by Christian Carter
Do you ever worry that you are going to lose a good man because he no longer feels an attraction to you?
You aren’t alone. Today I wanted to talk about how such negative beliefs and doubts often lead to incredibly destructive behavior: clingy neediness that DRIVE MEN AWAY faster than Monday Night Football.
Check out a recent question I received from a reader about this problem, and then read on to learn WHY this happens, WHAT MEN THINK about it, and how to PREVENT it from ruining your relationship:”
>>>>Question From A Reader:
About 2 months ago I met a fantastic guy – the chemistry is amazing, the strongest ever, and there is a strong physical attraction. But I cannot stop the negative thinking that comes into my mind about everything this man does or says. If he doesn’t call for a day I think he will never call (he always does), and if he changes plans (usually with a good reason) I think he is pulling away. My thinking is making my behavior clingy and obsessive and it is taking every ounce of strength not to show how I am feeling so I don’t scare him away. These games are exhausting. All my friends tell me to relax and enjoy, but how do you do this?
First, thanks for your honesty and self- awareness in this question. I’m glad you asked because having this kind of repetitive negative thinking is more common that you might think.
And it almost ALWAYS drives a man away.
If not physically, then emotionally.
In fact, whether you see it or not, both men AND women have these uncertain and insecure feelings that get in their way.
So the good news is that you’re not alone.
But the bad news is that lots of women who feel “helpless” in this way NEVER figure out what to do about it until it’s too late.
By then the guy has already come to that critical moment where he has seen so much of your insecure thinking and behavior that he gets that “Eeeewwwww” feeling.
You know, that feeling where you see something that’s so unappealing to you that you literally tighten up your body, your eyes, everything, and say or think “Eeeeewwwww”.
This “Eeeeewwwww” feeling changes everything.
Once a man has this “Eeeewwww” feeling with a woman, there’s little or nothing she can do to try and bring back the passion and respect a man used to have for her.
And forget about him feeling ATTRACTION.
A man’s “Eeeewwwww” is basically him feeling the OPPOSITE of attraction, where he literally wants to get away as quickly as possible.
The truth is that THE MOST CERTAIN AND COMPLETE WAY TO DRIVE A MAN AWAY (and as far away as possible) is to become overly needy, clingy, and suspicious.
Whether in private or in public.
I don’t just mean in what you SAY.
I’m also talking about doing this just by what you FEEL.
One of the things I’ve talked about before is how once you believe something to be “true”, you tend to find proof of what it is that you believe all around you in the world.
For example, people used to believe that the world was flat… and when they did, there was proof everywhere that they found that made “sense”
to them and supported their firm belief that the world was flat.
And even when someone came along and proved that the world was round, it took a long time for most people to start to accept this as “reality”.
The reason that I bring this up is because it sounds to me like you’re looking for an answer to a problem… when what you need is NOT an answer.
What you need is the right BELIEF.
So instead of trying to “fix” all the things that you think are the problem with you in your relationship, you should actually try to change what you believe and PREVENT these problems in the first place.
Following me here?
I’m going to talk about how to prevent this problem first, then tell you a few things you can do when you run into it again in the future as well.
Here Are Two Things About Attraction to Keep in Mind:
1) As you might already know, men aren’t often the best in the world at giving emotional support and at nurturing. He might not recognize what’s really going on with you, or he might not know how to give you what you want, or it might even be that he is afraid of how you are acting and he doesn’t feel comfortable getting any closer to you.
2) Men expect that if a woman likes them, then the woman should feel good when she’s around him.
I know it might sound simple, or even stupid, but if a woman is constantly stressed or worried or unhappy when she’s around a man, not only does a man feel like he can’t make her happy, but he’ll want to spend LESS and LESS time around her.
Here are two ways to communicate with a man that will make him not only FEEL GOOD, but make him want to communicate with you and be around you more:
1) Figure out how to make it so that men can see and recognize what it is that you are looking for with them, without frustrating or confusing them even more.
2) Find out why it is that YOU are so chronically unsatisfied. Men want to be around women who make them FEEL GOOD. Telling him that he is constantly doing things WRONG just creates more ANXIETY
Now, let’s tackle this first approach.