loveby Dominique

Have you ever found yourself in a panic, distressed because your love, your beloved has withdrawn, or things feel strained between you?

Part of you feels sure that it’s all over or at least coming to an end, and another part of you wonders if you’ve made it all up, so you feel SO confused?

I remember feeling this clearly, convinced that at any moment my man would abandon me if I said or did the “wrong” thing (old fears hard at work here), so any little shift in his energy would send me into a tailspin of terror.

Love Is All About Feelings – And ALL Feelings Are Good

They just feel differently to us. As they go up and down though I prefer to call them “ebbs and flows.”

Love can feel so tenuous sometimes though, especially if you are unaccustomed to feeling it, especially in the beginning of your relationship, and especially when you are working on new ways of being within yourself and with your man.

When things feel good or at least better as you peel back unwanted layers and gain some clarity, your mind inevitably swells with worry, doesn’t it?

You can just feel that other shoe about to drop. Isn’t that what always happens? So you start to feel bad.

When you feel bad, maybe because of an especially difficult part of processing, it’s SO hard not to fret, not to dwell on HIM. What is he thinking? What is he doing? What is he feeling? Does he love me?

As You Grow Within And In Love, Try Embracing ALL That Is

ALL of it makes you who you are, a rich, full, vibrant, alive, beautiful being.

All the good feeling feelings, the bad feeling feelings, and the in between feeling feelings. Within yourself and him, within the world and the entire universe.

When things feel great:

  1. Cherish these moments; store them deeply in your memories.
  2. Try extending the good feeling feelings for as long as you can.
  3. When your little gremlin voices start to talk to you, turn away from them. Or stick them in a corner with their cookies.

When things feel bad:

  1. Remember with all you have how it felt to feel good, those memories I asked you to keep close. They will help you through the bad feeling spells.
  2. Know that feeling bad is not a bad thing. It’s a part of you and life; it helps you treasure the good feeling times all the more;
  3. Know that as it always has before, this too shall pass.
  4. The joy you will feel following a bad feeling feelings release is beyond words, awesome, blissful.

The more times you’ve been through this, the less fear will be aroused, for you’ve been there before. You KNOW the murky waters will clear because you now own this wisdom, and this alone will help ease your pain.

And happily those times will become fewer and farther between.

Conversely the good feeling times will increase in frequency, intensity, and duration. Now isn’t that a nice thing to dwell on?

I wish this for you, and I know you can claim it for yourself. From as far down as I’ve risen, if I can do it, anyone can.

Feel good in knowing that love has its ebbs and flows.

With love, Dominique

From Sarah: Dominique is the real deal. You can get her amazing advice, read about her story that will give you so much hope for your own love life, and get her free “Get His Affection And Attention Back” report right here->

1 Comment

  1. Punky on January 30, 2011 at 8:31 am

    You wrote that the joy you feel after bad feelings is made blissful because of the ebb and flow nature of relationships; and I agree. But what if you haven’t had joy?

    I really understand the importance of treasuring the good times, even if they are few and far between. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost eight years and it’s those special times together that keep me going despite all that we’ve had to endure: multiple surgeries, disabilities, unemployment; not being able to have a family (I’m now 38 and he is 40 and we desperately want to have a child together, but can’t due to finances, lack of stability, etc.); homelessness; etc. We keep wondering when circumstances will allow us to do more with our relationship than just struggle.

    When I think of the good times, they are so far in the past that thinking about them makes me resentful and sad. We’ve been through so much and I feel I have made many efforts to have positive, meaningful time together. A few months ago, I found enough money to take him on a romantic getaway and it did wonders. Since then, my boyfriend hasn’t taken me anywhere, despite the fact that I cry because I’m stuck in a house in the country all day looking for work via the ‘Net with no means of getting out. Since getting a new job, he has, for the most part, stopped making efforts. He works til 10 pm and so I see him only a bit at night and on weekends (when he gets up at 12-1pm). I’ve talked, cried, pleaded with him, but something always comes up (he’s tired, he’s sick) and the conversation always turns to his needs to rest, feel well, stay sane. I feel like my needs aren’t a priority. I feel like I have to put my needs on hold because, if not, I may harm him and any chance of us getting better. Lately, I’ve tried being more affectionate, but a hug or kiss lasts only a few seconds. For my X-mas gift, he gave me the ski day I’ve longed for, but it still hasn’t happened.

    He says that things will get better once I have a job, as if it all had to do with my being unemployed. No matter how much I explain to him that much of my sadness stems from the fact that he doesn’t do anything with me anymore, it usually comes back to “circumstances”. We used to get through tough times by camping, fishing, hiking; but now it seems I’m too much of an effort. I’m on my own.

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