by Allana Pratt
Dear luscious, lovely you…
Not only did I NOT see narcissistic partners coming, I used to be ATTRACTED to them!
Little did I know what a HUGE gift they were to my healing…
So here is a question from one of you wonderful readers:
I’ve been receiving your emails for months and reading them enthusiastically every week. My situation is this: I was happily married for 7 years to a well-known “relationship expert/matchmaker.”
We’ve filed for divorce and my life is now unrecognizable from the life we had for many years. I am over 40 now and my days are filled with depression and most nights I cry, wondering why he discarded me and why I didn’t see his narcissism until it was too late.
I am doing the best I can to take care of myself but my self-esteem took a hard hit and moving from a 5000 sq. ft. home to a 500 sq. ft. studio apartment feels like a step back in time. (I signed a pre-nup and because we had no kids I basically got nothing but my car). He wouldn’t even let me take a TV from the house when he had 6.
When I hear you speak, it’s as if you know me. My husband accused me often of never backing down and being too masculine, yet I could never achieve that balance or “sweet spot” as you say.
I found myself losing who I was to please him and he felt it was his right to get his happiness elsewhere from many other women. I know I am not ready to date because I feel so broken inside and I recognize that I need to heal and be happy with myself before I can offer up anything to a relationship.
So much of what you say speaks to my soul and I want so badly to get through this divorce and emerge at the other end happier and ready to engage life and enter into a new relationship. I would love to attend your 20 women group but I am almost embarrassed to tell you that I simply can’t afford it.
I am writing this with tears in my eyes because I usually am so strong and tough but this divorce has just shattered me and I sometimes feel that I will never recover, yet he has so easily moved on.
Thank you for what you do and for your newsletters. I somehow know that I am not alone even though it has felt that way for the past 2 months.
Best Regards, C”
Sweet amazing C, yes we are NEVER alone and yet I totally get (and remember) how you feel.
I hear you sister totally and completely.
Shivers as I type right now.
When I moved into my little matchbox and ate food creatively out of the cupboard, on the floor with my son at the coffee table for we didn’t even have a table… yes…
Yes… I totally get it.
AND the longer I affirmed “I can’t afford it.” the longer I made that reality true.
So my gorgeous one, zip it! xoxo
Now I’m on the other side.
Was it simple? Yes.
There is something in you ready to awaken.
You have reached out so you are ready.
My request is the following (and this is big, so do your best):
1. Narcissism means hugely wounded terrified soul unable to connect with their heart so they feel nothing when they abuse us, panicked greed for energy to survive (my definition).
2. Given that, take the deepest breath ever, put on Allana’s 3D glasses and see him as the wounded boy you wanted to save.
3. Have compassion that your wounded little girl wanted to connect with his wounded little boy.
4. (now the biggy) THANK HIM that unless he had arrived, you wouldn’t have the chance to heal your little girl – THIS WAS ALL PLANNED OUT AND IS UNFOLDING PERFECTLY SO AS TO BIRTH YOUR STRENGTH AND SELF WORTH.
5. See him across the river from you and disconnect all chords between you two, yet see a rainbow of light about your heads, the sacred contract that he signed up for, for YOU to get your power and worth.
6. Then WALK AWAY FROM HIM in the vision… See the angels, me, friends etc. with you, believing in you, loving you… yet we can’t MAKE YOU WALK… YOU have to walk… yet we’re right here with you.
7. In this moment either invest in your healing personally (I’ve spent over $150,000 in my personal development as a woman, mother and coach) or pray for someone who sees NOT your victim but your DEEP FEMININE WILLINGNESS TO SOAR!
Feel the feeling of being safe, releasing the past, your heart healed, lessons intact, power restored, clarity bright, radiance shining, self-esteem rippling through every cell.
KNOW that you are worthy. That you are ready to change. That the time is now.
I ask you to do this for YOU.
To show yourself that you ARE strong.
(I stayed in victim “save me” mode for WAY longer than necessary, prolonging my knowledge and experience of my own feminine Power and Trust in the Universe. I PROMISE when we jump with Faith for our highest good that wings appear. I would never joke about something so terrifying. I’ve lived it and know it to be true.)
You ARE deserving.
You CAN move on.
NO ONE can take your power away unless you give it to them.
You are BEAUTY, STRENGTH AND RADIANCE ITSELF.
You are seen, heard, gotten, cherished and loved by me.
And you are NEVER alone.
The most incredibly delicious blessings and hugs,
Allana is amazing. she’s the only single mom, dating, motherhood and love coach we know who actually shares her own life with you and teaches you how to get the life and love you want. The program she created for us – “Single Mom Manifesto” is filled with practical, spiritual, emotional – and did I say practical? ways to date men in the most effective way and to get and keep the lifelong love you want (or even the “for now” love you want). Go here to check out Single Mom Manifesto, watch Allana’s video, and see how she can help you go from the single women “label” to whatever you want in your love life->