relationshipby Editor Sarah

Here’s a relationship letter from a man – and I felt so moved to reply, we decided to publish it all as a post for you:

“I can only speak for myself, but as a man who has withdrawn from several women and from the dating game and the idea of relationship entirely; the answer is pretty simple.

I don’t like jumping through hoops or walking on eggshells. I’m easy going and follow the path of least resistance. I love freedom and no amount of sex or intimacy is worth losing it.

I’ve always been honest about the fact that I’m not monogamous and consider a relationship to be temporary. Yet every time I ever had sex with someone other than my girlfriend, I was still made to feel guilty.

I simply got tired of being made to feel that way. I don’t enjoy being called a cheater when I never took any vows to begin with. Eventually I just got tired of it all.

Now things are different. I haven’t had sex in years, nor do I anticipate having sex ever again. I do get lonely as any normal human would, but that’s ok. I am able to deal with it and consider it a small price to pay in order to be free from accusations such as this.

This is just one of the many examples of why I left the game entirely and every man is unique but it is always for a reason.

And in my case (as well as the case of many other men, I suspect), it’s simply coming to terms with the realization that I simply do not naturally have the characteristics that women find appealing.

And then once realizing that, deciding to no longer pretend otherwise; because it really doesn’t matter anyway.”

Here’s My Instinctive Relationship Reply:

OMG Chaz – This is “Editor” Sarah – you sound so sad…

Though I honor your honesty and the straightforward way you’ve lived your romantic life – I so wish you’d reconsider your position.

Surely you have many qualities a woman would want – you once had girlfriends.

And, most important – relationship is about love, companionship, friendship, fun… not just sex.

I wish you’d consider talking with a counselor, or reading some of the books for men about relationship and intimacy on the web.

Most men find that – at some point in their lives – sacrificing sexual “freedom” for commitment to one woman and the intimacy that’s possible with that commitment to  is well worth the bargain.

Relationships are emotional…and women will always be emotional.

That’s what makes us so profoundly interesting and alluring and why you men need us – to supply emotion.

Sincerely, Sarah


  1. Daniel Pokorny on November 26, 2011 at 12:50 pm

    Women wonder why so many straight men turn away from relationships. Till i read this i thought i was the only guy on planet earth who turned his back completely. To be honest with you i havent been with a women for 2 years im 35 and sometimes it sucks some nights i wish i had a women in my life but thats only once in a blue moon. Then i remind myself do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who starts drama out of nothing who constantly has to be pampered because of her insecurity issues or someone who will grow to not like you and get the grass is greener on the other side mentality. i never understood the bumper sticker you see on cars sometimes happiness is being single. I understand it completely now just wish i didnt waist 8 years learning it the hard way. I used to think sex was like air you need it or you die but after 2 years i couldnt give a shit and dont even have a desire to try I LOVE MY PEACE!!!!!!

  2. hdh on January 24, 2012 at 8:36 pm

    being single is good!

  3. Foreveralone on January 29, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    I totally get were the mailer is coming from.
    Its a disaster out there, unless you’re perfect 24/7, even while asleep your’e replaced with someone new.
    Now I for once don’t regret quitting “the game” I’ve been myself which summarized is generally treating people the same way I want to be treated, in a good way.
    Now this is not enough I’ve heard and I really don’t feel I can waste more time playing mind-games with other people when I myself try to be sincere, which apparently is a turn-off, when you’re no challenge and they know were they have you, which I thought was a good thing, that they could trust me, but no I was wrong.
    So I gave up at the start of 2011 as a 22 year old man, I say I’ve had enough of this at first the thought was uncomfortable but as it grew on me it felt like a huge burden was lifted from my shoulders. I can now about a year later say I have no regrets, I’m not trying to impress anyone anymore and I feel better then I have in many many years!

  4. Phillip on February 14, 2012 at 6:26 pm

    I am a 49 year-old man who has given up. I am tall, highly educated, have a good job, am financially stable, and have traveled extensively, but am completely ignored by women. When I was younger, I believed with every fiber in my soul that I would meet someone. After over 30 years and over 10,000 rejections (no, that is not a typo), a few very forgettable blind dates and nothing even close to a real relationship, I just grew tired of the constant emotional bashing. I tried several dating sites, single travel, speed dating, dating services, personals and once even hired a professional matchmaker. Nothing ever worked. I have focused on my friends, career and seeing the world. I have accepted the fact that I may never meet a women who can show any interest in me.

  5. Sonya on March 10, 2014 at 7:05 pm

    I hear you, loud and clear, from a women’s prospective who has been lied too, cheated, and abused I can tell you I feel the same, no sooner do you give someone a chance to so nothing but humiliate and hurt you one more F…. time, so I tell you being alone beats out all the pain it caused to get a few laugh’s. I also have come to the conclusion most people just want a FWB or so they say and then they slam you in the end. I personally do not feel any amount of counseling will help cause I have done it all most people are just difficult and unless you find a loyal and trusting partner it is not worth the it.

  6. Mckey on May 6, 2014 at 9:06 pm

    Don’t give up??? TOO FREAKIN’ LATE!!!

  7. Mckey on May 13, 2014 at 8:31 pm

    Chaz: You, sir, are my f***ing HERO!!!

  8. Anonymous on October 3, 2014 at 1:58 pm

    CHAZ has no idea what he is missing…….the alimony payments. The Child Support payments. The house payments. The “my checking account is overdrawn” phone calls she’ll make to you at 3 AM. The “your son is sick, you should stay home with him” phone calls. AND THE REAL KICKER – The “even though your son is dead, you should continue paying child support on him until he would have turned 18” phone call……YES SHE ACTUALLY SAID THAT.


  9. Paul on October 8, 2014 at 8:32 pm

    im 34 now
    I was married for 4 years to the preacher’s daughter. Sex was great, our relationship was going really good, I accepted her children from her previous marriage as my own, I gave her all of my love and devotion. When the recession hit, I got laid off couldnt find a job. She held it against me. A year later, she says one day “I dont think I love you anymore” and moves to another state with her kids tagging along. A year later I find out she 29 has remarried a 55 year old rich guy.
    Now it has been 2 yrs and going, I am lonely but I just cant seem to get any dates and women just seem to pass me by. Im fit, I have moved on emotionally, I work, but all the women seem to looking for Mr. Hollywood these days.
    I have tried different dating sights, bars, and friend of friends who have lady friends. nothin
    I figure I should just not try to attract or impress anymore, I know I look decent and dress decent and have a positive personality. Maybe, I should just be content with the love I had and except a life being alone. After witnessing some the attitudes and Mr.Perfect regulations that women have, this neanderthal is better off dying out.

  10. Frank on February 7, 2015 at 8:51 pm


    Your comments made sense up until your final sentence. To say that a woman is emotional, therefore interesting and alluring is far from accurate. Also, your assumption that men need today’s women is dead wrong. We don’t.

  11. Jerald El McClane on April 3, 2015 at 2:43 pm

    “Love Is A Battlefield” – Pat Benatar

  12. Bill on September 25, 2015 at 12:49 am

    I am married now but I have given up at various times. I was not even looking when I met my wife. If you are a guy and tired of being rejected I would say this: Stop chasing women and come to the conclusion that it is highly unlikely you will get a woman. If a woman expresses an interest, definitely talk with her. By the way, Bad Boys and violent thugs don’t chase women-women chase them. Don’t waste your time chasing women. On the one in a million chance that a woman is interested she will let you know.

  13. Bill on January 19, 2016 at 8:14 pm

    Hey guys, when you give upon women you will experience a great feeling of contentment. Dating is complicated and needs to be left to the experts: Bad Boys, Thugs and jerks. Women love them and they can do no wrong. Here is something fun to do: After you give up, go to a club and be invisible (take a book for protection. You can sit there and watch guy after guy get rejected. You will glad you threw in the towel

  14. Roberto on July 17, 2017 at 2:20 am

    Emotion can be a dangerous companion. Why do men need to be derided and disrespected constantly? What fun are you referring to?

Leave a Comment