As you are probably aware, the lips are quite sensitive, and have many nerve receptors for transmitting messages to the brain, more so than most other areas of the body, including other erogenous zones.
Kissing causes positive emotional & neuro-chemical effects
One of the things I do is to teach USC students some basic brain physiology and I am aware that the brain and the rest of the body are in constant interplay with each other. Nerve impulses from the lips reach numerous areas of the brain, causing a variety of emotional and neurochemical effects.
For example, the levels of the neurotransmitters- dopamine and norepinephrine (both associated with levels of vitality) go up when being kissed. Oxytocin, which is a hormone that stimulates bonding behavior, increases in the body when kissing. I know that I myself fell in love with the woman who is now my wife after our first kiss (wow could she kiss)!
Yet, many of my clients tell me in my office how they have stopped kissing and stopped being kissed by their partner. Yes, they may get the perfunctory quick kiss on the lips when going out the door to work, but that is it. Kissing has even dropped out of the foreplay behavior for some couples.
Passionate kissing is intimate
Kissing creates instant intensity between two people; the kind of intensity that give a feeling of psychological wellbeing as well as the positive physical reactions stated in my first paragraph. Kissing your long-term partner on the lips could potentially create the powerful arousing and close feeling that you had when you were courting. Many couples move from kissing on the lips too fast to other sexual behaviors.
Here is some advice-
KISS LONGER AND MORE!
And of course you can kiss her (or him) all over her body; nice slow and gentle kisses on the abdomen, on the back of the neck, slowly up the legs to the inner thighs, etc. I have not met a female client yet who would turn down that partner behavior.
Of course then, there is using your tongue. There are many ways to use your tongue in both lip-to-lip kissing as well as kissing other areas of the body. It can be very exciting to twirl your tongue around her tongue. You can explore your tongue around her mouth, suck and lick. You can use your tongue all over your partner’s body. Each person has different preferences and I always say that we need to ask what our partner would like (yes communication improves sex too) and then adjust to meet our partner’s preferences.
Back when we were courting, we slowed down together; we took the time to really enjoy each other. I have had several new couples this past week that make no time to slow down together. No wonder there is very little passionate kissing. You need to make a decision- the decision to slow down together and elongate kissing and other forms of affectionate and loving touch.
Start a new kissing habit
If you are a member of a couple that has gotten out of the habit of sensual kissing, just break through and start a new kissing habit with your lover. I would not necessarily wait to resolve every problem. If there is a major block, then of course, get some help. But, know that you are more than your problems and you do not have to wait to start kissing your lover. Or you might rather ask your partner to initiate some kissing if you tend to be the initiator.
However you do it, think like this: Kissing is pleasurable and does something good for the soul. It draws you closer to your mate and is a very meaningful activity because of that.
So raise that oxytocin, norepinephrine and dopamine without drugs!
Good lifestyle choices minimize the need for drugs since we have the capacity to uplift our energy in natural ways. So eat well, exercise, sleep enough, practice some yoga or meditation and now add one more thing to the list.
Kiss and be kissed passionately by your partner!
Here’s to getting the love you want!
Todd Creager is an accomplished Speaker, Therapist, Consultant and Author. At his website: The Todd Creager Center for Successful Relationships, you can find out more about how to have a successful relationship. You can check out his book here!