by Christian Carter
Have you ever thought that some men just don’t like strong, smart women like you? Why do successful women dating have such a problem.
What’s up with that!?
Are men that weak and immature?
Well, let me ask you an important question about the men and love in your life.
By the way, how you answer this question could tell the difference between finding a fun, loving and almost effortless relationship that works out in the long term.
Being single and lonely because every man you get close to ends up resisting and withdrawing from the love and connection you know could be there.
So here’s the important question I have for you –
Does NOT having the love and relationship you truly want in your life change how you act as a woman?
Think about it for a second.
I’m asking because I recently got an amazing email. In the email, a woman shares her realization about herself and men that has changed her attitude and perspective about love for the better. Check out her FASCINATING email….
>>>> Email From A Reader
I found your book to be incredibly interesting and quite insightful. Lots of moments of clarity on a subject that is, at least for me, fairly foggy. While I’m not exactly new to the dating game, each experience I have had with dating, boyfriends and even a fiance has turned up new and exciting horror stories. And then all of a sudden, I think I see the light.
In reading your notes about women who subconsciously send signals of essentially being too interested and men’s responses to them, I totally saw myself. While I am more than a little reserved about an outright appearance of “needy” (I’m a very attractive, well educated, highly successful woman and I don’t NEED anyone…right??) I suddenly realize, after reading your book, that my inner emotional state is actually very high-pressure, even if I try (probably unsuccessfully) to hide it.
It’s my inner control freak taking over. I find myself dressing a little nicer when I think I might run into the boy-du-jour. Positioning myself in places where I might “run into” him (I swear I’m not a stalker, but I think most women actually engage in this kind of ridiculousness). Fantasizing about my life with him in it. And all of a sudden, there I am, trying to take control and ensure the proper development of this “relationship”. (of course – I’m always in control, right? That’s how I’ve gotten so far in my career and other areas of life…) And then, inexplicably, the more I try to control the situation by impatiently interfering with the natural flow of things, the more I lose my patience and emotional cool.
My long-winded point is, that prior to reading your book, I had not been able to step back from my own issues enough to realize that my “control” was actually making me lose control. Amazingly, this explains not only my own relationship breakdowns, but those of most of my gorgeous, successful girlfriends who also seem to have no luck with men. We have successfully built careers (and great figures) with hard work, persistence, and ultimately achieving control of our situations. It’s a pattern that has worked in careers where competition and winning is key.
However, sometimes I think we view romantic interactions with men, not as an interpersonal communication in which we must evaluate the other person’s point of view, but as just another part of the life scheme that has been set forth for every good superwoman- the significant other that we are expected and expect to have.
The problem is that you never “have” another person. Nor should you. Your book made me step back and reevaluate how I have been going about dating- as though it was a means to an end. And I firmly believe that this was the point of breakdown for me (and probably for lots of other women). Dating must be viewed as a means to a relationship with another person, not as a means to HAVE that other person. Thus, that person’s needs must be objectively evaluated as very much separate from my own.
If men can be happy and even have a need to pursue and compete, then why be readily available? It just doesn’t make sense when you put it that way. And you did. As a result of your book, I truly believe I will be able to reevaluate the way I look at the men I date- as PEOPLE. With individual interests, needs, wants, beliefs and expectations. Not as extensions of myself (like MY career and MY home) that I build based on my expectations, interests, etc.
Thank you so much for sharing your gift of a fresh perspective, no doubt based upon plenty of extensive research. I really think this will change dating for me.
Sincerely, A.W. in
>>>> My Response
I love hearing from smart, analytical and thoughtful successful women like you.
Thanks for being so open and sharing your personal experiences… and for the feedback about my book. There’s something really FASCINATING about what you’ve brought up.
Over the last several 20 or 30 years, as women have started to enjoy a more “equal” place in society with careers, opportunity, etc., something strange has happened. Have you noticed that women are often no longer considered “womanly” or “feminine” once they’ve become independent and successful in their own right?
And not coincidentally, everywhere I go I hear women talk about how much it sucks that men are intimidated by successful women and don’t want to be with women who are on an “equal” or higher standing.
Well, with so many women talking about this phenomenon, I’ve thought a lot about how and why this is happening to women. And why men are responding the way they are. How can being smarter, more independent, talented, etc. than other women and other men actually become something negative?
After lots of research, observation, and personal experience, here’s what I realized about the “plight” of the successful and independent woman…
Go to Part 2 of this article on successful women to find the reasons why
successful women often have a HARDER TIME than other women finding love.
From Sarah: You’ll want to get Christian’s free eletters – they’re all amazing, like this one, and once he’s sent them out, you won’t see them again (except here – and I’m working my way through my favorites for you) – just go here to learn more about how Christian knows so much about successful women dating (oh, and he SO does…) and to get his free advice