by Rori Raye
The question was from Annie. Totally classic question about dealing with what Annie herself calls an Imaginary Relationship with a guy who’s her business partner.
He’s dragging his feet about commitment. He wants to be “friends with benefits.” He says go with the flow and all the buzz words guys use.
The big thing that shook Annie to the core was when he took an old girlfriend to his cousin’s wedding and didn’t invite her.
I’ll talk directly to you as if you’re in a similar situation…
So, here’s what the situation is:
You’re stuck in this business relationship with a man and I want for all of you to see the universal qualities of this.
Let’s say you met a guy in church and now he’s in church and now the church experience is a wreck for you. You met a guy in gym. You met a guy at work. You actually became friends with a guy over something.
If you have any kind of feelings for men in this situation, it’s not working out, either this is a signal you’ve got to change your whole life, drop the gym, drop the church, find a new place to go which is always the first thing I tell women to do because this is really common.
I think you might want to consider what ending the business relationship would look like and I know this is terrifying and awful, but these kinds of things are signals saying that we need to change our life. Something has to change because when we get ourselves into relationships that do not work over and over and over again and we’re feeling unhappy and the time is going by.
There’s only one reason for that to happen and that is – I will try to get a recording together, but you’re probably going to want to write all this stuff down if you can, anything that sings to you.
There’s only one thing happening. You are being driven by some kind of subconscious traumatic response that is trying to punish you and the only question and to get into a really basic spiritual way of looking at this.
When you’re in a situation that is making you unhappy, the only place to go is to ask yourself – “Where am I not forgiving myself?”
Now, I know that sounds weird, but we get ourselves into situations, believe it or not, because we choose them, because we want them on some deep subconscious body level that we don’t know of. I mean it sounds ridiculous. Of course I want love. Why would I choose not love, but there’s something in us that chooses not love.
It comes from our background. The teachers that were terrible to us. Anything that happened and going back and pulling that old stuff up actually makes things worse. That old fashioned therapy is pretty much dis-proven now. Going back there and digging up the crap makes you worse.
What has to happen is you have to move forward and somehow allow yourself to be triggered so badly that you shift. That you are actually willing to make a change rather than just sit in the normal kind of misery that a lot of us just get hanging in.
So, what you want to do here is you want to stop thinking about anything that has to do with an imaginary relationship. You want to cut contact. You want to get out of there and when you’re stuck in a business relationship you can’t help it.
So, here’s what I’m going to teach you:
How To Be A Relationship Rock Star
How to be a Rock Star free spirit.
Now, I mentioned this in some of my programs, but this is what you have to do if you sing in the choir with a guy that is just treating you badly and it’s not working out. You don’t want to leave the choir. The concert is coming up. You’ve got to be a Rock Star.
So, what is a Rock Star?
The Rock Star is this. You show up. He’s there. You feel like garbage inside. You are acknowledging the feelings you have which are that you want to kill him. You want to knock his block off. You really want to push him in the river and then you feel bad about feeling that way and you want to feel spiritual and you want to feel nice and also you don’t want to lose him. So, you don’t want to do anything that’s going to push him further away.
So, here you are with 99% of your brain bouncing around trying to figure out how to handle this man. You’re feeling anger. You’re feeling grief. You’re feeling pain and you’re feeling incredible lust for him and desire for him and fear that if he’s not it, who’s going to show up? That he’s your last chance and that I swear to you, my hand up, is not true. I know that from my own life.
I met my husband way past the time when I thought I could. I’d almost given up and damn if he didn’t show up and he will show up for you too because I’m not alone in this. Almost all my clients have the same experience. There’s just an issue of letting go of the guy.
So, What Is A Relationship Rock Star?
You change your clothes. You change your hair. You turn into a different person for yourself, so that you feel different.
You show up at church. You show up at business and you treat him like a friend. You feel what you feel, which is longing and lust and horror and terror and anger, but you treat him like a friend and you do this without being false by saying to him these exact words. So, write these down.
I’m feeling uncomfortable being around you. I would like to cut this relationship off now and I know we can’t because I also don’t want to leave church or the gym or our business relationship and so, I only want to have a cordial businesslike relationship with you. I still shake whenever I’m around you. I still feel bad whenever I’m around you. I’d appreciate it if you would honor my feelings.
So, that is how you are a Rock Star – and what happens is you tell him the truth instead of pretending to be okay.
You tell him the truth and then you go, “And you know what? Even though I feel all this, I’m going to take care of myself and taking care of myself right now is not being with you,” and then you Circular Date. Circular Dating is pretty much the cure for everything.
This means you get out and flirt. You learn how to deal with other men. You fill up your calendar. You move on from him as best you can and then I think you really need to figure out how to get out of there. How to get out of this business situation.
Or change churches. Or change gyms.
Find something new.
It’s not that he “drove” you out – it’s that you’ve already gotten everything you need to get out of this LESSON.
It’s a signal that you need a new “neighborhood.” New environment. New friends. A new pool of men.
And new experiences for your heart.
From Sarah: Rori Raye is the only one talking to us women the way she does – the only one REALLY “getting” the inner issues of lack of confidence and insecurity that we heap on ourselves in our romantic relationships – AND – she has very specific, exact, do-able, fast-working Tools to DO that can change things for you in a flash. Really, that fast. Her testimonials are outrageously amazing – and so true – I’ve experienced how Rori’s Tools work first-hand, and I so recommend you get her free newsletters and free Heart Connection Tools – and get her Have The Relationship You Want ebook, too – right here->