by Carol Allen

Have you ever been confused in your love life, and unsure of how to handle something while dating or in a relationship?

You’re not alone. In my experience, most women don’t truly understand what it takes to make a connection with a man be all that it can, and why men withdraw – even after they seem so “into us.”

If you’re like most women, you have no idea how much power, and almost MAGIC you possess when it comes to men. So instead of having powerful, magical relationships that last and last, you have ones that start off seemingly good only to quickly get off track…

Why is this so common?

Because there’s something you don’t quite get about a guy, or something that just doesn’t “work” for him about your relationship. Has this ever happened to you?

You met a man you felt an instant WOW with, falling for him hard, feeling a connection and closeness you’d only heard of in the movies…

He felt the same way, and you were both so excited, and so happy, and so attracted to each other – and when you were together time just flew. You couldn’t believe your luck. Finally, at last – HERE HE WAS – and it was all so thrilling…

But then something happened and to your amazement, he ultimately ended up pulling away from you, or acting like a jerk, or letting you down, and you couldn’t believe it. It’s like he became someone else…

The man you fell in love with was suddenly nowhere to be found – all you could find was his evil twin who was nothing like the guy you fell for. It’s like THAT guy was a mere figment of your imagination, never to be seen again. Ouch. What happened?

The Reasons Why Men Withdraw

If you can relate – if you’ve ever felt close to a man that you thought you knew, but it turned out you didn’t know him so well after all, here’s what might have gone wrong…

In the first few months of a new romance, your brain and that of your love interest release a euphoric chemical cocktail that makes you both feel invincible. The term “madly in love” isn’t far off – the brains of people newly in love look just like the brains of people with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

Which is partially why you’re so obsessed with each other.

One of the chemicals of your Brain Love Cocktail is called Dopamine, and its effects are much like an opiate – you know, like HEROIN.

You feel so alive, and so exuberant, and so HIGH, that you truly don’t need to eat or sleep.

It’s absolute bliss. It’s like having chocolate, and margaritas, and shortbread cookies, all at once. Not only that, but your man becomes hormonally just like you.

Suddenly, all he wants to do is talk about his feelings, and connect emotionally, and snuggle with you all the time.

This combination of factors (not to mention the fact that you’re both on your “best behavior” for a while, always dressing just right, and being extra polite to each other) makes you feel so good together. It’s like living in heaven right here on earth. You’re just sure you’ll feel this way for forever.

But then a little something happens at about the four to six month point. The dopamine stops being released in both of your brains and suddenly the man becomes hormonally like, well… a man!

This Is What Makes Men Withdraw

No longer does he want to share his innermost feelings and connect on a deeply emotional, spiritual level, and be your personal cuddle bunny. (Yes, the scientific term for it is “Cuddle Bunny.” Look it up.)

And suddenly the two of you feel very different from one another, and very little like those blissful love birds you were up to this point… You’ll think to yourself, Who is THIS guy? And where did Lover Boy go?So here’s the deal – in the first six or so months you can seem compatible with just about anyone. You can feel close and connected with a guy that you’re actually not that close and connected with. You can feel deeply bonded to a man you don’t actually like or respect very much. It’s kinda scary.

men withdrawThat dopamine stuff makes it so you only see each others good qualities – so the shiny, pretty parts of his personality will be all you notice, and the things that would normally send you running for the hills will seem like minor details.

Or you won’t see them at all.

It’s brutal, but true. This is why you’ve had friends who are so great, and so together, but they gave their all to a total bozo, and you just couldn’t see why they couldn’t see him for the bozo that he was.

So what you want is to take all this “excitement” for the hormonal rush that it is.  Understand that it’s not always something that “happened” that answers the “why” of why men withdraw. Sometimes it’s just hormones making a non-working relationship seem like a real relationship. Instead of worrying about the men who disappeared,  look for a relationship that creates a different kind of euphoria – the excitement and pleasure that comes from peace of mind and emotional support over the long haul – which is actually much BETTER than the high of new love.

why men withdrawIt may not be as exciting right off the bat – but the long haul keeps the genuine excitement of love and intimacy for your whole lifetime.

Carol Allen has counseled thousands of people in the areas of relationships, finances, career, health, real estate, travel, and conception and is a lifetime member of The American Council of Vedic Astrology. For two decades she’s counseled clients in the area of compatibility and relationships. Click here to order your “Right Man Report” – Your compatibility with a man and the very destiny of your relationship is written in the stars.


  1. Tina T on February 22, 2009 at 2:54 pm

    There are definitely some rules that all successful marriages follow. Some couples fall into these behaviors naturally because they do work and they just naturally repeat them, but other couples need to learn them. It doesn’t really matter if you discover the rules on your own or with help, if you consistently apply them you’ll have a great relationship.

  2. Khethiwe on August 12, 2009 at 6:13 am

    Please send me the rules

  3. Editor on August 19, 2009 at 1:40 pm

    Khethiwe, so cool that you want more help from Carol – and you can get it for free in her newsletters, or send her a personal note that way…just go here: To get Carol Allen’s free newsletters->

  4. Brad on January 2, 2011 at 10:48 pm

    Its funny- when WOMEN go cold, she’s just “not that interested”. When men do the same thing, it’s withdrawing and going cold for no reason. You girls have been raised thinking you have power over men because of what is between your legs. Some guys just won’t be ruled by that. If a guy is not into you suddenly, it’s probably because you are being a giant pain in the ass and he doenst want to deal with it. I have female friends who have weird hairdos, are mouthy, complain all the time, and then wonder why they cant find a boyfriend. NO GUY WANTS TO PUT UP WITH THAT.

  5. Sarah on January 4, 2011 at 8:40 pm

    Brad – I know this is hard for a man to comprehend. Some women, yes, think they’re “all that” – and bravo to them – But most of us don’t. Most of us have been raised to feel quite powerless. And though you might think of yourself as a ‘good guy” – if you had sex with a woman only to have a good time, and she fell for you – and turned out to be very dependent and clingy – the help you might need here is with your “picker.” In other words – why are you gravitating towards women who are clingy, and if you know you don’t want a serious relationship with them, why are you having sex with them and allowing them to become attached to you? Sincerely Sarah.

  6. Lana on January 29, 2011 at 8:17 pm

    I do think that men and women though we are both human and both have feelings …we are just wired differently and in general react differently to certain situations in relationships but being born in Europe I tend to look at the differences between the sexes not so much as a turn off or as you put it “pain in the a**” but as a wonderful mystery though at times YES:) frustrating but you know what …if we weren’t so different it would be pretty boring.
    I think that part of the problem is not so much how differently we(men and women) react but how we look at each other’s differences as something we don’t want to deal with rather than really trying to understand one another.

  7. Scott on February 11, 2011 at 4:11 pm

    Lana, I really agree with you. One of the great things about European women is that they *celebrate* the differences instead of protecting their hearts by trying to imagine women and men as equals, partners in all things. We are not. We are equivalent; i.e., equal in value. I am not drawn from the same blue-print as you. I wouldn’t wish it upon you. Think of the old, somewhat sexist, joke, the Husband Store. The more eye-opening aspect about that story is how many women actually *write* comments that say yes, they are that picky are single but wouldn’t have it any other way, or write that it’s only natural, etc.

    The very title of this article is, forgive me, ridiculous: “Why Men Withdraw And Go Cold For No Reason.” There is always a reason for all our actions. We are creatures of free-will with a fair degree, to be sure, of predestination. Men withdraw and go cold because they are losing interest, lost interest, or never had any to begin with. Period.

    I am not forgiving them. In many cases this is weak and heartless behavior, but balance insecurity with over-confidence and don’t make up a lot of gibberish about how empowered you are. Examine whether the guy was the right guy or even a good guy. If you are attracted to bad boys and past the age of 21, slap yourself, and grow up. If it just went south, dust it off and move on — there is no reason to feel bad, there are 50 million reasons people don’t connect — find a person who does. If you are doing it to the relationship, try to change that, don’t just turn to your girlfriends for advice when you are really asking just for support, and force yourself to go out with a slightly different type of man. Change your pattern.

    Most women start out more mature than most men for cultural and biological reasons. That changes about mid-30s as societal pressures force neurotic thinking into every corner of the media messaging women get. Also what was once a support group for growing up and understanding the opposite sex putrefies over decades into a cheering squad for each person’s destructive behavior. Replace your sense of entitlement with a sense of depth, caring, and curiosity. And look for a man who is doing the same.

  8. Schadenfreudian on February 27, 2011 at 1:16 pm

    I’ve discovered what Lana has described regarding European women. In fact, I have learned that a woman who speaks English as her native language is culturally predisposed to distrusting men, and to possess a very off-putting attitude (most likely used as a barrier to “losers”). I’m a very optimistic, happy and well-paid professional, and just don’t want to deal with the angst and 24/7 uber-drama.

    I understand why men withdraw in relationships–they’re somewhat afraid of saying something that will either hurt, destroy or open up yet another hornet’s nest of unbridled emotional turmoil he’s unprepared for (or never will be prepared to deal with because he’s not a woman/girlfriend).

    Now, a potentially dangerous condition is when LARGE numbers of men withdraw from society in general, where they no longer participate because they feel dishonored, betrayed, marginalized or otherwise sold out/stabbed in the back by society or government. I believe that if this behavior is evident throughout a country, then it could be a precursor to something far larger than merely one guy withdrawing from a pursuing nag.

  9. Alison on March 16, 2011 at 7:16 pm

    Brad –
    “I have female friends who have weird hairdos, are mouthy, complain all the time, and then wonder why they cant find a boyfriend. NO GUY WANTS TO PUT UP WITH THAT.”

    Could you say more about the weird hairdos?

  10. jennifer on March 24, 2011 at 8:50 am

    I’m with Allison, I want to know what these weird hairdos look like. The truth is nothing is easy or fully explainable when it comes to matters of the heart. Unrequited love is the most painful experience for anyone involved.

    It is why love songs have been written, poems- what have you- the only true love is the love that is cut short too quickly before it has time to age, develop, or sour.

    Women need to accept that some men are just not honorable people and it is a painful thing to realize.

  11. Dee on April 21, 2011 at 3:16 pm

    I’m going thru this right now. I am in my mid 40s, a franchise owner, and stay very physically fit, (usually guessed 7 yrs younger than I am) and divorced. Met an amazing man, my age, physically fit, intelligent, but never married…Said he never saw himself being married when he was younger. Been dating 3 mos. Works 12hr days 5-7 days/wk, got frustrated and broke up with him. Realized I missed him, told him I missed him – always open and caring – we got back together. Just this week, he drove 1.5 hrs after work to see me, asked me please to never break up with him again, asked what would happen if he fell in love with me…and said we were good for each other. He left next morning, we talked that evening, all good. No response from him for nearly 3 days… I’m not a pest…I texted 2 times “thinking of you” and is everything okay? Then tried to call last night, but didn’t leave message. No response. What’s up? Prefer a man’s advice please…

  12. Mike on July 12, 2011 at 12:58 pm

    You had sex. Guys that are 40 something or older and never married but have all the stuff that women want aren’t married for a reason. This surely isn’t the first time some lady asked this question Dee. Lastly, for you women who decide to get involved with a non-married individual this age who says they missed out and want to now have children or be involved with someone who has them better consider all the facts and think gain.

  13. Chaz on July 22, 2011 at 6:41 pm

    I can only speak for myself, but as a man who has withdrawn from several women and then from the dating game entirely; the answer is pretty simple.

    I don’t like jumping through hoops or walking on eggshells. I’m easy going and follow the path of least resistance. I love freedom and no amount of sex or intimacy is worth losing it.

    I’ve always been honest about the fact that I’m not monogamous and consider relationships to be temporary. Yet everytime I ever had sex with someone other than my girlfriend, I was still made to feel guilty. I simply got tired of being made to feel that way. I don’t enjoy being called a cheater when I never took any vows to begin with. Eventually I just got tired of it all.

    Now things are different. I haven’t had sex in years, nor do I anticipate having sex ever again. I do get lonely as any normal human would, but that’s ok. I am able to deal with it and consider it a small price to pay in order to be free from accusations such as this.

    This is just one of the many examples of why I left the game entirely and every man is unique but it is always for a reason. And in my case (as well as the case of many other men, I suspect), it’s simply coming to terms with the realization that I simply do not naturally have the characteristics that women find appealing. And then once realizing that, deciding to no longer pretend otherwise; because it really doesn’t matter anyway.

  14. Sarah on July 25, 2011 at 9:28 am

    OMG Chaz – This is “Editor” Sarah – you sound so sad…
    Though I honor your honesty and the straightforward way you’ve lived your romantic life – I so wish you’d reconsider your position. Surely you have many qualities a woman would want – you once had girlfriends.

    And, most important – relationship is about love, companionship, friendship, fun… not just sex. I wish you’d consider talking with a counselor, or reading some of the books for men about relationship and intimacy on the web. Most men find that – at some point in their lives – sacrificing sexual “freedom” for commitment to one woman and the intimacy that’s possible with that commitment is well worth the bargain.

    Relationships are emotional…and women will always be emotional. That’s what makes us so profoundly interesting and alluring and why you men need us – to supply emotion.

    Yes – things get messy – and, at some point – your willingness to gather the skills and courage you need to go from your lone existence to a partnership with a woman could possibly change your life in a great way you can’t even imagine right now.

    Sincerely, Saray

  15. Angie on August 16, 2011 at 3:45 pm

    Got on well with a male doctor and he always helped me through with many things, even when I was his ex-patient, but being his ex-patient for a few years, I then ran into him outside a clinical setting and he was quite cold to me. Any men and/or doctors out there please answer? He often joked with me and was very nice. Caught him staring at me in public places on a few ocassions..

  16. David on October 3, 2011 at 10:51 pm

    I actually agree with Brad all the way. Additionally I want to point out that most, but not all women, think that the relationship is all about them and this is where it starts to deteriorate. I’m referring mostly to American women. It’s a totally different scenario with European and Asian women. Personally I find American women very selfish and self-centered, ultimately never finding the ‘ideal’ mate they spend the better part of their dating lives looking for.

  17. Fred on October 8, 2011 at 5:50 pm

    I subscribe entirelly what Chaz said and right now i do the samething as he does, being alone not to listen “you are cold as ice” it hurts you know? Off course i do feel lonely sometimes, but it’s someting i can handle.
    Concerning some other posts i read about, i do agree that today relationships are difficult to mantain it’s easy to start but mantain… that’s the trick, and i think that men and women alike are a bit selfish on relationships… aren’t we all? some more than others i don’t blame women for my mistakes as a man, some guys need time to get more maturity for a relationship because when passion dissipates, respect and the will to make things work are the backbones to a feeling we call love, off course i believe i can only love a woman, as i did in the past, but, for the time being , i will just sit back, relax and work things out on myself, so that the next woman could be the last and i can have some peace of mind. Appologies for my english, and please above all else be happy first with yourself, before jumping for a relationship.

  18. Karren on October 13, 2011 at 10:53 am

    To get and keep the attraction on both sides. My moto is to my own self be true.

  19. Amechi on October 26, 2011 at 5:41 pm

    Brad nailed it. Lots of men (especially those exposed to other cultures i.e. military) prefer foreign women. We Americanshave a sense of entitlement and arrogant attitude, relationships included. If it weren’t for women liking men to be financially well off they might do the same more often.

  20. Bob on November 25, 2011 at 3:37 pm

    Married to a south american. Jealousy was an issue, that was flamed by our sexual addiction. It became the underlying current of rage and indifference. We had our emotional problems…..shame from her sexual abuse and mine from acting out with porn. We were friends, companions, but we never communicated well on our issues. They just were pushed aside…hoping to go away. Mistake. 19 years difference in age, and initial promises of no kids…changed, as I feared it would. I had mine, she became obessesed with the need. A dog would not do. I shut down, she became childlike. It was a scary scenario. She is now happy with her 10 year younger goofy looking millionaire man, in CT, getting ready for the baby path. I always knew she was an opportunist. I wish her well.

  21. Nicole on December 29, 2011 at 3:42 am

    I got caught up with a guy from my past even though we were in long term relationships in our minds we made ourselves believe those relationships were over bit honestly I can say I wanted both guys for different reasons I thought things were ok with this guy he invited me out of town when we came back he wanted to talk toy sister regarding our relationship Sister Said it was positive there talk but after that he cut off all connection with me it’s been 2 weeks I’m lost for words I feel used this is the 2nd guy I slepted with that’s what hurts so much but what happened Sorry this isn’t a reply I need some advice

  22. Bonnie Love on January 11, 2012 at 3:59 am

    There is SOMETHING , that your sister is not telling you. Why would he even want to talk to your sister regarding yours and his relationship while your right there with him? sonds fishy to me . Unless its because he did just use you and his “talk” with sister is something he uses as an out. Or maybe she told him things that wasn’t her place to tell, it could go good or bad , but id defo go to her to get this straitened out , and don’t accept it was nothing sis, because she knows SOMETHING .and if he did have a conversation that was positive about you , it maybe his way of slipping out the back door ez. because you have someone other than him to question. i donno, but id assume i wouldnt get the truth from the man.

  23. Simone on January 17, 2012 at 6:48 am

    Dear romantic friends I am Australian and have been married to my Japanese husband for 16years.Although he has a heart of gold I have never felt that he has ever wanted me.I am now 40 but Thank you to the Japanese diet I look younger….sorry it is something that I hear quite often….yet because this has left me with very low self confidence I become very sad when I see a beautiful romantic movie…. I do not know if I am just trying to live in a fairy tale world or that it really exists…I saw my high school boyfriend that I hadn’t seen for 20years and I had to ask him”Is there something wrong with me?”…He brightened my day and said….”Any hot blooded male would be there for you.Do not worry.It is his problem.”…..Because of these words I am forever I do not know how long I could have gone….I was so depressed…..excuse me for babbling on…Thank you to God for making romantic people just next time please let find one to keep me warm at night…

  24. Randy on January 20, 2012 at 11:37 am

    I recently turned 41 and was previously married for 16 years. I think I am done with women entirely. It is interesting as my father ended up the same way. He lives alone just enjoying his life, playing golf and other things answering to no one. I too am enjoying the freedom of being able to do what I want and whenever I want. I was at a small bar the other night hanging out with some friends after riding motorcycles all day and met a really attractive nice woman. Chemistry was surely there and she was interested but I thought to myself “why go down this road again?” yeah having sex with her would be nice but she is never going to except me for the withdrawn person I can be and eventually she will tire of me and leave or worse cheat. I choose simply to remove myself from the market and enjoy the things I like without a woman in my life.

  25. Heather on January 24, 2012 at 12:49 am

    I can understand men withdrawing, it’s all part of the dating game. But the lowest life form is the man who promises you forever then goes poof into thin air.

  26. Tatiana on January 24, 2012 at 7:07 pm

    It is going to be painful either way when one or the other withdraws. I try and look at it like what gives you peace and serenity at the end of each night, night after night is probably going to be real “love” if there is such a thing.
    The hardest part of life is to try and think that no one should be in control of your happiness by what they do or don’t do for you. Only YOU can make yourself happy. If a guy doesn’t call you or doesn’t text for some odd reason and you have a good self esteem then you will say whatever but if you don’t have the self confidence or the happy feeling about yourself then you’ll be waiting around til you die and feel as though you never “found” happiness. I should take my own advice though….lol. I am obviously going through the stupid girl phase in life and invested time in a man that doesn’t appreciate the amazing things i have done for him. How selfless I’ve been to care for him ….which was not my way with men before. I decided I’d throw my emotions out there and be the most loving girl instead of playing hard to get or play games. It’s all confusing….. that is why i have always been afraid of relationships.

  27. Tatiana on January 24, 2012 at 7:09 pm

    Heather: I agree! :( I’m sorry if that is happening to you.

  28. johnboy007 on February 4, 2012 at 1:50 am

    I think so much of these issues boil down to honest good communication. If you cant be yourself and maintain a joyful life with someone then why stay with them. Couples need to let each other have some space and be able to enjoy life apart as well as together. Let each other develop friendships and hobbies. But most of all you need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with anyone else.

  29. Jack on February 9, 2012 at 5:03 am

    You western women(especially American) have zero empathy for men. You’ve been indoctrinated to view them solely as forces affecting women. This dehumanizes them. You rate them only by whether they are useful to you. Life has been bliss since I’ve cut myself off from you and accepted myself. I didn’t plan to stay away from you forever, but I’m highly doubtful I’m coming back. I love my life now.

  30. kelly on February 10, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    If men want to push away from women then why get involved in the first place. This is real life issues, not a game. Dealing with feelings is no game. You can’t just dump all over a woman for no reason and not being interested anymore isn’t one of them. It makes us feel like we did something wrong when in fact we didn’t. Its you that did (the man). If we cheated, were unfaithful, etc those are good reasons to break up but just because your not interested anymore, or because you want to have fun, or not be tied down, or be a jackass and start fooling around & flirt with. other women. Those are NOT good! Especially after the woman has been nothing but good to you & been there for you & fell inlove with you and gave you her body, heart & soul to you. You should cherish her, not break her heart. Nothing is worth breaking someones heart & leaving them with permanant damage thru life because of it.

  31. Trish on February 14, 2012 at 10:31 pm

    you are brilliant. so true that, early on in a relationship, the rush of oxytocin and dopamine can convince one that they are with mr. right when he may be oh so wrong for you.

  32. John on February 15, 2012 at 11:14 pm

    No man likes to be rejected time and time again.

    One day he will just stop trying.

  33. e on March 9, 2012 at 6:41 pm

    I got alot out of reading all these points of view.what i noticed was that the women were mostly hurt and left with no answers and wondering . And the men were just running away from being connected . Which showed me how different we think. Men just want women to love them unconditionally and women want the men to show them how much they are loved. A constant battle zone.we need to be honest with eachother and just say i love you nd exept it and believe it and not expect no more than that.because we are wired so differently we will always find something to complain about.

  34. Kathy on April 3, 2012 at 5:03 pm

    I was in a relationship recently,and as the topic goes the guy with drew from me.The guy was from my home town,he seen me at a class reunion last year,We hadn’t seen each other for 30 years,we just introduced our selves at the reunion and shook hands,he then looked me up on face book,and we chatted and he told me i look real good,we chatted a while,every time I got on my computer there he was.He wanted me to go out to dinner,he lived an hour and 15 min.away.As soon as i said ok,well he wanted to go that day,which was on a Monday,but i said sure.We went to dinner,came back to my house,he was drinking beer,and quiet a bit,and so i offered to let him stay,but never got intiment.but slept in same bed,he left next morning.He called often,was on the net every time i got on,wanting me to come to his house the weekend in which i did.We had sex,he wined and dined me,we had a great time.This went on three months he came every week was spending 4-5 days with me.He then stop calling as much,after a month came and spent one night,then another month passed he came and got me and went to his house for 5 days,but he only slept with me one night,the rest the time on the internet all day sleeping all day,brought me home,kiss me good bye and left.We were talking on the internet every day,no more phone calls,then as time progressed he became more and more distant.Once in a while leaving off line messages.I fell in love with him,and this has hurt me drastically,has interfered with my jod,my health,my over all period.Now says he just wants to be good friends,and talks to me about meeting another women,and that they have so much in common and think so much a like it is scary.He has now not even talking to me.I am lost.I noticed he done this to women before me.I was on a high that he told them he had me,and only wanted to be friends,now i know how they felt.Could some one please explain.I hate i can’t get him out of my mind.

  35. Amy on July 13, 2012 at 7:23 pm

    I’ve been deprived of all sex intimacy for 45 years. The time we had sex was our wedding night, that was my first last and only time. It maybe lasted 15 minutes, then he went out side and sat on the patio of our hotel. When I asked if something was wrong he just said don’t bother me.. I had to cancelour honey moon cause he refused to go all he wanted to do is go home. When we got home he moved all his things to the basement, and told me he would be working the midnight shift till he retires. And to this day he never sleeps or has dinner with me he just lives like a hermit in the basement. He has no friends, TV, computer, radio, no newspapers or magazines, goes no where just his shop. I thought he might be gay or seeing someone else. I even hired a detective to check him out! He said he goes to work, grocery store, doctor and home. I’ve been confused, lonely, depressed. I absolutly hate all men now, I have a part time job It doesn’t pay much but it gets me away from him and the house. I take vacation with a ladys church group. I don’t have any idea what went wrong in our life. I can’t afford to leave we don’t have alot of money, I use the money for vacations, I guess thats my hobby.

  36. Carol on March 6, 2015 at 5:52 am

    Amy why would you stay in a relationship like this?

  37. Blossom on April 18, 2015 at 11:11 am

    I had a bad day at the doctor yesterday. I complained of blown up lymph nodes in my neck, collar bone, and under arm and they gave me a penicillin shot, antibiotics, scheduled an ultrasound and surgery to remove a mole and my bf went cold on me and broke up today. All of the oh my gosh I am so in love with you, all of the hours and hours of talking on the phone, all of the you are all I think about all day long and calling and texting through out the day went up like a poof of hot air.

  38. Chreppie on May 21, 2015 at 3:17 pm

    Reading all these comments is so depressing. I believe, taking a few minutes to explain doesn’t kill. It’s all about RESPECT. Unfortunately not everyone is emotionally stable, not everyone is mature, not everyone is a good communicator. Communicating is the key. So I say, weither the man or a woman suddently turns cold and doesn’t even try to communicate, explains or discuss a bit. Just turn the page, these people have issues! They are not the right person for you and are doing you a favor by getting out of your life. They are not worth your time. Life is too short to try to figure them out. It has nothing to do with you but all to do with them.

  39. diana on July 14, 2015 at 10:17 pm

    Tell you everyman iv been with last for years just go out and just have friends but lat that persin know i just went to be friends and you need toget to know them and were there head at it about take your time get to know him he get to know to you and your friends for a long
    Time he know you you know were he at and it well last forever try it

  40. Debs on October 5, 2015 at 6:59 am

    Kathy….you got involved with a narcissistic sociopath…..there are more of them than most people realise. Its not your fault, but they target people, men and women. They love bomb, say all the things you want to hear, smother you with love and usually amazing sex, then go cold …with mine you could almost see the switch turn off…then its off to the next conquest. They don’t feel love or empathy as its all about them. It destroys you but you will bounce back. One last thing. He may try and reclaim you at some point…..dont be fooled because nothing has changed and it never will……resist resist or you will be hurt again and have to start healing again. Good luck…there id a nice man out there somewhere. X

  41. Only1barbi on December 29, 2015 at 5:57 pm

    I started dating again after being in a 12 yr relationship. I was finally feeling good about myself as a woman after this long term relationship ended with a man who did not value me. It took 10 yrs to realize my value, love myself enough to leave. I finally agreed to go out with a man who travelled in my extended circle of social friends. Things were great…I was not selfish, self-centered and cherished everything good about him after looking at the relationship i was in before this. I felt blessed and treated him with respect and honor and let him know whenever he did something for me. I cooked for him and did for him and the sex was great. I felt him slipping away and stopped seeing him almost immediately because I wasn’t going to be in a one sided relationship ever again. I have no idea why or what happened. 2 weeks before I ended it, I asked if he was dating someone else. He said no, we would talk. When 2 weeks passed and the talk never happened, I told him I didn’t want him to text or call me. I know I did nothing wrong. I know I was good to him and not self-centered as some men on here are saying American women are. 2 months have passed and I miss him and the fun we had…I miss everything about him but I love myself enough to not let someone devalue me. I hear this happens a lot in the dating world which is why I choose not to date anymore. The men in my country do not value women or committment anymore.

  42. Sarah on December 29, 2015 at 6:33 pm

    Barbi – perhaps this is the thing that pushes men away: “I cooked for him and did for him.” Rori calls that “Overfunctioning” and it just shows up to a man as Masculine energy. Anyway – something to think about. Sarah

  43. Ben on September 24, 2017 at 12:37 pm

    It is the kind of women that we have nowadays that have really changed from the old days making love very difficult to find for many of us men still looking.

  44. joyce Logue on December 7, 2018 at 8:52 am

    It just a fact men get bored they pull away they go on find new sexy woman flirt flirt spend time at strip clubs –look at porn they just get bored with the same woman its fact –they may still want to be with you but hey your the woman you want attention you want love affection and he wont give you non —its simple guys find out you seek attention somewhere else they cut you quick lol they do it its because you did something they didnt like —work in a relationship or work in a marriage is about aaaalways rememebring that we are different –we think different —but the ones that last keep a ballance –meaning porn a few times a year —-strip clubs every two years–or not at all–woman well honestly –i wasnt a nagger i was always nice bubly friendly good cook could clean make money etc i was tall hot sexy and still he never wanted sex with me and eventually 20 year later wanted an hispanic –all efforts didnt help= and he is now married to a heavy lazy hispanic that i actually love and am grateful for because he was a pain in the ass over spender rude non affectionate jerk off –that i will always care for -the father of my kids –men just are immature –funny thing is at like 3 years old they are a little more simular to girls and are more caring affectionate lol they are more mature than at 17 to 26 by then they learn to cover their ways they stand their looking the way we want but usually behind closed doors they are pigs–not all but most –they even fool their moms

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