Are you in a relationship right now? Does it feel like a good relationship or a bad relationship? Is it going smoothly or is it going through very rough times?
Though there’s always “good” and “bad” in every relationship – if most of the time you feel “bad” – it’s time to take a look at both what’s causing things to go bad, and also what you will and will not tolerate that feels bad.
How you and your man get through the “bad” parts pretty much determines the tone, the dynamics, and the general feelings of both of you in the relationship.
And once the “bad relationship” vibe gets rolling, it picks up speed and can turn even a good relationship sour.
How Did Things Take a Turn for “Bad Relationship?”
You must be wondering how it happened. How can the romantic relationship you started out with – the fun, the chemistry, the tenderness – all just sort of dried up.
And the worst of it is – you, as the woman, most likely are starting to fear you’ve done something wrong. We women tend to take on “blame” – as though a relationship is all our responsibility. But that’s not how it works.
If you’re finding yourself in the “bad” part of a relationship and it’s just continuing on and on – you didn’t get there alone.
It takes two of you to make a relationship – it takes skills and emotional intellegence and kindness and listening.
But here’s the thing: If you’ve been experiencing one bad relationship after another – the common denominator here is YOU.
It’s not your fault – but the question to ask yourself is – Why am I continually ending up in a bad relationship?
Perhaps you’re drawn to an icky feeling relationship out of habit, or old subconscious patterns you’re not even that aware of (most of us aren’t aware of our subconscious patters). And still – this has nothing to do with your doing anything “wrong” or having “shortcomings.”
It’s so easy to blame ourselves – and yet – we have to look at everything and find out what IS our 50% of responsibility in a relationship.
Here are some things that you can look at to see if a bad relationship is something that keeps repeating itself in your life for a reason.
What Leads to a Bad Relationship:
Lack of Communication
Communication is an important part of every relationship. Lack of communication can make a romantic relationship turn into a bad relationship because this keeps both you and your partner from having a clear understanding of what is really going on and why a certain problem is happening.
Aside from this, it also creates more conflicts since you do not know what the other exactly wants and expects from the relationship.
Keeping yourself in silence when a problem in the relationship arises will not do you any good – it’ll just aggravate the problem – and yet, most of us women know that. It’s usually men who tend to go into hiding when things go downhill.
But no matter what’s going on – no matter how closed up or shut down your man is – it’s important for you to continue to stay open.
We’re not saying to talk about the relationship. Discussing the relationship and it’s problems all the time works against you. It puts a horrible damper on a man’s interest in you and makes him want to withdraw even more and leave you even more frustrated.
If both of you continue to be in silence, expect your bad relationship to turn into a worse one.
Infidelity and Dishonesty
Infidelity and dishonesty are two words that are often associated with each other. If a person is unfaithful, he or she is dishonest in so many ways.
Lots of break-ups nowadays are due to infidelity. If you find out that your partner is unfaithful to you, of course this can lead to a serious fight and more heated arguments.
For sure, your initial reaction will be so outraged that you will not be able to listen to reasons “why” anymore. Upon knowing your partner’s infidelity, you will come to realize some of the dishonest answers that he or she gave you in the past when you asked about some important things.
Your once happy and romantic relationship will now turn into a bad relationship because there is one important element which is lacking – and that is trust.
You begin to become more suspicious and jealous, so from then on your arguments will go in circles.
Infidelity can actually be overcome. But a pattern of lying can’t. If you can’t eventually trust a man with your heart – there’s nothing that can help the relationship.
Pride is another big reason why a good relationship turns into a bad relationship. Conflicts and petty fights are part of every relationship – so you should not be devastated if you and your man go through these from time to time.
And – it’s worthwhile to learn ways – “non-violent communication” is a terrific tool for this – to talk about and share your challenging feelings like anger and jealousy and disappointment without making a man “wrong.” It’s when we meet anger or even verbal ‘attack” with defensiveness and a return attack that things go bad.
Learning to voice your views and say what you want and need is crucial to keep things going well…and the moment either of you start to feel “unsafe” with the other – that’s your clue that your communication is going bad and you’re more concerned with being “right” than with having a good, happy relationship.
No opinion is worth destroying a relationship.
If you find yourself letting your pride take over an emotional moment in your relationship – that’s when you can rescue everything by “humbling down,” realizing your mistake, and finding a better way to express yourself. It doesn’t mean he’s still not wrong and you’re not right! It just means that being right isn’t important – LOVE is important!
Pride will never do you good in a relationship – it’s not the same thing as “respect.”
Respecting each other means you both know that “pride” is wired into each of us, and so you respect each other by not attacking each other or being so concerned about being right you throw each other’s feelings “under the bus.”
You should always know how to ask for forgiveness if you made a mistake. Be prepared to “bend” and compromise. Allow your man to influence you and impact you – as long as he’s doing it with a warm regard for your feelings. Be willing to give way if you think that what your man says will be beneficial to you and to the relationship.
Bending and compromising isn’t the same as “giving in” or being a doormat.
Sometimes you have to “pick your battles” – or you’ll always be battling and always risking turning your relationship into a bad relationship.