relationshipby Alexandra Fox

Everyone gets tired of waiting – and it’s easy to get tired of waiting for our boyfriends to finally sit down and talk to us about more serious things — like the relationship, marriage, settling down, and raising a family!

Are you one of those who e-mailed me about your boyfriends who don’t seem to be interested in settling down to a more permanent setup in your relationship?

If you are, then you’re lucky — that’s what today’s article will be all about. We’ll be talking about men who don’t like the idea of commitment!

And there’s a lot of them out there. They seem to like being in a relationship with you, and they do everything a good boyfriend does. Except, of course, the most important thing — commit!

And it doesn’t seem to matter how long the relationship has lasted. Some men can go four, five, six years of exclusive dating with their respective girlfriends, and STILL not be thinking about marriage or settling down.

If it’s driving you crazy, I don’t blame you. I can imagine thousands of girlfriends all over the world feeling the same pain you are!

Let me take an e-mail I received a little while back, from “Hailey.”

Her Relationship Story Should Be VERY Familiar to Many of Us!

“Hi Alex,

I have been in an on-and-off relationship with a man I would consider “emotionally unavailable” for years. I have broken up with him recently, and now he has offered to fix my house labor-free (he is a builder by trade).

My problem is I know he is hoping to once again get a foot in the door, or in his case, a whole leg over. I have agreed to the arrangement, with the condition that I do not owe him any favors, that if sex was involved it would have to come from my heart, and not payment for services rendered. We are in contact, and I am keeping the communication very non-committal and only discussing the plans for the house renovations.

I take note of all the e-mails you send, so I am well-armed, but I only have one week before he comes to my house to make a list of what he needs (materials) and to have a game plan together. I want him to take me and our relationship seriously, I have to stay focused on what I want and need to be happy, and strong enough to avoid the mistake of giving in too easily.

We are both very attracted to each other and we get on very well whenever we are together, but that has to be more consistent for me, and I want him to feel emotionally connected to me — not just physically. He can be so charming and I can be very flirty, so we are well-matched, but if you have any tips that may help me, I’d love to hear them!


Thanks for writing, Hailey! I can imagine how frustrating it can be to have someone like your boyfriend go on-and-off for several years, no matter how much you like each other.

I’ll get straight to my tailor-made advice for your special situation. You’re right — he DOES seem emotionally-unavailable, and he seems to enjoy your non-committal setup.

I’ll admit, Hailey, your circumstances a little tougher than what most women have in the same situation, because you’ve obviously already had sex.

And as you probably already know, having sex before establishing that all-important emotional connection — in other words, FALLING IN LOVE — is never a good idea!

But that’s okay — it’s still possible to get him to see you in a different, more emotional light.

And you do it by pulling away.

Here’s a fact — one of the most powerful ways to make a guy fall in love with you is NOT by running after him, but by creating some space for him to move in!

The happiest, most successful girlfriends in the world know this as a fact. You don’t chase after men — you live your life in a way that invites them in.

It may sound simple, but SO MANY of us don’t even know about this incredibly effective tactic!

Here’s an Example of Theoretically Getting a Committed Relationship Out of a Man:

If Hailey stopped keeping in touch with her on-and-off boyfriend for a while, and spent some time doing other meaningful activities, he’s going to start to miss her.

He’ll realize that it’s been a while since he’s heard from Hailey, and he’ll think it would be nice to give her a call, and maybe go out on a date like the old times.

And Hailey gives him a date so enjoyable that he remembers how much fun he had when they were still going steady.

Then, when Hailey drops communication again for a time, he’ll start to miss her again — and wonder if settling down with her FOR GOOD would be best for him.

And the more she drops communication, the more interested he becomes in the thought of actually committing to a more serious relationship.

And ultimately, he’ll realize that everything he’s been looking for in a woman was in Hailey all this time!

That’s just one example of what Hailey can do to make her emotionally-unavailable boyfriend STOP going on-and-off, and instead think about the future more clearly and seriously — the way REAL MEN do.

Other things YOU can try to make him more open to commitment:

Learning new useful skills, which makes you more confident, interesting, and financially-secure. The more fascinating you are, the more likely he’s going to think settling down with you would be fun.

Joining volunteer groups or doing community service. Not only does it make your own life happier and more meaningful, it will also expose you to the right kinds of men — and make you more attractive, too.

Talking to him about commitment in a “no-hurry, no-pressure” way. For instance, instead of saying, “I want to get married soon,” say: “I love you, and I’m looking forward to the day when I can finally enjoy our relationship without any hesitations.”

These are just some of the things you can do to make an otherwise emotionally-available guy get interested in committing to you.

Thousands of my readers have already been equipped with my secret techniques, and now write to me regularly, telling me about the stable, happy, loving relationships they now enjoy with the men in their lives.

And I’d like you to be my next success story!

From LoveRomanceRelationship: Alexandra is the author of the well-loved book “77 Secrets to Make Him Love You” among others. Visit her webpage to find out about her book and learn from more of her fabulous advice about building your committed relationship–>>

1 Comment

  1. Nana Ama Akuamoah Boateng on January 7, 2012 at 7:04 am

    we just met and i can see full of fears in his eyes pls wat can i do to make him love again? plssssssssssssssss i need help.

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