Snail mail letters have been considered the height of romantic communication for a long time, so why is there often doubt about the power of electronic communication, such as chatting involved in online dating?
I, myself, had many doubts about online dating. How could a computer system possibly help me to find love, much less meet my soul mate? I raised a skeptical eyebrow at all the advertisements claiming high success rates. But I have to admit now, my head’s been turned and I’ve found, from observation and experience, that online dating brings all the same kinds of fun and love into life that conventional dating does – from fleeting heart-fluttering crushes to the real McCoy.
In many ways, online dating is a surer approach. There’s always the fear that someone is falsely representing himself. But I’ve found that those cases are usually easy to see through early on, before any hearts get broken. Plus, don’t forget that people misrepresent themselves all the time in the real world as well.
Online dating is incredibly effective. Even if you fight it, you’ll soon find yourself looking forward to those little text messages or smiling through instant message conversations. In many ways, this new approach to dating is reinstating that old romantic idea of two hearts connecting through the minds.
It’s an approach based on finding chemistry through character, thought and personality – a chemistry that leads to physical chemistry much more often than physical chemistry leads to a real gel between personalities.
Now, the tough question, you say, is after all those initial stages of emailing or connecting through MySpace or Facebook, how can you actually tell what the other person is feeling? Is it real love or temporary affection?
Well, Like Ordinary Dating, Online Dating Gives You Clues
And you’ve got to keep an honest, critical eye on yourself and your partner to see if you’re both approaching this relationship with honesty, respect and good communication.
In some ways, it’s easier to analyze your own approach, but we’re all pretty good at fooling ourselves too. You need to make sure you’re being truly open and honest with the other person and not finding ways to misrepresent yourself even in small, seemingly meaningless ways.
The temptation to do this happens all the time. We’re all dying to please and to be liked. And sometimes we find ourselves saying surprising things in order to live up to what we think the other person will like. Trying to paint a rosy picture of yourself only adds stress and tension to a relationship. You’ll find it much easier to fall in love and to be loved if you’re true to yourself.
To read his honesty level, you need to pay full attention to what he tells you about himself. If there seem to be contradictions, ask him about them – NOT in an inquisition kind of way, you don’t want your default to become mistrust.
Just be honest and say you’re confused about such-and-such, because he said “blah” earlier and they don’t seem to go together. If he gets overly defensive or avoids the subject, then you might have a problem. But, a lot of the time, you’ll find there’s a very reasonable answer.
Respect is the next valuable ingredient, in both online dating and conventional. Be sure he respects your opinions and beliefs and time. And respect his in turn.
This doesn’t mean you can’t tease or make fun of each other, but do it lightly, and only in ways you know won’t hurt the other person. If he does hurt you accidentally, let him know. Not in a weepy, upset or angry way, just calmly let him know that this or that he said made you uncomfortable. He can’t respect your boundaries, if he doesn’t know where they are.
Respect each other’s time. Don’t try to grab his every free moment for a chat, or fill his inbox with texts. But, at the same time, if you agreed to chat at a certain time and he doesn’t show, don’t dismiss it as nothing. He needs to have a good reason for not respecting the time you set aside for him.
Just Like In Regular Dating, Creating Respect And Honesty Requires Good Communication
This is the real key to all lasting and happy relationships. If you’ve found someone with whom you can communicate openly and you feel you’re understood and you understand him, you’ve found something truly special.
Remember, because most people in the online dating community are looking for that meaningful connection, your chances of finding it are all the better!
From Sarah: As more and more people enter the online dating pool, it’s really important to get info and advice like this out there. This is just an intro to all the great ideas about how to approach online dating. If you want to learn more, check out our “Attract the Hell Out of Him – Crack The Secret Code Of Online Dating” ebook – it’s completely devoted to teaching you, step-by-step, how to get the best results from online dating->