When you feel yourself putting yourself down, questioning if there’s something “wrong” with you (perhaps you’re feeling extra “needy,” have extra expectations of a man that throw you off balance…) – you’re not alone.

By Rori Raye

Confidence is something we’re born with, and it’s usually quickly demolished.

The voices in our heads that tell us how wonderful we are (if we had people around us while we were growing up who said that often to us) are constantly in conflict with the voices in our heads that say we’re worthless.

I know very few people, even of very few people, who actually have a “majority” of “wonderful” voices singing to them all the time.

Instead, most of us find it very easy to inspire swarms of “nasty” comments about ourselves from inside our own heads.

And – here’s the cure: Once you can “hear” the voice loudly screaming at you that you did something “wrong” (or that there’s something “wrong” with you) – and, instead of quickly trying to push it away or shut it down, you actually allow it to speak to you and be heard – you’ve begun your healing.

Your next step is to actually FEEL everything the voice is feeling, and then feel everything the voice makes you feel.

This is an armful and a mouthful, and a very good way to spend your time.

Self-love is the short version of undoing a lifetime of self-disregard. That’s the disregard taught to us by so many people who might have even “meant well,” over so much of our lives.

The self-disregard is really just a habit, a kind of inner mantra no one wants – yet we (like everyone else) experience it as so powerful we need to run from it.

Everyone out there makes it seem so natural, so easy, to just “love yourself.”

Well, it’s not.

It’s not easy.

In fact, its the piece that’s keeping us from everything else we want!

It’s even keeping us from acknowledging and feeling our WANTS in the first place!

It’s easy to do the opposite: to grow old still harboring anger at others that really is just anger and disappointment aimed at ourself. To believe we don’t deserve what we want, and so make it “okay” that we don’t have it.

I’ve always thought the idea of “learning to like being single” is completely based on not feeling like you deserve what you want.

If you like being single, great (I know many, many women who are excited and thrilled to be single and unencumbered. MANY! They date, they have lovers, they travel, they pursue their passions – it’s light and fun and exactly what they want. And it took them a long time to realize it was what they wanted, after feeling pushed toward “relationship” non-stop.

And if it’s NOT what you want – if you WANT to be commingled with another human for better or for worse – then “learning to like being single” is NOT what you want!

*Notice I said “like” and not “love” – because your next step is to pour LOVE on EVERYTHING!

From Erin at LoveRomanceRelationship: Rori Raye is the real deal. If this resonates with you and you’re not already familiar with her work, please check out “Have The Relationship You Want. “

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