by Orna and Matthew Walters
“Dear Orna and Matthew, 10 yrs. ago I broke up my relationship with a guy who I had been really good friends with a year prior to us deciding to date.
He is very shy and is a very committed Christian. For a while I thought their was a problem with me because he was not as physical as the other guys I had dated.
He was always kind, polite, thoughtful, positive, fun to be with, respectful…we never really argued or yelled at each other….then one day this other guy at my church starts calling me and after a few months I am enjoying the attention.
I am told by others that it would not work with the first guy because he didn’t go to the same church… I became confused and wrapped up in trying to do what I thought was the right thing. I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend and friend to date this other guy who I ended up marrying… and quickly regretting it!
He turned out to be a narcissistic- hot tempered – mean spirited person…nothing like my first boy friend…
I lived in depression and denial for 10 years trying to be the good wife and do the right thing…..finally filed for divorce and have talked to friends of my old boyfriend and they say he never dated anyone after me…
…he seems fine being alone they say…it sounds crazy…but I broke my own heart… I wonder if I broke his too?
I have tried to reach out to him… as a friend and no strings attached …just trying to make any kind of connection…. I thought if he had really loved me then maybe he would have responded….guess that only happens in the movies…. I am crazy about him and I love him…. even though I am going through a divorce…it’s not the ex-husband I cry over …it’s the my best friend, the one I let get away that I cry over and wonder if there is a way for us to ever reconcile or communicate?
He has not responded to any of my messages sent through facebook, yet he has not blocked me??? I don’t get it? Any thoughts no matter how brutal would be appreciated. Thanks, Becca”
Our Relationship Advice:
You ask us to be straight with you so here it goes: He did not respond to your messages – MOVE ON!
We are very complex as human beings and our emotions compound.
We feel that it is easier for you to dwell on the past then deal with your current reality.
Your heart will not be healed by getting into a relationship with your former friend/boyfriend.
The only way for your heart to heal is to take the best care of you and become whole.
We worry that you state that you love this person you have not been in a relationship with in over 10 years – here’s the brutal part – THIS IS NOT LOVE! This is a fantasy that you have carried out in your mind, all on your own.
We encourage you to mourn this past relationship, mourn the marriage that is ending, be diligent in a spiritual practice and most importantly practice Self Love. Forgive yourself for the choices you made in the past. We are certain you did the best you could. As corny as it sounds: Be your own best friend.
Love all the parts of you – the good, the bad, and the ugly. Release the past and move forward into the glorious future that awaits you!
Love and Abundance,
Orna and Matthew
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