Are you frustrated by your attempts to get heard?
Here are a couple of mistakes to avoid that will get conversations with your guy off on the right foot.
Mistake #1: Choosing A Bad Time To Talk
Did you ever notice that sometimes you start a conversation and he doesn’t respond?
Maybe some of your conversation starters are a total disaster from the first words. And you find yourself walking away from the conversation asking yourself “What just happened?”
Most of the time, a man isn’t trying to be rude. We want to talk to you about what’s important to you, but sometimes we feel overwhelmed by information overload.
Or our mind is just somewhere else.
And there are times when you feel the need to say what you have to say, when you need to say it.
Men have trouble focusing on more than one important thing at a time.
Attempting to focus on two things at once is a recipe for disaster for many men.
Fortunately, my wife learned this every early on about me. If I’m focusing on something, whether it be working at my desk, fixing something in the bathroom or dealing with an issue with the cats, please DO NOT approach me out of the blue, about something important.
If you do, I can’t be responsible for how responsive I am. And this becomes a lose/lose situation for both of us.
When we men are able to give you our complete focus, we’re all in. We can hear you. We are willing to participate fully in the conversation.
And you have a much better chance of being heard and hopefully having the influence you desire.
In my ebook, “How To Talk To A Man” I go into depth on how and when to start important conversations, and how to get and keep them on track, when and if they go south.
Mistake #2: Keeping The Conversation Going Even When He’s “Done”
Does your guy ever tune out during an important conversation?
Maybe he’ll get up, remember something that needs to be done, change the topic or scroll on his phone?
I remember how short my attention span was when the conversions got too heavy. I could watch tennis for hours, but these talks were a different story.
Something would happen internally that would force me to stand up and focus elsewhere – it was an actual physical sensation that I couldn’t sit there any longer.
This was because of one very simple reason – I was done talking.
I’m not saying I’m proud of it, or that it was right. In fact I know it wasn’t. And in retrospect, it was probably so frustrating and infuriating for my wife.
And yet, I can remember some of what was going on for me – I needed time to absorb what I had just heard – some time and space to let it all sink in.
And I know it was probably hard for her because she wasn’t done saying what she needed to say.
While many women love to talk stuff out until it’s all expressed, many men have a hard time with that.
In “How To Talk To A Man” I give very specific advice how to have these conversations in a way that gives both you and him a chance to be heard.
But until you get to that point, you have to realize that at some point, for him, the conversation, at that time, is over.
When you are comfortable in how to cut these conversations short, you avoid undoing any progress you’ve made up until that point.
Jeffrey Levine is a corporate coach and trained mediator (and Rori Raye’s husband) who works with both men and women to improve their communication, deepen their connection and remove the blocks that keep them from feeling and expressing love. He is the author of “How To Talk To A Man”, which contains invaluable advice, tools and solutions to help you avoid common relationship pitfalls, and clean things up when they go south. “Every moment presents a new choice for you: a decision about what you want – and what you believe you deserve.”