christian-carter-wideby Christian Carter

Ever wonder how in the world you’re supposed to get closer to a man and connect with him, let alone have a real relationship, when he won’t even open up, listen or share what’s going on inside? Like when you seem to be drifting farther and farther apart, and actually talk and share less as time goes on…but the guy doesn’t seem to notice or care?

Where did all the conversation, connection, attraction and passion go to? I mean, is it really a woman’s “job” to be the one who does all the work just to get a man to actually COMMUNICATE and connect?

The answer is NO…. However, the reality is that lots of women have relationships with men that become stuck in a rut this way. But, guess what? It DOESN’T HAVE TO WORK THIS WAY.

Keep reading and you’ll LEARN how men can go from “emotionally unavailable” and withdrawn with a woman, to intimate and connected, WITHOUT you having to do all the work.

But first, let me ask you… Have you ever felt like you just weren’t able to talk to a man about anything “serious” or important in your relationship? At least not without things turning ugly? And, forget about sharing your deeper feelings, questions, or doubts. These would seriously FREAK HIM OUT and push his buttons, right?

What’s with men? Are they completely immature and incapable, or do women share responsibility here too? Good question.

emotionally distant manIf you’ve ever felt lonely, disconnected, or unappreciated because you didn’t have a “voice” inside your relationship with a man…

Or if a man didn’t ever “see” or “hear” you, even when you couldn’t have been more open, thoughtful and direct, you know that one of the most common, frustrating and destructive things men do with women in relationships is pull away or completely withdraw emotionally.

If you’ve ever had this happen and it dragged on, even just for a few hours or days, then you know it can feel like a slow “emotional death.” Your creativity, energy, and passion all start to wither away and you get drawn into some weird “funk.”

Give me a silent nod if you know what I’m talking about and you’ve experienced the negative effects of “emotional withdrawal” with a man before.

Well, there’s something that lots of women don’t recognize that I want to share with you… It’s strange, kind of bizarre, and hard for lots of women to believe…but it’s something I’ve observed again and again about men.

It’s that when it comes to emotional withdrawal and distance in a relationship, most men DON’T EVEN UNDERSTAND what it is. And therefore they can’t notice it or see it as a problem to address when it comes up.

Ok, let me repeat that. Some men just plain DON’T GET IT. Got it?

Now, why am I telling you this?

Go here to learn more about how Christian knows so much about women (oh, and he SO does…) and to get his free advice->

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  1. angelica on August 24, 2009 at 8:32 am

    thanks so much for the advice ive been crying all day and this really made me feel better it seems the more my boyfriend is distant the more of an emotional wreck i become.

  2. Lynette on September 17, 2009 at 12:41 pm

    So what exactly do you do to get him to withdrawl out of an emtionally distant circumstance? What is a good thing to say to him? Or do you do nothing at all?

  3. admin on September 22, 2009 at 4:08 pm

    Hi, Lynette, the relationship expert with the “how-to’s” to really answer your question is Rori Raye. She’s fantastic. I think she would say to start by stepping back from your withdrawing man, but be warm to him whenever he comes near. I know that sounds vague and short, so go to her site and read everything on there – so much is free, and her blog is amazing…you can get her newsletters free just by going here: Rori Raye
    Thanks so much for your question, Sarah

  4. Blake on June 21, 2011 at 8:27 pm

    Thank you .. I’m only 13 years old. I know this will probably be kind of hard to take seriously but … But I feel like my boyfriend has been distant. He’s only 14 years old, so he doesn’t really understand my feelings too well. I don’t know if this will seriously be ‘forever’ or ‘true love’, but all I know is that I really like him. Maybe even love him..
    Anyways, this really helped me let out alot of stress. Thank you so much. Any woman would be lucky to date a man as sensitive as you. Haha :)

  5. Rebecca on September 21, 2011 at 9:26 am

    It is so hard to withdraw but I get it. We have mentioned to each other to be sexual but of course I would like more than that. He will send txts now and again and its hard to be warm. We are so far gone. I did ask if he was dating another my male friend thought he was. In my heart I knew he wasnt because he responded with the comment. “I am not seeing any one if I was I would see you.” I know that he is attracted to me physically and sexually and says that I am nice. Do you think I have a chance to move away and wait and see if he comes around of course I will be focusing on my self. With his last response sounds like he does not want any relationship.?

  6. Joi on September 30, 2011 at 8:49 am

    I found this very helpful and I feel like this will really help. The only thing i wish i can do now is talk to him about what is going on but thats what the whole article is about. I am reall y glad i opened this website. Thanks a lot.

  7. Hayley on October 2, 2011 at 7:39 pm

    In curiosity, I have sacrificed everything for my partner and do as he wants and asks. All I want back is emotional support, as I have crazy situations a lot within my life. If a females emotional needs are not met and made clear on paper of not my feelings but of what female emotions need and if he does not register still, is it worth it, no matter how much you love them?

  8. Bobbi on October 22, 2011 at 10:56 am

    I to…….. have and did sacrifice everything to be with my partner. I left my family….a child is involved. And I do as he asks and wants. And honestly , and I’m serious. All I want in return from him is the love that I give to him and emotional support. I an there for him why is it so hard for him to do that? I don’t get it? I feel do distant from him and not connected. And I have confronted the issue, but all he will do is get angry and point the finger at me, turn the table around on me?? And that is how he gets out of it and puts it on me. Is this really worth it to me? NO….. But I love him. And as this goes on it is getting worse, and he is pushing much further away from me and don’t know what to do anymore. All I do is cry and still do as he asks of me.

  9. me on November 25, 2011 at 11:10 pm

    I kind of get a different reaction from my boyfriend which is frustrating. It’s abnormal even for men. Most guys will get upset or defensive, subject change or ignore. These are all responses. My boyfriend will for or lie still. He won’t get angry, he responds calmly with “I don’t know” when I try to get where he’s coming from. I only relate to people through empathy; putting myself in their shoes to understand them. He lost his shoes or he’s a liar. Usually this is his lie reaction, which makes it hard to differentiate. I usually try to use analogies he can relate to and he supposedly can’t relate. It’s just a big blah. He doesn’t understand what empathy means and that bring sensitive to someone or emotionally connect does NOT mean being an overly sensitive or emotional person. As friends we get along great, but as a girlfriend or sexually we have issues. He doesn’t want touching or sex, yet he previously had a porn addiction. Supposedly he’s over it but now never wants sex. He tries to make me happy in other ways like doing things for me. He has just recently learned about gifts just because, even something very small to show you care. I want to believe there is hope, but emotionally and sexually (not that they are unrelated) I’m concerned there’s a problem deeper than just “being a guy.” For one thing, what guy pushes a woman away from sex?

  10. Toya on November 26, 2011 at 4:47 pm

    This article was everything I needed to hear. I have been struggling with this “Man Withdrawal” for about 5 months now. My fiance pulls away sometimes and I started thinking everything negative because that is what I am used to. He is very sweet and kind. I just did not understand why one minute he loves me so much and the next it seems he is distant. Thank you so much…this will help me to step away when he withdraws and have a better relationship with him. I will not take it personally anymore. The love is definitely there….its just about understanding and respecting each others boundaries. Most of all this article showed me that maybe I need to put negative things aside so they will not hinder the positive things that I have. Thank you so much for this, I am 37 and still learning about love. I guess you’re never too old to learn.

  11. Dita on December 16, 2011 at 1:47 pm

    Thanks, Christian, but you never really give women direct answers to why men act so distant and do the push and pull method. You take me to the brink of thinking that you have the answer and you don’t seem to come through really. No offense, but I think you don’t know why it happens either.

  12. Sarah on December 20, 2011 at 12:06 pm

    @Dita – Everything is a hint. Whether it is relationships, business, parenting and so on. Every human interaction has many moving parts and motivations, sometimes hundreds, so it is not possible to cover your exact issue in an article that will be read by thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of people. The takeaway from any article is to look at the concept being presented and see if the general concept applies to your situation and go from there. If you are not capable of taking the idea and expanding on it, then maybe a relationship coach is the next step, as they will be able to address your exact issues and suggest more specific actions.

  13. mona garcia on February 4, 2012 at 3:50 am

    well my situation is similar and different at once. My bestfriend is a guy I love to pieces we’ve been everything under the sun to each other. But I got married and it didn’t last I was tied of waiting. Well he confessed his love for me online. I saw it and immediately contacted him. When we saw another we fought right away not the dream reunion we had in mind but we got over it he was calling and getting all the time then when I couldn’t make it to his house to visit for 2 weeks because I was moving he told me come now or I’m done with you I asked are you mad at me and he said that Mad would imply emotion. I just dont feel like dealing with it no more. Stay its ok. come well still talk either way im ok with the outcome . I don’t know what to do he’s my best friend of 11 years and my lover of five years and the love of my life. I know I hurt him but it wasn’t on purpose. I just wanted a committed relationship am I wrong please help me I don’t want to lose him.

  14. sami on February 21, 2012 at 4:47 pm

    “He immediately responds with irritation and frustration when you mention the distance between you, and tells you that you’re overreacting” – felt like i was hearing them out of his mouth again…it really annoys me when he acts this way because even when i have a bad day i smile and try to cheer him up. i put all my time and effort into trying to make him happy and i really get sick of it…i wish he’d stick to his promises….

  15. Marla on March 15, 2012 at 6:34 pm

    I don’t know what else to do with my man he’s very jealous doesn’t trust me he’s been hurt in the past I understand that but he accuses me of talking to men all the time I used to do that but I don’t anymore I tried to change for him I truly love him & I really want to be with him and work things out he is in another city now working and he wanted me to come live with him but I don’t know will he change ? I want to i’ve tried almost everything I can think off I don’t know what else to do !

  16. Memo on March 30, 2012 at 11:57 pm

    Are you trying to say that everything a man does is actually a woman’s fault? That it’s a woman’s fault for feeling awful when a man treats her like dirt? Interesting. Say, you wouldn’t happen to be Christian, would you?

  17. b on April 12, 2012 at 8:28 pm

    this is crap. so the guy can act like a distant a-hole and withdraw all he wants and when that inconsiderate behavior inevitably creates hurt and confused feelings…as it should because it is after all, an emotionally unavailable attitude…then the woman is supposed to just not take it personally or ignore it and walk away. Um, yeah….how is that progress? Sounds like giving up and accepting that it’s just going to be that way. to me. And we are never really told what to do about it, ultimately, besides changing our response to it, which is unfair because having a hurt feelings response in that situation is entirely appropriate.

  18. Michelle on July 4, 2014 at 1:47 am

    Everything in this article relates to how my fiancé is. We’ve been together over two years and he’s cheated on me with several woman. I’ve forgiven him but it’s hard to forget. He now works all the time and say’s he needs more him time. When I mention us time he gets very upset. He says he loves me but he says he don’t need me or want me for anything. He says he can take care of his self. I’ve tried leaving him alone and he runs back to me every time and because I love him I allow him to come back. He has been abusive to me and he gets mad when I ask him to help me out with anything that requires money. Please pray God have His way soon cause I’m mentally gone.thanks

  19. Lea on August 13, 2014 at 4:59 am

    I hear what you’re saying…but I truly believe that the person I’m with uses some of the above behaviours as a way to emotionally abuse me. I don’t talk to anyone about this. But if I step one foot outside the line that I know is drawn for me, I’ll suffer the consequences. I’ll be ignored, refused, shut out. He will play and laugh with our kids while I’m upset and know that it hurts me. I cannot say one word that in any way, shape or form means I am sticking up for myself. I have to do everything the way he wants me to do it, or I have to leave. So, I don’t completely believe in what you are saying. That’s all.

  20. Heather on August 29, 2014 at 7:39 am

    I just broke up with a guy like this. I am almost forty and have dated many men and was married over ten years and I can honestly say he was the first one I have encountered that was emotionally distant. He fits your descriptions to a t. To say women need to help him or change him is a joke. The woman is fine. The guy is not and I know after talking to this guy about his not emotionally connecting I set myself free for a wonderful man who will connect on all levels with me. People only change if they want to change. Its not a woman’s fault, except most likely something learned from their relationship with their mom since these men suffer from attachment issues. Blame mom yes and the man not the woman who dates them please.

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