by Orna and Matthew Walters
Here’s a relationship question from a reader:
“I’ve been dating someone (living together) for five years but I’m not REALLY sure what this relationship IS.
We have a lot in common and our everyday living is really comfortable and good and calm.
BUT the sex is almost non-existent (once a month at most) and I’m no longer interested in it with him. He SAYS he’s interested with me but he’s just not really all that physically affectionate (never really was..and i need it).
He says he loves me and wants to stay with me and have kids BUT then it’s difficult to get him to do things with me and he recently told me that he didn’t want to go with me because it meant he wouldn’t be working on his stuff
(to advance in his career…we have the same job).
He didn’t come with me to the emergency room when i thought i had malaria from a trip to Africa (I had some symptoms when I came back). He is also really shy, doesn’t like talking to new people etc. I’m really outgoing and love meeting new people and being in crowds with excitement and traveling…he hates it.
Have we just turned into room mates?
Should we end it because of the incompatible parts? Or work on it for the compatible parts? It is the first relationship where I didn’t feel like he was totally indifferent to me, but then again his lack of interest in doing things with me makes me feel unsupported and not loved.
When I told my friend he has agreed to make an effort he said “what he’s agreed to is to acknowledge your presence.” Is he just staying with me because it’s comfortable and he is too shy to find someone else? (He has NEVER I repeat NEVER picked up a girl). He’s only been with 3 including me, and each time is was THEM that initiated it. Thanks, Andrea”
Our Advice on Your Relationship:
Thank you, Andrea, for reaching out, and it seems that you already know the answer from the way that you have phrased the question. Its not about “What is this relationship?” or “What is going on with my boyfriend?” The real question for you to ask yourself is “Is this relationship fulfilling my needs?”
Your boyfriend is who he is, and is not likely to change. It is not some unreasonable desire to want to be with a partner who supports you, and who desires you.
Rather than hoping for your boyfriend to magically one day meet your needs and change, it is important that you ask the only person who you have the power change and that is you – to do something to change your situation.
Can Your Needs Really Be Met in a Relationship?
We whole-heartedly believe that you can have ALL your needs met in relationship, however, you may need to change who you are in relationship with to get those needs met.
Be clear on what you want. Communicate clearly to your boyfriend what you require. If your needs are not being met, move on.
Love and Abundance,
Orna and Matthew
From Sarah: From Sarah: You’re going to want to check out Orna and Matthew’s program (they created an ebook plus audio for us – we’re the only place you can get it, and it’ll blow you away!) – “Get Your Mr. Right.” You’ll learn so much just from this page, and the program is one of the best things we’ve ever read and heard…you’ll get SO much more from dating after you work with Get Your Mr. Right->