by Christian Carter
I’m going to share a question from a reader that I know you’ll be interested in…
>>>Question From A Reader:
I purchased your e-book last night and have been reading it. Wow! But I admit I skipped to some parts to get to others that I thought I needed to read first…and now I’m going back to read the entire thing. I wanted to share something with you first that struck me.
I have made the mistake of admitting to a friend that I have feelings for him – more than a friendship. We have been intimate with each other about 3 times. Everything was fine until I mentioned my feelings to him. I wasn’t asking him for a relationship…but he took it that way. I have since then been pouring my heart out to him and pretty much looking insane.
Is there any way to save it? I know he has feelings for me.
Please help…and tell me how to reverse the damage I have done.
Thanks so much
WAKE UP GIRL!
I’ve got to slap some sense into you for your own good.
I’m going to skip some critical stuff here because you’ve got my book. But, go back to Chapter 6 and read each section again.
Your fears are taking over your emotions… which in turn is driving the behavior that your guy is responding negatively to. You’ve stopped steering your life emotionally and you’ve let go of the wheel.
In Chapter 6, read about the Emotional Gap, and about “Setting Yourself Apart From Other Women”, starting on page 85.
And I’ve got some new ideas for you too…
There’s an important scientific word I want you to learn and remember:
You OBVIOUSLY have real feelings for him – you’re sleeping with him!
And I’m willing to bet you had these feelings all along, but you just weren’t completely up front about them.
Your situation is possibly the WORST kind of uphill battle a woman can have with a man early on. It’s a BIG NO-NO.
Actually, it’s THE big NO-NO in the early dating stage…
Using purely “physical attraction” to start a potential relationship.
Now, you can go from a committed and deep relationship to something “casual” or physical. And for most men, that’s relatively easy. But, it is almost impossible to go from the “friends-with-benefits” situation to a deep, fulfilling, intimate and lasting situation. If you know what I’m talking about here say, “Amen!”
I know this first hand.
From my own love life and from lots of men and women I’ve known in my life.
So… rarely do I give rules, but here’s an absolute RULE when it comes to men –
DON’T EVER try and start things with a man at a casual and purely physical level if you EVER want the option for something more meaningful or long term. Men don’t work this way, like it or not.
And don’t try to get a man BACK with physical attraction and sex either. It’s a dead end street.
OK… here’s the first thing you need to do.
Go read my book again – and this time finish it.
Then read it 2 more times.
(Just buying it won’t help you.)
The worst part of this is that you’re smart and you know better – I can tell. But, I guess you’re a glutton for punishment.
And I can’t see why you’re surprised with how frustrating your situation is…
Because YOU helped create it with your own choices.
But, you’re still not getting it, so I’m going to give you a crash course in the kind of dating that leads to love and happiness that you need.
Here we go…
KNOW YOURSELF AND WHAT YOU’RE AFTER
You said, “I have made the mistake of admitting to a friend that I have feelings for him.”
It’s NOT a mistake to share your feelings with a man.
It IS a mistake to share your feelings with a man too early and in a negative context.
And, you made both of these mistakes, therefore, setting yourself up for failure.
By choosing and “tolerating” a situation that just doesn’t work for you.
INSTANTLY you become the nay-sayer and antagonist for the story you chose to live out and the role you signed up for. At least that’s the way your guy probably sees it. One minute you’re blissfully happy in his embrace and then a day or two later your feelings of content have turned to fear and desperation… All because of a “talk” you wanted to have with him.
Yeah, I’m riding you a bit hard here, but it’s for your own good.
Instead of being open with yourself about what YOU are truly after, you pursued some kind of “friends with benefits” strategy to get things moving.
I don’t believe that this kind of relationship came about because of any part of who you really are.
That’s why you’re freaking out.
You thought you could handle it.
You thought you’d get something out of it.
And for a minute, it was fun.
But then your feelings snuck up on you.
Eventually you were reminded of what you’re really after with a man and what you value.
Right now you have two pictures in your mind:
One picture is of this “casual” thing going on.
And the other one is what you actually want.
The two pictures are so radically different and far apart from each other, that it’s no wonder you’re acting “insane”. Your expectations are COMPLETELY out of line for what you’re ACTUALLY doing with this guy. It’s time to stop creating situations in your life that you KNOW won’t make you happy or comfortable – even if they feel good in the moment.
From Sarah: You’ll want to get Christian’s free eletters – they’re all amazing, like this one, and once he’s sent them out, you won’t see them again (except here – and I’m working my way through my favorites for you) – just go here to learn more about how Christian knows so much about women (oh, and he SO does…) and to get his free advice->