by Carol Allen
Has it gotten so that you are so independent that you don’t need even the “right man” at all? Do you feel like men aren’t supportive or helpful in your life? Then you may be one of the “Five Archetypes Of Single Women” and may be astrologically “wired” to unknowingly put men off, and this could be part of why they’re not as helpful as you like…
This can be seen in your chart – but being one of the FIVE archetypes of single women doesn’t DOOM you to staying chronically single – but NOT KNOWING about it and therefore continuing to do the same old things the same old way CAN and often DOES keep you from connecting to the right man…
Do you ever ask yourself, “What the heck has happened to men?”
You know, does it seem like everything you once expected them to do, you’re now doing for yourself?
Or even FOR THEM?
Stuff like paying all the bills, making all the plans, making all the big decisions, putting out all literal and figurative fires?
Do men seem like they are doing their part, or even (dare I say it?) needed anymore?
If you could, would you just prefer to live without them, creating your own “Wonder Woman Island,” – a MAN-FREE society?
And wouldn’t that just be easier, and truthfully a RELIEF?
Well, if you’ve ever thought these things, you’re not alone.
If you once dreamed of marrying “Dear Old Dad” but instead have found that you’ve BECOME Dear Old Dad, there IS a way to reverse this and re-inspire the man or men in your life to want to participate more and actually DO for you.
But it isn’t going to happen without you becoming conscious of how you’re perhaps encouraging them to sit back and let YOU do everything.
That’s right, in the work I do as an astrologer and relationship coach, I see this phenomenon all the time, so perhaps it’s happening to you. Without even realizing it, your actions and what you are saying to a man are all telling him that you WANT to do the lion’s share.
As a result, a man actually will think that if he just stays out of the way and lets you run the universe without interfering (i.e., HELPING) you’ll be happy.
And the good news is men WANT to make you happy. It’s not that they are lazy (though some are…).
You’re telling him to let you handle it all. Really.
So, why shouldn’t he put his feet up and watch the game?
If this is happening to you, if men seem to become helpless and incompetent in your very presence, unable to make a decision or anything happen without you getting the ball rolling or carrying it all the way down the field, there are either one of two things happening.
Do you want to know what those two things are?
Are you sure?
Okay, but buckle up because this is gonna be tough but LIFE CHANGING.
Once you know about these two things, you can have remarkably more of what you want with men, and they will feel better with you – even though they’ll now do more work.
Seriously. Stick with me on this. This will forever change the way you interact with men. Here goes…
The Two Reasons You’re Not Connecting with the Right Man
You’re more naturally energetically masculine than the man you are with or the men you attract. This can be seen astrologically, by the way. (I’ll explain in a minute.)
You are COMPENSATING for your fear of being vulnerable or possibly HURT, by trying to be SUPER WOMAN (you know, Wonder Woman’s cousin). You falsely believe that a man will appreciate you MORE for being such a capable, selfless marvel. (Get it? Marvel? But I digress…)
But have you noticed he doesn’t seem to appreciate you more the more you knock yourself out for him? Why is that? (You know I’m gonna tell you…)
All that SUPER WOMAN behavior is a cover for a little secret you don’t want the world to know – You need to be in control, even if it means having to take on more than you can reasonably handle.
It’s possible there’s a third reason – you may be doing a combination of BOTH reasons #1 and #2, which means you’d better read this several times, print it out and tape it to your forehead for constant review.
Let’s explore the reasons. What do I mean by masculine?
If you are a masculine woman, it has nothing to do with what you look like. That’s why I called it “energetically masculine.”
You can wear frilly clothing and pink nail polish and still be energetically masculine. You can be four foot eleven inches tall and weigh ninety pounds.
When a woman is ENERGETICALLY masculine, it means her behavior and true nature is to be associated with more male qualities than female ones.
Male qualities are things like being proactive, analytical, positive, and independent.
Female qualities are things like being passive, deeply emotional, more negative or cautious, and dependent or interdependent on others more than independent.
Amazingly, just like many languages have designated certain nouns as being either masculine or feminine, in astrology the signs of the zodiac and all of the planets and the Sun and Moon have been deemed either masculine or feminine (okay, two are considered gender neutral… and we can all think of a few people like that!).
You can tell from a person’s astrology chart if it’s more their “wiring” to be masculine or feminine, no matter their anatomical gender, by looking to see if the majority of their planets fall in masculine or feminine signs at the time of their birth, and if masculine or feminine planets are taking center stage in their chart.
Astrology aside, in modern times, both men and women are rewarded for having male qualities. Being bold, speaking your mind, going for “the gusto,” standing on your own two feet, making things happen – these are the behaviors that get us great grades in school and fantastic jobs and salaries in our professional lives.
But imagine, if you had a “bad feeling” at a board meeting, or started to cry in the middle of a test, or didn’t necessarily get much accomplished in a day yet knew how to make everyone around you feel heard and seen and loved… sadly, that wouldn’t get you far in our world, now would it?
My point is, you are trained and rewarded these days to be MASCULINE, no matter your gender, and you’re held back or undervalued by being feminine.
You’re told all day long, year after year after year, all through school and your working life that it’s BETTER to be masculine than feminine.
So what happens when you meet a nice man you like, maybe even the right man?
– You try to impress him with your informed opinions.
– You suppress your intuition or sensitive feelings.
– You emphasize your accomplishments and wave around your money.
– You speak up if you think you have the better idea than he does, dismissing his.
He may initially think this is “spunky” and “stimulating,” but after a while you’ll be telling him by everything you do and say, that you have the better idea, you can take care of things, you don’t need anyone, and he can’t contribute in any significant way.
In fact, since you’re so used to doing everything for yourself, you’ll fight him on his suggestions or opinions, you’ll handle all of your affairs and errands, and you’ll never ask for his help, even resisting when he tries to do anything for you.
I know what you’re thinking at this point… You’re thinking, “But Carol, I always ask for his help. He never helps!”
But think about it – are you ASKING or are you telling him what to do? There’s a BIG difference. Are you asking in a way that he can HEAR and be MOTIVATED BY or are you making it his obligation?
I’ll tell you how to ask in a way that he’ll actually like in a minute… Pretty soon, he’ll get the message that you’ve got everything handled. He’ll start to feel like his thoughts on things aren’t appreciated or worse, even heard.
You’ll constantly show him that you’re in control and in charge, so he’ll feel unimportant to you – or worse – BELOW YOU, which will make him feel badly about himself around you.
He’ll lose all inspiration to be your hero, instead feeling like you don’t need him and he’s not valued, so why should he bother making any effort at all?
And then, on top of being the “better man” than him, you’ll feel disappointed by his lack of effort, so you’ll add a whopping dose of resentment and annoyance towards him to all of your interactions, GUARANTEEING that he’ll stay out of your way and not want to do anything for you… EVER.
Do you see the cycle?
You push him away, he shuts down, you get frustrated that he’s shut down, he feels worse than ever in the face of your disappointment shutting him down more, making you feel that you REALLY have to do everything all by yourself and be ULTRA-SUPER WOMAN, so you push him even further away and bury yourself in your work and burdens, and pretty soon you can’t figure out how you could have ever found him attractive at all.
So you throw him out with yesterday’s news and pick another poor unsuspecting fellow and start the cycle all over again.
Whew. I don’t know about you but I need a nap just thinking about it.
But I can’t leave you hanging here, so I’ll try to explain what to do to reverse this like I promised, if any of this is ringing true for you.
What Will Your Right Man Be Like?
Here’s the thing. If you’re a naturally, truly masculine woman then you’ll naturally attract YOUR COMPLIMENT – a naturally, energetically FEMININE man.
A feminine man is not a “girly” man. He’s what is often referred to as a nurturer, a sweetie pie, a “gentle man.”
Feminine men have lovely qualities – they are deep and sensitive and emotional. They will respect you and champion your accomplishments and be your companion.
But they are not ALPHA males – they are not “going for the gusto” and making things happen.
They will not slay your dragons, but they’ll give you a glorious homecoming when you return from doing so YOURSELF.
Nurturing men are undervalued in our culture. You have been trained to not appreciate the gifts these men bring, wrongly thinking you have to be with a man who is more powerful and successful than you.
If you’re with a man who is a nurturer, you will waste your time trying to CHANGE him, trying to make him more MANLY and independent, like YOU! Which only accomplishes one thing, it makes him even LESS manly, even more emotional and sensitive and LESS likely to become SUPERMAN.
So STOP. Appreciate him for what he does provide. See the good in who he truly is. Acknowledge his support and care, his heart and his kindness.
Thank him for being the special, giving soul that he is. Quit waiting for him to be like YOU. You don’t need another you. You’ve got you covered.
Now, if you’re NOT a naturally, truly masculine woman, but you still can’t seem to find a man to be MAN ENOUGH for you, then it could be that you’re not inspiring them, and that you’re actually encouraging their more feminine qualities.
It could also be that masculine men scare you so you purposely avoid them… but that’s one for another article.
I’m not saying it’s your fault, I’m just trying to let you in on some good news – they can be inspired and you can be a source of
Here’s how. There’s a way to get more SUPPORT and VALOR from ALL the men in your life and it’s quite easy.
When you want something from them, tell them, and then show them you mean it and that you need them for it.
But tell them without telling them what to do. Instead, tell them how, and by doing what you want, they get to be your HERO. They get to WIN. Theyget to be A BIG STUD – a great guy!
All you have to say are eight little words before your request… Instead of saying, “Could you do this for me…” Or, “Did you WANT to do this for me…” (of course he doesn’t want to!) Or, “I NEED you to do this…” all openers which only make him feel like a child in your eyes and not like your hero at all!
These are the eight words that will CHANGE YOUR LIFE.
Before every request start by saying, “You know what would make me really happy…?” and THEN ask him to take out the trash or clean up after the dog, or take you to Hawaii or pursue whatever course of action you desire.
You’ll be amazed. He’ll hear those eight little, simple words and you know what he’ll hear?
Instead of “You know what would make me really happy…” he’ll hear, “You know what would make you A BIG WINNER?” or “You know what would make you KING OF THE WORLD?”
You don’t have to use these EXACT words – you can make up your own variation. Things along the lines of, “You know what I’d love…” or “You know what would just be awesome…” or, their favorite, “You know what would make me feel like slipping into something a little more comfortable… (WINK, WINK…)”
Now, before you get all annoyed and shoot me an email to tell me how manipulative this is, think about something for a minute…
We’re all manipulating each other all the time – for good and bad. By taking care of everything yourself or correcting whatever he does, you’re manipulating him to stop trying to please you.
You may as well do what works!
As for the “showing him you mean it” part of the deal…
Once you tell him what would make you happy, you actually have to SIT BACK and give him the chance to.
If you’ve been doing everything for a long time now, he may be used to that. He may take a while to understand that you’re waiting for him. He may be on autopilot, and running on the assumption that you’re still going to run the show.
So give it a little time.
That means if you said, “It would make me so happy if you took out the trash,” then you’d better not take it out yourself! Even if it starts piling up and taking over the kitchen – don’t take out the trash!
And once he takes out the trash (or walks the dog, or cleans the garage, or makes dinner reservations – whatever it was you said you wanted), you have to BE HAPPY about it! That’s the currency you promised the man, so you’d better be ready to pay.
You can’t do this stuff halfway – you can’t say, “Here’s what would make me happy,” and then beat him to it, not giving him the chance to fulfill your desire.
Most of all, once he does it you’d better do a little HAPPY DANCE to make him feel glad he did.
The next thing you know, he’ll do it again next time. If you do your happy dance again, he’ll do it yet again. Pretty soon he’ll be doing things without you even mentioning them.
But you have to sit back – that’s the hard part. You have to TRUST he can do it. You have to be PATIENT. You have to give him the chance to rise to the level you wish.
And there’s more… You have to let go of having it done EXACTLY the way you want. He won’t do it YOUR way. But he’ll do it HIS way.
And it will be done without you having had to lift a finger.
Wouldn’t that be nice?
And then an even more amazing thing will happen – you’ll start going around smiling and saying, “I’m so glad there are men in the world. Isn’t it great to live in a world FULL of wonderful, helpful, powerful MEN?!”
All the women in your life will think you’ve really become WONDER WOMAN, as in, “I WONDER how she gets such great treatment from men all the time… ”
You’ll have mastered THE SECRET and every man you know will be as manly and as VALIANT as they can possibly be just by you making them feel good.
Not only will they NOT MIND doing for you, they’ll grow to LOVE YOU MORE for it.
So relax. SIT BACK. Let go of the reins already.
These ways work even in relationships that have been fraught with tension and resentment for decades.
These principles are every bit as comforting and helpful to women as a personal reading is. And they’re already affecting all of us all the time, whether we believe in astrology or not.
I have spent my entire adult life learning them and it is sincerely my privilege and great joy to share them with you.
Now, sometimes you’ll be in a “role reversal” relationship and it WON’T be because of what you’re doing or saying to a man.
Sometimes your compatibility is such that YOU will naturally be THE LEADER between you, even if you’re more feminine than he is. This is very challenging. When you’re “the leader” with a man, it’s hard for you to feel loved.
Over time you feel like you’re the one doing all the initiating and planning with your man. You begin to think that you’re more bonded to him than he is to you… and so you become insecure with him.
This tends to make him pull back even further and do even LESS, causing the vicious cycle to ramp up even further and become even WORSE. Amazingly, this can be seen in the stars. This is one of the FIVE core steps revealed in the compatibility report called, “The Right Man Report.”
It’s called “Respect,” because if this is “off” between you and your man, you both won’t feel respected by the other, and ultimately you both won’t feel loved in the way that you need.
May God and his planets and stars shower you with love,
From Sarah: We LOVE Carol here – because her “Right Man Report” is so totally amazing and so completely helpful! It helped me absolutely understand what’s going on between my man and me, and it made me feel SO much better. Not only does Carol lay out the dynamics of what’s going on with you and ANY man – she tells you exactly what to DO about it. Just go here to get her free newsletters and check out her Right Man Report->