Have you ever been in pain over a relationship, and a friend comes along and tells you to “relax” – and that just sounds to you like “suck it up” – or some other dismissive, easy thing for them to say?

by Rori Raye

I’ve always felt even worse when someone says something like that, and so my work has always been about NOT denying your pain – but experiencing it, working with it, accepting it, feeling it, loving it, embracing it – and moving through it.

That’s why, when I develop a Tool that has anything to do with “positive thinking,” I want you to know how it fits in to my whole Rori Raye methods and techniques.

I don’t even use the word: “positive“!

Instead of “labeling” anything at all (for me, labeling is an entirely mental – and therefore masculine – idea) I like to use words like “good feeling feelings” – that share your “feeling state” as simply and body-sensation-based as possible.

In this Tool – I want to show you a way to work with “good feeling” and “happy” thoughts that’s not meant for you to RESIST your pain – but to build, amplify, grow – and BREED more “good feeling” and Happy thoughts and feelings.

So… Ever heard that phrase – “No pain no gain”? As frustrating and pretty much obnoxious as that sounds – it’s true in a way – because on your road to Happy Ever After, whenever you move forward in your mind, heart, spirit, relationship and life, there are always Growing Pains.

It’s how we deal with the growing pains that makes all the difference about what happens next – and we can learn to USE even pain to help us get what we want.

If we’re used to experiencing pain in Love, then when we’re confronted with happiness, our minds get scared – it’s like happiness “does not compute.”

And our scared minds then do what’s automatic for them – they bounce us back into pain.

So this is our experience: Pain breeds more pain. And yet, because we instinctively “resist” happiness, happiness bounces us back into pain.

Therefore, we start to feel and believe that happiness is random, and pain is the constant in our lives.

Does this sound familiar?

Do you see yourself repeating the same kinds of patterns – being attracted to the same kind of man, getting involved too quickly, focusing on one man instead of on your own desires for yourself, focusing on your man instead of your own passion for your own life, always expecting the “other shoe to drop” and hurt to show it’s ugly face again?

Well – here’s the missing piece: If pain breeds more pain – then doesn’t it make sense that happiness could actually breed more HAPPINESS?

There are lots of reasons for “The Bounce” back into pain, and for now, let’s do a simple Tool to undo the Bouncing:

TOOL: BREED HAPPINESS

1. Say to yourself: Happiness makes more happiness. Happiness is the child of happiness. Therefore, I am now in the business of making more happiness for myself.

2. Say it to yourself as much as a can….

3. Now do this: Start noticing what happens inside you when you say this to yourself. Do you automatically bounce back to “resistance”? Like “How dare you tell me to be happy! What do YOU know about happy?”

4. Fall In Love with that voice inside you that told you off, that told you you’re a fool for even thinking about being happy, talking about it, thinking you know anything about being happy, or that you even DESERVE to be happy. Fall in Love with ALL that “push-back.”

5. Stop yourself as often as you can and just notice where you’re at. Are you “thinking?” What are you thinking about?

*Say the happiness mantra and see if you get “push-back.”

*Fall in Love with the “Push-back” voice. Notice how your body is feeling and where it’s feeling it. If there’s a tension and a painful thought happening, notice it. Fall in love with it!

6. See what’s in front of you: gently redirect your energy to what’s going on around you – trees, flowers, books, the carpet, the furniture…

7. If you notice a “happy” thought drifting through your mind, notice if you’re smiling, or laughing, or that your shoulders suddenly relax and your throat loosens up…and then notice if that happy thought leads you to another happy thought – or if it goes right to the “push-back” bounce.

8. If pain or a painful thought shows up (remember the Bounce is going to continue to happen – it’s what you DO with it that counts…), then say this to yourself: “Pain – I love you! Icky, nasty thought – I Love you! You’re helpful to me! I will never abandon you, and now I’m going to look at a flower…”

9. Think of EVERYTHING as a Tool. Everything, no matter how it feels to you, looks to you, or what ANYONE says to you about it can be USED.

You can use anything and everything that happens, in some way, no matter how small, to keep you on your rightful track to your very own, all-the-time Happy Ever After – which can start for you this very moment!

In her books, CDs, DVDs and seminars, relationship coach Rori Raye teaches women the completely original, simple-to-do and stunningly effective techniques for communication, confidence, and connecting with men that she used to turn her own, now-glorious two-decades-long marriage around.
“I’m a trained relationship coach, a former crisis counselor, and through my eBook, programs and newsletter, I’ve helped thousands of women succeed in love by teaching them the Tools I’ve created and developed with my clients – Tools that work quickly and effortlessly to change a struggling love life into Happy Ever After.” If you haven’t read her book yet, “Have The Relationship You Want”, please follow the link today. 

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