Three Things A Woman Can Do To Save Her Relationship

For those of you I’ve been working with or writing to for a while, you know that my first couple years of marriage were a bit of a disaster.

by Jen Michelle

I was one of the many women that fell into the fairy tale trap, the story that once I met my match and got married, all of my problems would just magically fade away. My husband would make me happy and we would live happily ever after.

I put so much pressure on him in those early years to make me happy, setting him up for an impossible task.

I learned the hard way that it’s my job to take care of myself, to nurture my emotional well being outside of the relationship, and to follow my own intuition instead of looking to my partner to fix my problems.

It’s hard to share sometimes the type of woman I used to be, but I’m also proud of how much has changed within me and in my life as a result of those early years.

My worst nightmare at the time became my gift, and if you’re in a situation where you feel like your relationship feels more like a nightmare than a dream, I can help you turn it around.

Three Things A Woman Can Do To Save Her Relationship

Work On Developing Your Emotional Intelligence

When a woman is able to start recognizing what she’s feeling when she’s feeling it, this alone can be transformative to a relationship.

It’s very common for a woman not to be able to identify the emotions she’s feeling in real time, and as a result she stops trusting herself to share what she’s feeling.

She’ll find herself stuffing emotions down, avoiding conflict, ignoring behaviors that she’s not okay with, and building resentment until she can no longer take it, leading to an eruption of emotion.

When a woman recognizes what she’s feeling in the moment, and then learns how to express herself without blaming, accusing, or implying, her partner is able to hear her in a way that doesn’t trigger defensiveness, criticism, or a fight-flight-freeze response.

Example:
“Why would you do that to me?”
“You’re lying!”
“You don’t care about anyone but yourself.”

Sound familiar?

When you’re in touch with your emotions on a deeper level, you can express what you’re feeling but in a way where he can actually hear you. Alternatives to the above looks like:

“I’m feeling upset. I want to understand what just happened.”

“Something is feeling off to me right now. Is there anything I need to know?”

“I’m feeling insignificant right now.”

In the second list of examples a woman is able to identify what she is feeling, and share her emotional experience.

She’s in control of herself and her emotions, creating an opportunity to build intimacy rather than shutting it down.

Stop Reacting Out Of Habit

If you’re feeling like you and your partner are always getting caught in the same patterns, it’s critical to start changing the way you show up. You can’t control what your partner does or how he chooses to handle himself, but you can take responsibility for your side of the yard.

This requires a woman to use her awareness as a tool to shift the energy exchange and shake out the stuck pattern that keeps playing out within the relationship.

If a woman chooses not to be an active participant in the negative cycle that continues to show up, then things will start to change.

If you stop taking the bait, overworking, and overcompensating within the relationship and instead commit to making yourself happy, he will start to see you in a different light.

The masculine energy partner amplifies what the feminine energy partner is feeling.

If you’re feeling angry, he will feel this undercurrent and reflect it back. If you’re feeling light and beautiful, he will reflect this back powerfully as well.

As women, we’re often not taught how to balance being the emotional realm of a relationship.

As we learn to connect to what we’re feeling first and stop reacting habitually, our relationship patterns will shift from surviving to thriving.

Set Healthy Boundaries

If you’re feeling scared of losing him, he can feel this. He can feel the undercurrent of fear and sense that you’re making choices out of fear rather than honoring and respecting yourself first.

When you start to set healthy boundaries, you learn how to take your dignity and self respect back.

You start communicating what feels okay and what doesn’t, while knowing you only have control over yourself.

There is power in communicating your truth even when you have no control over the outcome.

You will start to tap into the confidence, self love, and abundance within you.

As you start to feel this, he does too. You’re now speaking a language he understands and it’s extremely attractive.

With Love,
Jen

“As a Certified Relationship Coach with a Masters in Social Work, my passion is helping my clients figure out what’s not working in their relationship and their lives and getting them back on track. I have techniques, scripts and personal experience that you can learn from and use to turn your love life around to find and keep the man of your dreams.”

Jen Michelle’s program, “When He Walks Through The Door” applies to any stage of love, whether you’re dating, in a new relationship, or want to attract a man back!

Posted in