Here’s a letter from Renee, asking for help with a boyfriend horror story:
Hi, I met my boyfriend on an online dating site in Sept. 2010. We hit it off and began seeing each other regularly. He brought up marriage, moving in, future vacations and I couldn’t be happier. I thought he was the one. Regular communicating between us was amazing in the beginning. E-mail, texts, phone calls etc. Toward the end the year that changed…but just a bit. It was difficult to reach him as much and his correspondence lessened.
BUT this coincidentally coincided with a time of year where he was busy at work.(I knew this to be true based on what he does) so I accepted the excuses when we weren’t speaking as much. My boyfriend had some family issues around Christmas and went to visit them (they live in another state). We didn’t speak much while he was there, but I tried not to let it bother me, seeing that we had New Year’s Eve plans. (He did text me to to wish me a Merry Christmas as opposed to calling me, but again I let it go).
When my boyfriend came back we spent the 3 days leading to to New Years Eve at my place. It was wonderful! We woke up New Years Eve morning with the plan to run errands then meet for dinner then come back to my place to ring in the New Year with a bottle of champagne. That never happened. He texted me and told not to leave the house (I was on my way to the restaurant to meet him). When I asked what happened, my boyfriend texted back that he would call me in a few. He didn’t.
I called him and he basically said that he had family issues on his mind and didn’t feel like celebrating New Years. I was devastated. I asked him if I could help, come see him etc . He was just curt, got off the phone and said he would call me tomorrow. He did not. I reached out the following day suspecting that this was not just about family.
He accused me of making it “about me.” and I spent the next month and a 1/2 trying to convince him that I was on his team, would do anything to help him. He ignored me for days at a time and when I would question him about it, he would get upset and repeat “why are you making this about you.” I decided to just be a good girlfriend and only correspond with him in a positive manner. I called him and invited him to my place for dinner later in the week.
He texted back saying he had some family stuff his brother was “in trouble” and probably wouldn’t be able to make it. I told him I was concerned for him and his family and asked that he call me when he could. I didn’t push it. I felt like a fool always having to reach out to my boyfriend and not getting responded to. So I gave him space, thinking that by doing so, I’d allow him to eventually come back when things calmed down. 4 weeks went by. During that time I texted him twice to say I hoped he was ok but got no response. Then I started to wonder if maybe something terrible happened to his family.
I decided to call his job and he picked up! (he doesn’t have caller id at work). When I asked how his family was and how he was he said ok. I told him the only reason I called him at work was b/c he was not responding to me otherwise, and I was left hanging and didn’t know why. His response- ” I didn’t like that you made this about you” HUH?
Telling him I was there for him, allowing him to ignore me and be rude to me b/c I didn’t want to cause him more stress, being stood up on New Years Eve, b/c he was depressed about family who didn’t even live in the same state as him and who were probably out drinking champagne with their loved ones- and he thinks I made this about ME? Needless to say I’m done, but I feel so duped and used. Trying to make sense of it so I can move on. Can you help? Thank you, Renee”
Our Response to the Boyfriend Disaster
This is Sarah, an editor at LoveRomanceRelationship – Thank you so much for your letter and I’m so sorry for the pain of your story.
Rori Raye is your girl (relationship coach/guru/writer). She would have told you NEVER to become exclusive with this man in the first place, and then how to take care of yourself by stepping back when things started to go haywire.
It’s NEVER What a Boyfriend Says It Is
He may not be lying to you – he may BELIEVE it’s about what he says it is…but usually it’s just because he’s “done” with the relationship. And then – after a bit – a man’s “true colors” start to show up.
If it’s okay – I’ll publish this in the site with my answer, and get a response from Rori as well (I’ll keep it anonymous) –
I’d really suggest you go get Rori’s free newsletters at least, and her book, for $20 – will change your life… for a new perspective on having and keeping a boyfriend, visit Rori Raye’s site
Editor for LoveRomanceRelationship