from the truth.
You can’t “think” a man into feeling something for you. Just like you can’t get a man to treat you differently just because you logically figured out what’s wrong with him and you let him know. In fact, doing the latter is more likely to have you standing alone in the cold than being held tightly in his arms.
Being “right” doesn’t mean you’ll be loved.
REASON #2: BELIEVING IN THE “MEN DON’T LIKE SUCCESSFUL WOMEN” MYTH
I can’t tell you how many women I talk to that tell me how men are scared, afraid, turned off by or intimidated by successful or independent women.
I get where they’re coming from, but they’ve confused one thing for another.
The truth is, men DON’T DISLIKE successful women. But they DON’T LIKE them either.
Let me explain…
It’s obvious in this day in age that being successful and independent aren’t “male” qualities that exclude women from being attractive if they have them. But here’s the thing…
Most men DON’T CARE how successful a woman is.
I mean that literally. They don’t care.
Here’s why –
No matter what a woman does for a living, and no matter how much money she makes, none of that is going to make a man FEEL anything for a woman. Following me here?
Are you attracted to a man JUST because he’s rich or successful or can buy whatever he wants?
Obviously not. A man’s success can add to his appeal, but it doesn’t create it.
Men aren’t any different in how they feel about women. But lots of women who are successful secretly believe that their success should change how men act around them. And some women, just like men often do, start to rely on their success to attract men.
The truth is, success isn’t going to turn a man on or create a great situation. If a woman doesn’t UNDERSTAND how to attract a man and create a great relationship, becoming successful isn’t going to change that.
But being a woman who LEARNS to ATTRACT men and create the right situation for love AND also happens to be successful is.
REASON #3: SUCCESS ITSELF WON’T GET YOU THERE
Being successful can be a nice quality or a “bonus” about a woman, but inside a man’s mind, success has nothing to do with whether or not he feels ATTRACTION or LOVE.
But, lots of successful women seem to be disappointed by this. Understandably, they’re frustrated that the respect and status that they’ve earned at the office or in life hasn’t translated over to their love life. Even though in the back of their minds they keep thinking that becoming successful has worked for men all these years.
This isn’t how it works for men either. So, let me use that as an example.
Just because a man is successful or rich, a genuine and open woman doesn’t care anything about that. She only cares about how he makes her FEEL.
Most women just want to know that a man makes her FEEL ATTRACTED to him, and that he’s open and loving and he’ll always be the strong and solid person that he is today.
So, even if a man is rich and handsome, if he doesn’t LEARN to become a good partner who makes a woman EXPERIENCE LOVE and FEEL ATTRACTION, then the women isn’t going to respond. Like it or not, it works the same way for successful women.
Success won’t buy you love, affection or get you shortcuts to a great situation with a man. It just might help get you in the door.
REASON #4: ASSUMING THAT SUCCESS “STRATEGIES” CROSS OVER TO MEN AND RELATIONSHIPS
Successful women have obviously found and used smart “strategies” to get where they are with the people around them.
They try and test all kinds of new ideas, approaches, attitudes, etc., until they find what works and then they stick with what’s best. And things go great. It’s like they’ve got the world and everyone around them all figured out. That is, until they run into a “guy problem” and somehow everything seems to instantly go whacko and stop working.
So, they just take their best strategy and try harder and harder at it, so sure that it will work since they’ve seen the world open up to them with it. But, there are no results this time and it’s a total shock to the system.
Men are the WORST at doing this, by the way.
Tons of husbands come home each night and try to run their family and marriage with the logic and efficiency that they use to make things work in business.
How do you think that works out?
REASON #5: SUCCESSFUL WOMEN OFTEN “ACCIDENTALLY” PREVENT MEN FROM NATURALLY FEELING ATTRACTION
Have you ever thought about how a man falls in love with a woman?
One of the most important and central elements of love that takes a man from just “interested” to “in love” with a woman is experiencing a LOSS of CONTROL and the absence of PREDICTABILITY with the woman. And no, this doesn’t mean that he gives control over to the woman and she has it.
When a man is experiencing ATTRACTION and CHEMISTRY with a woman and he DOESN’T know exactly what’s going to happen next, then everything becomes terribly exciting. And if the woman isn’t acting controlling or manipulative, then there’s a “space” or “void” that’s created between the man and woman.
It’s this natural “psychological space” that moves the man closer and closer to the woman as he’s trying to close the “emotional gap” between them. Then the man begins to wonder what he can do to win over more of the woman’s affections and attention. And it’s this out-of-control feeling and the desire to fill in the gap between himself and the woman that starts the classic patterns of love.
Unfortunately, lots of successful women get in THEIR OWN WAY and prevent the natural patterns that lead to love from taking place.
The most common way that successful women get in their own way is when they starting doing things to control each and every aspect of what’s going on between her and the man.
*Cue the semi-obsessive behaviors like those that the reader mentioned in her email.
Like plotting to be where a man will be or and pretend to have “run into him”.
I think a lot of us can identify with that kind of behavior in one way or another.
The problem with these kinds of behaviors is that they do something damaging to us when we use them. These are self-manipulations that stir up all kinds of anxiety and distance in your own mind.
AVOID THESE kinds of things because they only lead to more obsessive worrying and more plotting. It’s part of what’s called a negative feedback loop.
What’s most important here is that these behaviors do an almost perfect job of destroying the “tension” a man and a woman both feel when there’s a “natural” flow of energy between them.
Find the next two reasons in part 3 of this article
on successful women and dating.
From Sarah: You’ll want to get Christian’s free eletters – they’re all amazing, like this one, and once he’s sent them out, you won’t see them again (except here – and I’m working my way through my favorites for you) – just go here to learn more about how Christian knows so much about women (oh, and he SO does…) and to get his free advice->