Here’s a letter from Helene about the man she’s dating that just made me jump out of my seat!:
“I am dating a man who would not normally be my type. I resisted at first.
I got diagnosed with breast cancer soon after we started dating. I told him I would think nothing less of him if he stopped dating me and moved on. He said he wanted to see me through the treatments and wanted to see how our relationship would develop. He was wonderful during chemo, though I wasn’t feeling it for him at the time. I decided that my decision during treatment was not to make any decision.
I was used to dating a professional man who makes about $100,000, and is outgoing and social. This man is , nice looking, not a College graduate, not a professional man, went to 2 years of specific training in this field, makes about $60,000, introverted, not socially sophisticated. He has a good steady job of 30 years working for the city, as a pest control supervisor. He is 58 and plans on retiring next year. Then working another job to add to a great pension he will be receiving from the city.
He has a wonderful character, a good man, and is very good to me. Recently I told him I would no longer resist nor judge him and I would work on acceptance and appreciation. The relationship turned around. We have a lot in common, yet I still wonder if he’s the one. He is seeing me through radiation which I am at my tail end on.
My question to you is, is the reason I am not getting the other things in a man due to my self esteem?
Its true my hair is just beginning to grow back, I wear lots of cute wigs, and about 7-10lbs. over what I like to weigh. Yet, he accepts me with or without hair, overweight or not, doesn’t matter what I wear.
He’s crazy about me. We kiss great. I am attracted to him. Sex is a bit of a challenge due to my menopause, chemo, and radiation. So dryness even though personal lubricants is part of our repertoire is still difficult. He is patient and wonderful with that too. So…were and are my expectations for finding a different kind of man unrealistic at my age, 56?
Thank you for listening, and your quick response and advice, Helene”
Our Answer For Your Dating Question:
Oh, my goodness, Helene – What exactly is missing here?!
You are attracted to him – you’re the one with sexual issues, he treats you great and sees you for the gem you are. He’s nice looking!
What counts here is do you enjoy his company when you’re alone with him? Are you happy when you’re dating him if you’re not thinking about what anyone else thinks? Forget about the social stuff. Forget about appearances. He’s going to retire! That means you and he could become entrepreneurs together, you could vacation, you could live all kinds of places, start internet businesses.
Can you talk to him? Is he at least close to as intelligent as you (forget about schooling – we’re talking native intelligence)?
And you like the way he kisses!!!
The problem is you’re looking at this relationship as if you have to please someone else out there. Your low self-esteem is requiring you to have all the outer, power, superficial, by-the-numbers, the way it looks qualities you thought you wanted in a man.
High self-esteem means you hook up with a man who sees you, makes you feel good, makes you laugh, has some qualities – perhaps he’s artistic – bet there are lots of things about him that are very cool if you’d find out about them.
Sounds To Me Like You Don’t Know Why You’re Dating Him – But That More Than Anything – You’re Just AFRAID!
Because this man has seen you at your worst and still wants you, you figure he can’t be much of a man. WRONG!!!!
PLEASE hang in there.
Open your heart – look for his unique wonderful qualities, his viewpoint. Any man who can see you past all the illness and stuff has real depth. That, to me, is huge. Let me know, will you?
Note From Sarah: When we really want to change a man, so that he’ll be the way we imagine our man “should” be – we’re often not even “seeing” the REAL man. What happens is we IGNORE the important things – like compatibility and whether or not this man is even ABLE to be a good partner in a lifelong relationship. That’s why it’s so important to learn everything you can about a man from the first moment.
You want to catch the red flags, the things you like and the things you don’t like before you fall. Our “Attract The Hell Out Of Him – Crack The Secret Code Of His Personality” will help you do just that – not only “read” a man’s personality almost immediately by having the skills to pick up on the clues and signals he sends out – but you’ll be able to “assess” how he’s likely to GEL with YOU! Go to see how you can make your love life and dating get the results you want with “The Secret Code Of His Personality->