by Orna and Matthew Walters
This week’s question about love comes from a number of you:
“Dear Orna & Matthew,
I want to love myself. How? What do I need to do to love myself?”
Self-love is an ongoing practice, a way of being. It consists of actions you can take but also it is a way of honoring yourself.
Some Practices You Can Do to Develop Self-Love:
1. Express your authentic feelings
Expressing your feelings authentically is a way of honoring your feelings; a way of saying what I feel matters and is worth expressing. Often we are taught as children that our feelings are not important, or even worse, wrong, and because of that we learn to not trust our feelings. When we express our feelings we are saying that our feelings do matter and begin to regain trust with that part of ourselves. Expressing our emotions authentically is a way to honor and therefore love ourselves.
This does not mean your feelings are everything. Feelings are like an ocean wave. When we allow ourselves to feel our feelings and express them it is like the wave crashing onto the shore and then receding. This allows another emotion to reveal itself.
2. Know and enforce your boundaries
First you must become aware of when you are allowing your boundaries to be crossed. Your emotions are the sign. If you allow someone in close and it feels unsafe, uncomfortable or uneasy then you have allowed him or her to cross your boundary. Become aware of what it feels like when someone crosses your boundaries.
The easiest way to enforce your boundaries once you’ve discovered them is to honor your “No.” Many people are afraid to say no, but when we become comfortable saying no then we can truly honor our “Yes.” Wouldn’t it be great if when you said yes you really meant it and could throw yourself into a situation whole heartedly?
3. Re-fill your cup
We’ve addressed this a lot in our blog and on our calls. Take time to re-fuel your inner child. This will help you create rapport with yourself and will make the previous two steps even easier.
4. Introspect and Journal
Introspection is important in learning to truly know yourself. And by introspection we mean looking deeply at your actions and understanding where they come from. Introspection asks you to be a detective about your behavior and requires that you suspend judgment. Look in the mirror of your self and be honest about who you truly are.
Journaling can be a part of introspection and it can also be a separate practice. It can be helpful first thing in the morning to do an exercise of free writing where you write non-stop for at least 20 minutes. This is a brain drain. When you are done you will find that your mind is much clearer and focused on your tasks throughout the day.
Journaling can also be done at night before bed or anytime you get stuck in a negative emotional state. Journaling when you are stuck in a negative emotion can allow you to find clarity and let go of that feeling.
5. Say nice things to yourself.
Otherwise known as affirmations.
Why Self-Love Is an Issue:
It is probably because you have a strong negative internal voice. Saying nice things to yourself, even when you don’t believe them yet, can allow you to quiet that negative voice.
During any repetitive action that doesn’t require a lot of brainpower, repeat a mantra or affirmation like:
“I love and approve and accept myself.”
“I am worth loving.”
“There is plenty of love for everyone, including me.”
Doing this while exercising, doing the dishes, brushing your teeth, walking up a few flights of stairs, strolling the aisles at the supermarket, or any other common daily activity will go a long way towards changing that negative internal voice.
Remember, what you are saying to yourself about yourself is key to learning to love yourself. This is your chance to be a good parent to your inner child and tell her how much you love and appreciate her.
We hope this is helpful and we look forward to hearing your success stories as you transform into a queen of self-love.
Love and Abundance,
Orna and Matthew
From Sarah: Orna and Matthew are the only couple working together coaching women on relationships getting the amazing kind of results I personally know they’re getting – you’ll LOVE their ebook-plus-audio program Get Your Mr. Right – it will turn around EVERYTHING you believed about getting the lifelong love you want and help you so fast it’s incredible – just check out Get Your Mr. Right here to get the love you want->