We hear this time and time again. He’s a jerk, he doesn’t return my phone calls, he disappeared… just look at the comments we get here on loveromancerelationship.com. So why do women put up with bad behavior from men?
I believe it comes from this notion that there is only one person in the world for you – your soulmate.
This idea that you can only fit with one person out of 7.5 billion people seems ludicrous when considered logically, and yet in myth and in everyday life it is something we hear again and again, not just from women, but from men too.
It would seem insane to quote a “fact” like that if it were for something else other than a romantic relationship… “there’s only one car in the world for me, out of the billions of cars manufactured every year, there is only one car that is the perfect fit.”
Now of course humans are far more complicated than cars but the reality is there is more than one person for you, and anyone that’s gotten over the age of 40 has probably recognized the truth – that you can actually fit with and fall in love with a number of different people.
So, knowing there is more than one person in the entire world for you, it brings me back to, why do women put up with bad behavior from men?
One of the other issues I believe it is inherent in this concept of a soulmate is that he “completes you” and that you are not ok with being on your own.
As feminists used to say, “a woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle” – and it’s true, you don’t need a man to be whole, and you shouldn’t need a man to be whole.
If you haven’t figured out who you are and what makes you tick, getting into a romantic relationship is going to suck.
And where is your self-respect and self-esteem that you would put up with the kind of behavior that some men perpetrate against you? Not calling when they say they will, showing up late (if at all), getting drunk on a 1st date! All of these behaviors show a total lack of respect for you and I’ll ask you again, why are you putting up with his crap?
Respect for each other in any relationship, especially when it comes to dating and marriage, is of paramount importance. If your date, boyfriend or husband is treating you like a second-class citizen it’s time to stand up for yourself and tell them they better treat you right, or leave.
The truth is, if you don’t value yourself then no one else will. It’s up to you to get your self-respect and self-esteem in shape – not just for your romantic relationships but for any relationship that you have in the world.
So next time your romantic partner or anyone treats you like a second-class citizen in any way, it’s time to speak up – and if they’re not prepared to change and treat you with respect that you deserve – then it’s time for them to hit the road.
So tell me, why are you putting up with his bad behavior?
From Sarah: Steve Warwick is the editor of loveromancerelationship.com. He doesn’t like to call himself a relationship expert but says his years of reading, editing and interviewing on almost every relationship topic under the relationship sun puts him the position of being a “meta expert” and whenever we discuss relationship his ideas are right on! Check out one of the ebooks he worked on for loveromancerelationship, all about body language and attraction ->