If you’re feeling afraid that your “down” and “negative” feelings are going to push a man away – and so you keep a “stiff upper lip” – here’s some help.
I know this inside and out – because I still get triggered ALL THE TIME in just this way.
I was brought up to avoid conflict at all costs, and so my first instinct is ALWAYS to create PEACE, no matter how much it costs me emotionally.
But I’ve learned how to recognize when it’s happening to me, and how to stop RESISTING the feelings I’m feeling – no matter how uncomfortable or “inappropriate” they may be.
Even just last night, stuck in the car with my husband, there was a wave of discomfort in a discussion, in something he said to me that “triggered” me.
What we were talking about is pretty much not important – it was the feeling I had when he got a little “hot-tempered” and it just started to feel like “too much” for me.
And when you’re stuck in the car you really can learn quickly how to TOLERATE feeling your feelings so you can feel better quickly.
When this kind of thing happens to me, it’s like a tug-of-war starts inside me. The feelings of resentment, anger, frustration, sadness, weirdness and plain old discomfort well up inside me – but I’m instinctively afraid to express them. Even though I have my “word” Tools to speak what I’m feeling, I can feel this fight inside me.
Part of me wants to keep quiet. Part of me wants to change the subject into something “light.” Part of me wants to make a joke. Part of me wants to yell and scream and tell him exactly what I’m thinking and feeling and what an “idiot” he’s being at the moment.
Most of me just feels “dread,” and wants to forget that I’m feeling what I’m feeling, wind back the clock to BEFORE this all happened, and STOP myself from feeling at all.
Sound familiar to you?
That’s RESISTANCE. Trying to erase what you’re feeling.
And that just doesn’t work.
Resisting our feelings makes us sick. It makes us TENSE. It makes us “intense” in a “draining” way. It keeps us stuck in one place our whole lives.
And– it PUSHES men AWAY!
So – it sounds like a no-brainer to just STOP this RESISTANCE thing, but that’s easy to say.
Because we resist ourselves and our feelings for a reason. We do it because of fear, and because in the past, when we DIDN’T resist ourselves and our feelings – we might have had a bad result.
We may have been punished. We may have been dismissed. We may have been criticized. And so we have to start all over again – baby-step by baby step, to tolerate the fear that comes up when feelings come up – and practice NOT RESISTING, so we can learn to feel again – in the presence of a man.
It would be easy for me to say – “Stop resisting your feelings, use my Feeling Messages, and just BELIEVE ME that your man will come closer. BELIEVE ME that making yourself VULNERABLE will create MORE love for you.”
And though I DO want you to believe that this is true and that it can happen QUICKLY for you – it’s the BABY-STEPS I’m going to ask you to take that will change everything for you and get you what you want.
So – first Baby-Step is to NOTICE that you’re feeling strong feelings, that you don’t really know what to do with them, and that you’re RESISTING THEM.
In her books, CDs, DVDs and seminars, relationship coach Rori Raye teaches women the completely original, simple-to-do and stunningly effective techniques for communication, confidence, and connecting with men that she used to turn her own, now-glorious two-decades-long marriage around. I’m a trained relationship coach, a former crisis counselor, and through my eBook, programs and newsletter, I’ve helped thousands of women succeed in love by teaching them the Tools I’ve created and developed with my clients – Tools that work quickly and effortlessly to change a struggling love life into Happy Ever After. If you’re not familiar with Rori’s work, please do yourself a favor and get her book “Have The Relationship You Want.” It will shift everything, almost overnight.