The Path Back to Connection – Focus On Feelings Over Facts

by Jeffrey Levine

When a conversation is going downhill, the key to getting back is to address your partner’s feelings – even if you think they don’t have the facts straight.

The facts have to take a back seat to their feelings – even if you don’t understand why they’re feeling the way they are.

And we all struggle with that. We think things like “they must feel this way because they have their facts wrong”… or “We can fix this easily if you’ll just understand what I’m trying to explain to you.”

It doesn’t work like that.
Feelings come from a very primal place. If you continue to focus on “them understanding you” instead of you showing empathy for what they’re going through – it’s going to be a very long night.

And though this can be especially challenging when we’re emotionally triggered, these skills can be learned and improved with practice.

Empathy for each other’s feelings is the way back to connection.

Jeffrey Levine is a couples coach and trained mediator (and Rori Raye’s husband) who works with both men and women to improve their communication, deepen their connection and remove the blocks that keep them from feeling and expressing love. He is the author of “How To Talk To A Man”, which contains invaluable advice, tools and solutions to help you avoid common relationship pitfalls, and clean things up when they go south. “Every moment presents a new choice for you: a decision about what you want – and what you believe you deserve.”

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