ex-girlfriendHere’s a question from a reader that might sound familiar – how to deal when he stays attached to his ex-girlfriend:

Me and my bf of 3 1/2 months have broken up. This is the second time it happens. And this time around, he is the one calling it off as well. Deep down inside, I know that we still stand a chance to be together because I know that we still have each other in the heart.

The issue that we’ve been arguing all these while is the about his ex-girlfriend being to close to him and they remain good friends. I wasn’t happy about it and this lead to a lot of arguments and then the first breakup. Then, we got back together, trying to wok things out where I try to open up my heart to accept this ex-girlfriend in his life and he would promised to do his part by not meeting / contacting her on purpose. But just after 1 month after we got back together, this ex-girlfriend text him and said that she would like to meet up with him, and my bf went to the meeting without telling me and lied to me about it. I found out and confronted him, and after that we argued for a few days and he called it off again.

I understand the intention of him not telling me because he would know that it would leads to argument, so he chose to lie. But deep down inside, I do believe that he and his ex-girlfriend are really just friends.

I know I did something so wrong by keep arguing the issue with him which causes him to feel that I don’t believe him anymore and that also leads him to walk away from this relationship and break up with me.

I hope that I can still do something to save this relationship because I still love him and I don’t think that the relationship should end like this as there is solution to it and it is worth saving.

Please guide me through this, Sarah. I hope that I can save the relationship and have him come back into my life again. I know that this will be hard, but I do really hope that I can do something to it now.

Regards, Kelly

Here’s Sarah’s Answer:

Kelly, so sorry for your pain, and – as it happens I was once with a man (for a long time) who stayed friends with ALL his ex-girlfriends, so I have some idea how you feel – here’s my answer:

If You Want This Man, He Comes WITH the Ex-Girlfriend

With the man I mentioned – it was “almost” fine because he brought me into those friendships so that they were MY friends, too – and I knew there was NO possibility of them ever dating him again, and that I was the “one” for him (for as long as it lasted – and much of why it broke up was MY problem.)

But then, with a another man, later – his ex-wife figured in so importantly to him – I truly began to see that I would NEVER be the “one” for him, because part of him still loved his ex-wife, or at least wanted a woman like HER.

The question is – which one is it for your man?

Because You Will Know This Ex-Girlfriend Forever

If you choose to take the man WITH this ex-girlfriend – then you can NEVER COMPLAIN about it, put rules around it, or mention her. If you can’t stick to that – it’s best, in my opinion, that you end it.  I made a rule at the beginning, with my man – that no “girlfriends” – lunches or dinners or anything else, were okay with me – and he agreed to that because there WERE no girlfriends around!

I wish you luck…

Sincerely, Sarah

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