by Alex Allman
I’m starting to see a pattern in what is going wrong in people’s sexual relationships.
And if you can fix this ONE thing, not only will it solve something that’s causing stress in your relationship, but, seriously, it could make your sex life incredibly satisfying, nearly instantly.
The reason is that this particular problem (that almost EVERY COUPLE seems to struggle with) creates an avalanche of other problems in your sex life.
But when a couple has this issue completely handled, it can likewise create a tidal wave of other great things that you start doing RIGHT… AUTOMATICALLY.
I’m talking about dealing with “sexual insecurities” in relationships.
Now, of course, both men and women have sexual insecurities, and there is no point in assigning blame or figuring out who is weirder about their sexuality.
On some level, we’re all wired to be a bit weird around mating.
What I have found is that if ONE of you can be more confident and comfortable about your sexuality, it can go a long way to helping your partner become more confident over time.
I’m about to make some “generalizations” here… and I am going to say that, in general, if a woman is completely comfortable and confident with her sexuality, it MIGHT help to unlock the insecurities in her partner so that he can be more confident in bed… but often it can trigger him into feeling more insecure.
In the worst case scenario, his insecurity around your sexual confidence can cause him to actually get angry and even try to make you feel badly or wrong about being sexually expressed.
On the other hand, in general, if a man is more comfortable and confident around his sexuality, it tends to help give his partner the “permission” she needs to feel more confidence herself.
So there are some big benefits to couples if we can get men to deal with their insecurities around sex.
Men’s Insecurities Around Sex in Relationships
I get a lot of men writing to me that they have problems with not lasting long enough in bed, or problems maintaining an erection, or problems getting her in the mood, or problems getting her to be more passionate, or problems getting her to enjoy sex…
But, in fact, for most of these men, that’s NOT their problem at all. That’s just the symptom.
It’s like a guy saying that his problem is that he always has a black eye and asking what he can do to make it hurt less…
The black eye isn’t the problem, the problem is that he keeps getting punched in the face.
Now if it turns out that he’s in the habit of walking up to every man that is twice his size and challenging him to a fight… am I going to tell this guy to take an aspirin and use an ice- pack on the eye?
I’m going to tell him to stop getting into fights and find something better to do with his time…
Or at least take a few boxing lessons and learn to cover his head better.
So when men tell me that that their wife is never in the mood for sex…
And men tell me that their girlfriend doesn’t make any noise during sex and he’s not sure if she’s enjoying it…
And men tell me all of these things that they think are going wrong with their relationships…
Almost every time, I realize pretty quickly that they are describing the black eye, and they are asking me for aspirin and an ice-pack.
And what all of these guys actually need are “boxing lessons”.
What I mean is… All of these men have the same problem, and that problem is SEXUAL INSECURITIES.
If you completely turned these men around and gave them POWERFUL SEXUAL CONFIDENCE, they would have exactly zero of these other issues in their lives.
And their PARTNERS would be THRILLED.
If they could just feel GOOD about their own sexuality, all of these other issues they had with their woman would likely take care of themselves.
Now, I hope it’s clear that I don’t mean that these men don’t LIKE sex…
Everybody likes sex.
The question is, does he feel confident and secure that his sexuality and his masculinity are good things– That it’s cool to be a sexual male, and that women (and if you are his partner I’m talking about YOU) APPRECIATE THIS QUALITY in him.
The answer is almost always, “no.”
And the reason that it’s almost always “no” is that modern society has all but destroyed the chances for ANY man to feel good about his masculinity.
There Are No More Men in Relationships
From an early age men learn that any kind of assertiveness of their sexual feelings is met with the big smack down. It is not polite, it can get you into trouble, and you ought to be ashamed!
And there are parents, teachers, and other authority figures telling men that when they behave in masculine ways as a child– from being “too loud”, or “too wild”, or exploring where they shouldn’t, or being aggressive… these things are BAD.
Obviously I could have made this list much, much longer…
So the next question has to be: What can make men feel GOOD about their masculinity and their sexuality?
Any man could be GREAT in bed if only he could leave behind the guilt, the shame, the pressure… all of this extra BULLSHIT that surrounds sex and relationships…
Because if you take all of that extra bullshit out of the situation… what’s left?
Just a man and a woman, and their desire to enjoy each other, and please each other, and share pleasure.
And that’s pure magic.
When your man feels good about his sexuality, you get swept up in his confidence and ease…
It becomes easy for you to become more sexual, more adventurous, and surrender to more powerful and more frequent orgasms.
From Sarah: I know this article is just the beginning of talking about how sex works for men in relationships, and you’re probably wanting to know more. So, find out more from Alex about the steps for getting your man more confident about his sexuality in his “Revolutionary Sex” videos and programs. Check it out and see the difference in your relationships!