by Rori Raye

Here is an email question I recently received: “I’m having the exact issue you speak of in your newsletter you sent. You wrote this as a solution when a man feels distant:

‘There are many ways to do this, but the first and foremost thing you MUST do is simply… do NOTHING. That’s right, don’t pick up the phone. Don’t ask him where things are going. Don’t ask him to take you out because you want to feel wanted again. Don’t seduce him or try to impress him.

And then the second thing you must do is to hold onto yourself and tap into your own feelings about things. Then EXPRESS those feelings in an open, vulnerable way… without agendas and without compromise…’

My question is: What does the second part mean? My man is not responding to my texts, even though I’m trying to express myself…”

My Answer:
AHHHH!!! They go together!

You CANNOT express yourself properly when it’s YOU who are initiating anything.

In other words – DO NOTHING means just that.

ALL you do is RESPOND. Meaning, if he doesn’t text, you don’t text.
When he texts, you text a great, easy, fast, fun response – keep it short and powerfully attractive – even if you’re unhappy or mad…
If a man is unresponsive to the ONE text you accidentally or on purpose send – that’s it. Don’t try that again. It was an experiment, great, and you got your scientific answer: it didn’t work.

Now Step back.
A woman CANNOT MOVE a relationship forward. The man has to.

This is why Circular Dating is absolutely crucial.
The thing is – if a man is NOT jumping at marrying you (really!) – then you cannot “make” him want to.
What brings him in, entices him, invites him to WANT to be with you in a committed, close way, is how you make him feel.
In the middle of all the tension and anxiety and craziness at the beginning of a relationship – you somehow have to steady yourself. You somehow have to NOT make a “big deal” out of him.
This doesn’t mean holding your passion back. It doesn’t mean “cooling down” or closing up.”
It means actually ramping UP your “warmth,” while ALSO ramping up your ability to be and feel and create “‘distance” with him.

If you ever find yourself sending out more energy to ANY man more than you’re getting from him – that’s your clue that something is amiss.

This is part of our makeup as women – throwing ourselves into a relationship full out – and it’s a gorgeous part of our makeup.
However, it makes it WAY harder for us to get what we want.
Being “cool” is one thing (awesome!) – yet, if you’re coming from being “cold” and “shutdown” and “closed” and “pretending”(which makes us feel awful and doesn’t help the connection and warmth process with a man) – learning to get “warmer” while still maintaining “distance” is the big journey!

Initiating anything with a man, texting, phone, all of that ALWAYS looks “needy” to a man. No matter how it feels to you, or the “why” of it – that’s how it feels to him.

He feels surrounded, enfolded – not loved, but “grabbed at.”

I say BRAVA to YOU, and hope you can find a way to really let a whole bunch of new men into your life. Once you get flooded with men, and they start to feel like better men to you – that’s when things will begin rolling.

If you’ve been flooded with “jerks,” or “feminine energy,” or “emotionally unavailable” men” up to now – this is what we want to see change!
If you can not think of Circular Dating as “trying to find your “one” – but instead, of getting a LOT of men in your life so you can gather data and SEE and FEEL if the quality of them is rising – that’s where you want to go.
That’s the biggest thing for you now.
One man at a time is WAY too hard and slow!!!!

relationshipFrom Sara at LoveRomanceRelationship: Rori Raye is one of the experts we love to highlight here. Her work as a coach, author and trainer has inspired and helped hundreds of women navigate dating, relationships and marriage. We encourage you to check out her book, “Have The Relationship You Want” here! <–

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