Hi, This is Rori –
These are the top 6 things (so far) holding you back from lifelong love (and I’m going to just sketch them out here, then expand on them – and teach them to you step-by-step in my Find Love, Reconnect Love and Keep Love Forever 4-week teleclass coming up on January 31st):
Urgency happens when your boy energy – your inner Knight in Shining Armor – is going unemployed.
You’re giving him nothing to do.
The solutions :
***Adopt a new mantra – “I have all the time in the world…”
***Find and DO the things that create passion in you – artistic things, creative things, volunteer activist things…
Give your inner “boy” a task that’s meaningful, complex and will get RESULTS!
What happens now is – the urgency fades!
2. NOT doing Circular Dating properly.
Specifically – if you’re actually dating: Not doing Online Dating properly with a good photo and profile and knowing how to handle the emails and the calls and meetings.
And if you’re in a relationship: Not allowing yourself to be 100% open to every man who shows up in your space – wherever you are – and using that opportunity to practice the Tools.
This is something your inner “boy” will grab onto with all teeth if you really assign the job to him!
If you really put your heart and soul and grunt work into DOING this.
3. Deciding your “Biography” is your “Destiny”
Just because it happened to you, just because you “did” that – no matter how many times – doesn’t mean it has to happen or you have to do that again. You get a fresh start every moment.
Go watch “Groundhog Day.” Yes, a film, that illustrates the process of learning.
It may take you a thousand false starts and dead-ends to learn where the best next step is for you…and it might take you one day.
The thing is – if you don’t take it one day at a time, one moment at a time, if you try to leap ahead (the way Bill Murray does in many of his “days”) – you’re guaranteed to be inauthentic.
And nothing really works when you’re not being authentically who you are – however you are.
Most important – who really knows who we are? So the process of authenticity is a process of discovery, too…
No leaping! Baby-step-by-baby-step!
4. Seeking to be in charge of LIFE and by so doing stepping down from being in charge of YOU
Here you succumb to the tyrant voices inside your own head and you make them real.
Here – you believe God, The Universe, The Great Unknown, or however you see as larger-than-you – is speaking to you through your tyrant voices. And those tyrant voices are all so truly love-starved and frightened, they cannot be the voice of God, The Universe, The Great Unknown, or anything larger-than-you.
Your inner voice, the true voice of what’s larger-than-you-and-I will calm you down.
It will slow you down.
It will feel peaceful no matter what.
The voices of urgency inside you are tyrant voices that you must heal.
5. Trying to heal yourself inside by “conquering” instead of loving.
If you don’t like the way you feel, or the way you acted, or what you said, or what you thought…it will hold you back.
If you rag on yourself – what’s out there will rag on you, too…because, really – that’s your choice!
Mistakes are part of the process.
You cannot discover anything new or get anywhere new without making mistakes.
You have to feel your way through each step along the way
You have no choice here but to love what you feel, the way you act, what you say, what you think…and then to make DIFFERENT choices in the next moment.
Blame is so useless and worthless – and yet, along with shame and guilt, blame runs us from the inside.
Make it your business to become aware of how blame, shame and guilt are operating inside you and making you do and say what you do and say on the outside.
And instead of blaming, shaming and guilting yourself even more for what happened, what you did and said and everything else – including how you feel – instead of trying to conquer all that…just love it as it is.
Accept how it happened. It happened. Don’t try to undo what’s been done – instead – focus on being AWARE of what happened, how you felt, what’s going on with you, and love the idea of undoing the pattern that makes things repeat themselves.
Be a detective of you. Don’t judge yourself – you can’t learn if you judge.
Free yourself up to take a new step in a different direction.
Try something new.
Love it all just because it’s the best choice to make, the most freeing choice.
If “forgiveness” needs to come first before love for you – then forgive yourself for even thinking about blaming yourself…and let go enough to take another step.
Then love what you forgave, and love yourself for even being able to take a new step!
6. Choosing “chemistry” over the “whole package.”
Every relationship coach will tell you the same thing: Love does not spring from Chemistry.
Especially if your “man picker” is off.
Chemistry can be discovered later – after you’ve gotten through your own obstacles to intimacy.
Chemistry can spring from intimacy. Trust. Opening up inside in someone’s presence.
You can love someone for reasons you’ve never even dreamed of.
I’m not saying to live your life with a man without chemistry. I’m just saying don’t make that primary, don’t choose because of it – either because there’s a lot of it or none of it at first.
Give a man a chance.
***If you’d like some more and new help from me – LIVE! – take a look at my “How To Find Love, Reconnect Love And Keep Love Forever” 4-week teleclasses on Mondays starting January 30th –
I want to help you the way I do my clients in private sessions and small group coaching – and this was a new way I came up with to do that!
You’ll learn what the class is about (oh – and for the very first time, as a bonus to the class, you’ll get me interviewing my HUSBAND about how exactly our marriage works!) – and get info about new Tools you can use.
I SO look forward to having you on the call!