A “Resolution” seems like something I’d write down for myself to do – or TELL myself to do – that I just DON’T WANT to do.
Like never eating chocolate. Or walking a certain distance or exercising a certain way every day.
The moment my brain hears that “have to” attached to the “resolution” I can FEEL it grating in my mind.
I feel ANNOYED.
And yet, there are so many things I want for myself that I want to find some way to mark them down and get them for myself.
Does this sound familiar to you?
So, what is it YOU want?
If you’re like I was when my relationships weren’t going the way I wanted them to, what you want more than anything is to love, to be loved, and live in “Happy Ever After” forever.
You’ve made “Resolutions” and plans, and suffered and tried to make things happen.
After years of trial-and-error, I finally DID get what I wanted – Happy Ever After. And so can you.
And I’d like to get it for you so much FASTER than the years it took me.
So, if “Resolutions” don’t feel right – what would work better?
One of my favorite words, the one that gets me into an easy, receiving, and yet active and just plain good-feeling place is the word “Intend.”
If I “Intend” to do something or have something, the feeling of it is more than a wish, and yet not a real “have to.”
It just means, if I so CHOOSE, I can do that thing or have that thing.
And the nasty voice in my head stays much quieter when I “Intend” instead of “Resolve.”
New Year’s Eve, about 3 months before my husband proposed, was not a happy time for me.
In fact, at the stroke of midnight, dressed up in party clothes and hoping for a lifelong commitment to come out of my then “live-in boyfriend’s” mouth, what I got from him instead was the “I’m not ready” speech.
Instead of “I love you” and let’s get married, I got “I’m not ready.”
I remember being devastated, furious, and half- crazy with confusion.
All I could think was “What do I do now?” Hardly a great time for a resolution.
What I “resolved” at that moment was “To get him to commit to me,” and all that did was push him further away for about a month.
When I finally realized that what I was doing to bring this man – a man I’d been SO SURE of – closer to me and closer to wanting to commit to me, I tried something different.
Instead of “resolving” anything, I just told myself that I’d be OKAY. No matter what.
I see now that I’d “set an Intention” to be “Okay.”
It wasn’t a huge statement to make to myself, but it was all I could manage.
And it was enough to get me started in the right direction.
It got me to Intend to DO some things for MYSELF that would help me be – not just Okay – but sensational, terrific, thrilled, happy, and married.
So, let’s try this new Tool for New Year’s:
THE FUTURE LETTER
Instead of “Resolving” to get your relationship on track and do what it takes to get him across the finish line or to find that special, perfect man who’s right for you, let’s make it as if it’s really, already happened!
Let’s write a Future Letter to ourselves.
Get out a piece of paper, or on your computer’s fine.
Date this letter one year from now – New Year’s Day 2021.
You’ll be writing this letter to yourself (or write to ME if you’d like – I’ll read it and hold the space for you to have this fabulous year you’re going to write about)…so you’ll start with “Dear (your name) or Dear Rori…
Now, think of exactly what you want for yourself in this next year, and exactly how it’s going to go – EVERYTHING you want.
Write about money – write EXACTLY how much money you want coming in every month, where that money will be coming from, and EXACTLY how you’re going to spend it.
Don’t be stingy with your imagination here – make it a LOT of money, but something your brain will see as DO-ABLE, not just a fantasy.
Make it a high salary for someone with your kind of job, and make it a job in an environment you enjoy…
Make it up so it feels GOOD.
And then write about all the LOVE, ROMANCE AND RELATIONSHIP you want to experience in 2020.
And let’s set another rule here for that – let’s make it about the BIG PICTURE.
Instead of making it about the boyfriend you have who’s causing you pain now, or the man you have a crush on who isn’t paying you enough attention now, or your husband who’s going through some hard times and making your life unhappy now – let’s make it about what would feel GOOD.
How does that look for you?
Make it about a man with a movie star face – not a specific man, but imagine how it is he holds you – how he touches you, what his face looks like when he smiles at you.
Imagine getting attention and love without WORKING for it.
Imagine getting great sex AND friendship – all together instead of just one or the other.
Imagine feeling respected and loved, and imagine feeling SECURE and COMMITTED.
And as you’re imagining all this, now comes the IMPORTANT PART:
I want you to imagine that this has ALREADY HAPPENED!
You’ve dated the letter a year from now, so I want you to write about all this great stuff as if you’re looking BACK at how it happened and how it felt while it was happening, and how it feels NOW to have EXACTLY what you want.
Write about other things, too.
Write about the FUN you had – perhaps you went on a vacation with your wonderful man.
Perhaps you got a financial bonus from work, or your business took off and got so much more successful, or you got the job you always wanted.
Perhaps your self-esteem took a huge leap and you can see how your confidence has been building over this year you’re writing about.
Perhaps a phenomenal man just dropped from the sky, knew you were the one for him right away, and it’s been heaven-on-earth ever since.
Perhaps you were surprised, out-of-the-blue, by a proposal for the totally committed relationship you’ve always wanted.
Perhaps all health issues have cleared up, all depression’s gone, and you can look back over this year and hear your own self LAUGHING.
I’m going to write my own letter today, and paste it on my office wall to remind me every moment that this is the life I EXPECT to have in the coming year – because this is the way it has – in my letter – ALREADY HAPPENED.
I’m going to write about YOU, and how you’ve had an incredible year, and how you’ve found a magnificent, committed relationship so fast, and how amazing it feels to me to know I’ve helped you in some way, and that we’ve been able to talk, you and I, through your emails and my eletters and programs.
This might sound like a fantasy exercise, but the truth is – our brains don’t know the difference.
If we tell ourselves that something is true – and especially if we WRITE it down – our minds believe it just as if it IS true.
That’s how we all mow down our self-esteem by telling ourselves icky things about ourselves.
Our minds believe the icky thoughts, and then our confidence goes down the tubes, and then those things we only TOLD ourselves were true start to LOOK true in our lives.
If we tell ourselves we don’t deserve any more love and commitment than we’re getting right now – we tend to attract and be attracted to men who WON’T be giving us the love and commitment we want and actually DO deserve.
If we tell ourselves we don’t deserve any more love and commitment than we’re getting right now – we tend to push away any love our man DOES want to give us, and then everything in the relationship gets worse.
And why do we all tend to do this? To sell ourselves short and undermine our own success?
Because we’ve been TAUGHT to do life this way. We’ve been told things like “Don’t get your hopes up.”
And we’ve been told that having dreams and believing they’ll come true is “stuck up,” and being “conceited,” and that we need to “get over ourselves.”
We’ve been told we’re “lucky” to have a man. That good man are “few,” and that good relationships are “hard.”
We’ve been taught to have low expectations so that we don’t disappoint ourselves. Even when we catch ourselves imagining that something will turn out great – we stop ourselves.
As if believing in ourselves and that we can have EXACTLY what we want in life and in our relationship isn’t the right way to think.
And all that is just WRONG. The TRUTH is just the opposite.
The more you believe in yourself, the greater your chances for having what you want.
We all know how awful it feels when we have high hopes for something that doesn’t work out.
Like when we REALLY like that man we went out with and can practically see ourselves in our wedding dress, and then he never calls again.
When these things happen, we sometimes blame not only ourselves for not sewing up the man – but we blame even the DESIRE for those things.
As if it was the WANTING of those things that made it all go bad.
And that’s NOT what happened.
What helps make things go bad is the “vibe” we create around our wanting of that thing – and when that vibe starts to feel like desperation and need – like “I have to have that man or I’ll die,” or “If he doesn’t call again, I’ll be destroyed,” THAT’S how we can sabotage ourselves.
So, what the man who’s been dating you for days, or weeks, or months or years “gets” from you can be either your HIGH opinion of yourself, along with your DESIRE for the part or for a relationship, or your LOW opinion of yourself, along with your NEED for the part or for HIM.
And which one do you think is most likely to get you what you want?
So with this Future Letter, you’re telling yourself that:
Not only is it OKAY to dream BIG and want what you want, but that dreaming BIG is the WAY to GET what you want.
So tell it all.
Make it like a script to a movie about your year that you’ve ALREADY SEEN.
Make your movie a triumph of personal power and confidence.
On the day you date this letter – January 1st 2021 – make it so it’s all already happened.
Look back on 2020 and see all the steps you took to make it happen, all the Rori Raye Tools you used and how they worked for you like magic.
See yourself HAPPY every step of the way.
I’ll be writing my Future Letter tonight, and would love to read yours, too.
Remember to make it GOOD! And remember to write it as though it’s all already happened, just the way you want it.
Love to you, and the next time we talk, we’ll both be living in this great, new, beautifully imagined and ALREADY SUCCESSFUL new year.
From Erin at LoveRomanceRelationship: Most of you know, Rori Raye is an expert in the relationship field. She’s helped thousands of women, through her books, programs, coaching and teaching. Please check out Siren Mom <–here!