Yesterday, I had a really interesting conversation with someone in my neighborhood.
Natalie’s 47. She looks great for her age. She has a thriving business. She’s been married since she was a teenager. She has three kids, and only one of them is still at home.
On the surface, Natalie looks like she’s one of those rare women who had it all figured out at a young age. Scratch an inch beneath and she’s a deeply sad woman.
Turns out her husband – a man that I like a lot personally – is not much of a husband.
- He doesn’t listen to Natalie about her feelings.
- He prefers to spend his Sundays playing softball, hiking alone, or watching sports.
- He doesn’t like when she leaves him alone on Sundays.
- He deletes Natalie’s favorite shows on TiVo when he needs room for his shows.
- He doesn’t like doing things that she likes doing and makes no effort to compromise.
- He has a temper and yells at her when he’s frustrated with their relationship.
This guy is warm, friendly, bright, attractive, and a good provider to his family.
Natalie acknowledges all of this and even lauds him as an amazing father.
He just happens to be bad husband.
Since I wasn’t contracted to give any advice, I just sat back and listened.
But I’ll tell you what I was thinking:
If Natalie leaves her husband, she will find love again. She will find a man who is a communicator, a man who listens, a man who puts her needs first.
No doubt about it.
As for her husband, he will find love again, too. Unfortunately, his second wife will have the exact same experience as Natalie.
This is the best news you’re going to hear about men all year.
You can finally rest easy:
NOBODY ends up happy with that selfish guy who broke your heart!
You didn’t blow it.
Your ex is just going to bring his unique brand of selfishness to another woman who is not you.
Just be glad he’s HER problem now, not yours.
This is important stuff – especially if you blame yourself for the behaviors of selfish and emotionally unavailable men.
Literally the ONLY thing to do when you’re with one of these guys is to DUMP him and find a guy who gives you what you need.
Rest assured that you will soon find that man – and whoever finds your ex will get the same bucket of disappointment that you’ve already swallowed.
All of this makes me think of my client, Ali, who finally kicked her bad boy habit in her 30’s after 12 weeks of working with me.
Here’s what she wrote to me shortly after she completed her coaching:
“I promised you I would write you to keep you updated on what’s going on with Jeremy and I. What can I say…I’m in love. When I think about all the time I wasted on guys who were unavailable and or treated me badly it makes me wish I had called you sooner. An ex-boyfriend and I were having dinner recently and he just asked me “Have you ever dated a guy who was nice to you? Have you ever dated someone who treated you well?”
Up until I started working with you…the answer was a big fat NO. I’ve often thought about what you’ve said regarding chemistry vs. compatibility and passion vs. stability.
It’s true I’ve spent so much time chasing things like passion that it never occurred to me that it wasn’t really sustainable. Sure it needs to be present, but not to the degree that Hollywood could base another Reese Witherspoon movie on it.
My sister said to me that she learned early on “that the spark has never been good for me [her].” I think it’s true for everyone. Once I stopped chasing a feeling I couldn’t ever hold on to anyway, I found the real thing. I’ve never really had something this real or felt this safe with someone before and I just want to say thank you.
I can’t be too upset about things with the crazy ex not working out because frankly they brought me to where I am now. It was you who set me on the right path. I don’t know where things are going to go but I’m happy and in love with a great guy.
So my only question is…if and when, how do you feel about officiating a wedding?” Ali
I didn’t end up officiating Ali’s wedding, but she did get married and later, became a mother. I’m incredibly happy for her.
Ali is just like you – with one major difference:
She listened to my advice, and took it to heart – particularly two lessons from my book “Believe in Love – 7 Steps to Letting Go of Your Past, Embracing the Present, and Dating with Confidence.”
The first being that it’s better to be single, than to be dissatisfied.
The second lesson being how to spot the signs it’s time to get out a negative relationship.
If you’re sick of wasting years of valuable time and emotional energy on men who will just let you down, it doesn’t have to be this way. The choice is yours.
Click here to see how you can let go of the past and create an exciting new romantic future.
Evan Marc Katz is a dating coach who specializes in helping smart, strong, successful women understand and connect with men. He has over 24 million blog readers, over 150,000 newsletter subscribers, and thousands of satisfied clients who find his take on relationships to be enlightening, entertaining and empowering. It wasn’t until Katz took his own wisdom that he met his future wife – and became a much better dating coach in the process. By opening up to a new kind of partner, Katz proved that to get different results in love, you have to make different choices. “I had to make fifteen years of dating mistakes before I finally figured out how to have a happy relationship. I believe firmly that the road to success is paved with failure, and since I’d failed so prolifically and ultimately found my own way, I feel uniquely qualified to help others have success in love.”