by Patty Contenta
How many times have you met a man who perceives you as “just a friend” yet you’re longing for more? Especially more touch?
Men don’t seem to understand that touch and intimacy means more to a woman and so when your “friend” touches or looks at you a certain way, you’re drawn in, only to be pushed away later on.
He may not realize what he’s done but you’re left heartbroken…
If you understand body language, you are better able to sense when your male friends are just being friendly or when they are being sexual.
I wanted to share an insightful email I recently received from a reader.
She brings up some interesting questions about non-verbal communication and how it can make us wonder, or even second
guess, what we see or feel.
Question About Touch From A Reader:
I’m new to all this, and would like advice. Here’s my story. The guy I work with, he’s really a guy who likes to touch women/people, i.e. hugs, when taking something out of the hand grabbing the whole hand and not just the object, standing real close, touching people while talking, etc.
But I noticed that he would touch me more, and more often, then he would other women/people. At first I was like, ‘oh, that’s just the type of guy he is,’ but his touch would intensify. He would touch my face, and act like he was going to kiss me-literally. Our mouths were not even half an inch apart, then not. He did this three times.
I confronted him, in a kind way, and asked him about the touching, and why he was doing what he was doing. I asked him if it was something we could do, because we are two grown adults, and just can, or was there some underlying meaning to all this, that we were choosing to ignore?
Or was I crazy and assuming things? I told him that I didn’t mind the touching, that I didn’t have a “bubble.” He told me that “crazy and assuming” fit and that he sometimes pushes the touching-within-reason to the limit to see where people’s “bubbles” begin and end. He then proceeded to tone down his touching with me. I don’t get it.
We grew up together, and just this year, re-connected when we started working together. I’ve often thought of this guy as a brother-like figure, but now that we’ve been working together, and gotten to know each other better, I’m seeing him in a different light. I would run from his hugs, now I’m running to them. I’m confused!
If you could help in any way, that would be great!! But for now, I remain utterly confused!
Ahh, the magical power of touch.
It can send goose bumps and frustration up the body all at the same time. Let me start by saying that coming from the ballroom dancing world, touch is second nature to me and the power behind a touch is very evident and noticeable…and for this reason…
I Am Very Careful With My Intention When I Touch
As a teacher, I am careful about how I touch because I don’t want my students to misunderstand anything I do.
Touching someone is like a precious gift…it must be handled delicately. It is a powerful tool that must have the proper intention or else it’s meaningless…and at times can be disturbing.
As a woman, I love to be caressed.
I love those spontaneous moments when a man puts his hand on my lower back while guiding me across the street.
Or when a man offers me a chair to sit and then puts his hands on my shoulders to make sure I am comfortable. And I can go on and on…however, I know that all these gestures are moments of pleasure, that’s all.
This friend of yours obviously understands what he is doing and wants to push people’s limits…so take it for what it is…just a test.
Don’t try and read more into it than necessary. I want to congratulate you for having the courage to talk to him about it. As women, too many times we are afraid to tell a man how we feel for fear of losing him.
When communication is done from the heart and without being rude, a man should appreciate the woman that you are…honest, authentic and real.
If this man at your work is really into you…he’ll make another attempt and hopefully his touches will stand out as something different and special from how he treats everyone else. In the mean time, don’t think about him as more than just a friend.
Don’t try and decipher what he’s trying to do because, with men, it’s often no more than the action taking place…they are very much in the moment. However, if you feel the need to understand…just ask, as you did.
I know this may be difficult to hear, but it sounds like he did make it very clear as to why he does what he does…”break people’s bubble”…whatever that means. If you keep your distance, I’ll bet he may try to reconnect with you. If he doesn’t, then move on. If he does, be cool and attentive to his intention.
So cheers to you girlfriend for speaking up and expressing how you felt! There’s a guy I was seeing who touched women often too. He said he was a sensual man and enjoyed touching. I noticed he did it with everyone, all the time.
I Actually Began To Notice The Pattern In Which He Touched
After a while I became numb and at times annoyed with his touch…it didn’t feel special. Now don’t get me wrong, I talk about and encourage women to touch others and themselves in my DVD kit and how important it is to make a more lasting imprint.
Think of overindulging on good chocolate. If you have a box of chocolates and instead of eating only 1 piece per day, you eat 5 per day…after a while your taste buds will desensitize to the flavors in your mouth. In fact, you might not want to even look at chocolate for a while.
I believe you should use touch to create rapport, to make the person you are with feel more comfortable and perhaps more interested in you. It shouldn’t be used to give mixed messages. It should be used to enhance a feeling that’s already there.
Don’t you want the kind of relationship that is spontaneous, mature and real?
The bigger picture with learning these techniques is that you develop a radar. You will learn to pay attention to people’s actions and words and how congruent they are. You won’t be disappointed. Learn to experience the power of touch to it’s fullest potential–>
Take time this week to nurture the blossoming sensual woman in you…she’s ready to emerge!
From Sarah: Patty Contenta’s exotic background as a competition ballroom dancer gives her SO many secrets to share with you! She really can teach you – quickly – how the way you move affects a man, and she has very specific, very unique Tools to help you affect a man in the most POWERFUL way possible. You can get her very best, tried and true secrets for attracting, charming and seducing any man your heart desires in her free “Sensuality Secrets” newsletters and her incredible videos. Just go here to get your free newsletters and watch the videos – they’ll help you so much to lift your confidence and get everything you want in a relationship–>>