by Orna and Matthew Walters
This week’s relationship question comes from Anonymous:
“Hi Orna and Mathew,
First and foremost I have to say how much I LOVE your column each week and I have downloaded your self-acceptance meditation/visualization and it has helped me tremendously. I look forward to your Love Notes every week and especially enjoyed yesterday’s — thank you for sharing.
So my question is very hard to ask. I am 40 something and have never been in love or in a serious relationship…life has simply gotten in the way…I didn’t have the greatest example of love from my parents, so, as much as I want to visualize and dream, I simply can’t…
I know I have to believe but it is so very hard when there is nothing to compare, and the fact that it hasn’t ever happened and at this age has given me little hope. I don’t feel as if it was meant for me and yet I am the most loving being on the planet…I have tons of friends to attest to that. What does one do when you just can’t believe? Somehow I feel as if I missed the boat.
Thank you so very much and happy holidays!”
Thanks for the kind words. We are glad to be of service. First off, realize that it is your limiting beliefs around love that are blocking you. You haven’t missed the boat. In fact, there isn’t a boat to miss. The real place to begin is with belief.
You were not born with any limitations to love. You learned that from your parents (as you mentioned they were not the greatest example). You had experiences when you were a child and you made decisions about what those experiences meant. Those decisions, when acted upon, became beliefs. Those beliefs are now controlling your thoughts, feelings and actions around relationship.
We suggest doing some detective work to figure out what those limiting beliefs are. Do you believe you are not worthy of love? Do you believe that it is too late for you? Do you believe that the right man doesn’t exist? Discovering your underlying limiting beliefs will go a long way towards understanding how you got yourself where you are now.
The next step is to take complete responsibility for where you are. Your parents didn’t create this nor did society. You did. You alone are responsible for the fact that you haven’t created what you desire. That can sound a little harsh, and it is an important step that will allow you to step into your power and not feel like a victim. When you realize that you are responsible for your results you can begin to take responsibility for changing them.
What do you want to believe is possible for you? If you knew you couldn’t fail, what would you create? Most of us settle for less than what we desire because we think we are not worthy to receive it all.
You Are Worthy of the Love and Relationship You Desire
And in order to create it, you need to know what it looks like.
What does a healthy relationship look like to you?
Maybe you don’t have any examples of healthy relationships in your life. Start looking for them. It is useful to have evidence that your desired belief exists in the world. Start spending time with people who are happily married or in long-term monogamous relationships. Ask them what their secret is to making it work. This will help you build the belief that it is possible for you.
Orna and I didn’t get married until after we were 40 and neither of us had ever been married before. We made most of the mistakes that can be made in relationship. Our failures were not predictive of our success. Our belief in our desire was. Believe that you can create it and take action on that belief.
We hope this helps and we want to hear about your success.
Love and Abundance,
Orna and Matthew
From Sarah: Orna and Matthew are the only couple working together coaching women on relationships getting the amazing kind of results I personally know they’re getting – you’ll LOVE their ebook-plus-audio program Get Your Mr. Right – it will turn around EVERYTHING you believed about getting the lifelong love you want and help you so fast it’s incredible – just check out Get Your Mr. Right here to get the relationship you want->