by Susie Collins
Have you ever said or done something and immediately knew it was the wrong thing to do for your relationship?
Something that you said or did that pushed your partner away from you instead of bringing him closer–which is the exact opposite of what you wanted?
Well that’s what I did the other day and there’s a big but simple lesson here for women everywhere…
It’s certainly no excuse but the reality is that sometimes life gets busy.
Things happen and sometimes there are things you say or do that unwittingly push your partner away (even when you don’t mean to.).
A Story from My Relationship:
Here’s what I did this week that I think a lot can be learned from about how NOT to be with someone you really care about …like your beloved…
We’ve been working on a new project and I was in high “control mode” because of the amount of work that needs to be done in a relatively short amount of time.
While I’m really proud that I can get things done pretty efficiently–there’s a down side to all of that.
Once I get “control mode” going, it’s hard for me to stop.
I’ve noticed that when I’m in “control mode,” I can steam-roller over pretty much anyone if I allow myself to do it–including my beloved, Otto.
Can you relate at all to this?
Maybe you don’t get controlling but I’m guessing that you fall into some pattern that separates you from your partner from time to time.
Many women start getting bitchy….
Or withhold S—-e—x
Or any number of reactions to stress because both women and men (in times of overwhelm or uncertainty) tend to either speed up or slow down and it’s different for everyone.
So what was it that I did that pushed Otto away from me this week?
Something he really hates.
I tried to tell him how to drive!
What a hoot.
Otto happens to be a great driver and I tried to control when he made a turn (it wasn’t fast enough for me) and what route he would take as we were going to work out.
He was immediately angry with me (he was not at his best either because of our project) and we rode in silence to our personal trainer’s gym..
Okay, so we’re not perfect at communicating ALL the time but here’s the thing…
We’re feeling close and connected now and here’s what I learned (re-learned) that I’ll share with you.
Communication in Your Relationship:
1. Good, healthy communication with your loved one is a moment by moment experience. Some moments are good and some aren’t. So don’t beat yourself up if you’re not “perfect.”
2. When you aren’t at your best and you hurt someone you love, apologize as soon as you are able and start over. Make the next moment better.
Use what we call “magic words” to admit when you are wrong. “It wasn’t my intention to hurt you and I’m sorry.”
Using these “Magic Words” in your relationship can make all the difference in the world…
3. Open to seeing your habitual pattern that takes you away from love, be aware of it and head it off at the pass.
When I feel myself in “control mode,” I know that it’s time to calm myself down, come into my heart center, and shift my attention away from outside me to inside me.
My work is to know that I can be efficient and get my work done without trying to control what’s outside me, what’s none of my business and what doesn’t need to be controlled.
I hope my experience gives you food for thought in your own life and will bring you closer to the one you love.
All my love to you,
From Sarah: Susie and Otto have the relationship, the marriage, and the professional track record to help you get the love you want and deserve using WORDS! We love their book “Magic Relationship Words” – and know it will help you tremendously to communicate your wants and needs -and even what upsets you – with a man in a way that will change the relationship for the better. Just go here to learn how you can create magic in your love life with “Magic Relationship Words”–>>