christian-carter-wideby Christian Carter

MISTAKE #1: Betting Your Love Life On His Potential

Do you know any women who want the man they’re dating to behave differently?

Of course you do. And just like me, I’m sure you have friends who date guys who don’t have much going for them or who don’t treat them very well.

Somehow these women always have an excuse for the guy’s shortcomings. What’s going on here?

It’s actually very simple. Women (and men) don’t base their choices of men on how nice or good someone is to them day-to-day.

Women choose the men they do because they feel a powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for them.

And guess what?

Some women will continue to put up with a guy that doesn’t treat them very well. Sometimes for months or years…

But why in the world would a woman do that!?

Well, to put it simply, they confuse the strong attraction they feel for the guy with a deeper connection .

Women who do this are doomed to end up in failed relationships with the wrong guys.

How do I know? Because I’ve seen it at least a hundred times.
And because I’ve been this guy in the past myself.

Thinking back on past dating and relationships I’ve had, I was selfish and didn’t offer much.

I’m amazed the women put up with me. But they did…all the while hoping that I would somehow change. The women I dated hoped I’d change.

The only thing they saw in me that led them to want to keep me around was the potential they saw in me to share my feelings and communicate with them.

The potential for something better and the potential for me to change and be a better lover, boyfriend, companion or whatever…

The truth was, I was hopelessly bad at these things at the time.

And more importantly, I wasn’t even at a place in my life where I knew how to or was interested in developing a deep and committed relationship – with ANYONE.

But deep down these women believed that if they tried hard enough, that it would make up for what was lacking.

In the to doe a lot of logical sense…

But until you accept that lots of women do this AND that YOU could be doing it on some level, you’ll NEVER have the success with men that you choose and want.

 
MISTAKE #2: Assuming You “Get” Men & Their Psychology

Men are different from women. You need to accept this fact, and deal with it.

When a woman sees a man, she can very quickly pick apart certain things about his style, body language, status and character that will tell her all kinds of things about him.

Lot’s of women don’t even consciously see that they do this because the process is so obvious and simple for them.

But does the same apply for men?

As you probably already know, men are generally more visual. As a result, they often don’t understand non-verbal communication as well as women. And men often lack what women have in emotional awareness and “intuition.”

Women don’t seem to remember this about men.

So do men feel sexually attracted to women based just on looks? Or is something else going on?

Well, after studying this topic for years now, and talking to thousands of men and women, I can tell you that men have their “attraction mechanisms” triggered by things OTHER than looks.

Especially when it comes to longer term relationships. Looks just happen to be the most obvious way…

But looks are NOT the most powerful.

If you know how to use your body language AND communication correctly, you can make men feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see that hot, great looking guy that you got to know.

But it’s not an accident. You have to LEARN how to do this. And ANY woman can learn how…

MISTAKE #3: Pretending To Be Something For A Man

In the desire to please a man, women are constantly doing things to get a man’s attention, to get him to like them or to make him more attracted or in love with them.

Another HORRIBLE idea.

Lots of women mistakenly think that doing unusual things to try and get a guys attention will make him magically see what a great catch they are and want to be with them.

Wrong.

Men YOU TRULY WANT are never attracted to the types of women who kiss up to them, make weak plays for affection or complain to get what they want… EVER.

Don’t get me wrong here. Things like being sexy for a man or encouraging him to share his feelings can be good, but it has to be genuine, unselfish, and most of all timely.

You don’t have to act like an easy woman for men to like you, and you certainly don’t have to play like he’s some gift to the Earth.

Doing these things actually works to subtly, at an subconscious level, lower your social status with a man, which has EVERYTHING to do with how he sees you as a woman.

So if you think that making him more attracted to you means playing to the man’s fantasies from the start, think again.

You’ll never succeed by looking for a man’s approval, finding your way into his heart through sex and not being yourself.

 

MISTAKE #4: Sharing How You Feel Too Early With Him

Another huge and unfortunate mistake that most women make with men is sharing how they feel too early on. Listen…

Attractive, single, successful men are rare. They get a LOT of attention from women.

Most women don’t realize this, but attractive men are being approached in one way or another all the time by women. And guess what?

Attractive men have usually dated a lot of women. That’s right. They have EXPERIENCE. They know what to expect.

And one thing that turns an attractive men off and sends him running away faster than just about anything…

It’s a woman who starts saying You know, I really, REALLY like you after one or two dates.

This signals to the man that you’re just like one of those clingy stereotype women who want to rush into a relationship and can’t control yourself from wanting a man to fulfill them and complete their lives.

This does NOT spell ATTRACTION for a man. Don’t do it. Lean back. Relax. There’s a much better way…

 

MISTAKE #5: Misreading The Important Signals That Men Send

Men are constantly communicating how they feel about a woman and giving away big secrets about themselves.

Most women don’t pay attention to these signals or recognize them for what they really are.

The signals men send have 4 main levels:

  1. Social: Where the man is at in his own life – stability, confidence, direction
  2. Emotional: Whether or not he’s emotionally available
  3. Physical: If he’s attracted to you… and for what reasons
  4. Love State: If he’s open to building and growing a relationship in the future

The funny thing is that men send signals in these areas completely on accident. That’s great news to women…

Men can’t help it! You need to learn to recognize these signals to get anywhere serious with a man.

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7 Comments

  1. Matthe on September 3, 2008 at 6:19 pm

    I’d like to start by saying that yes, I am a guy. By no means a typical guy, (or an especially manly one at that XD ), but I’m a guy nonetheless. So believe me when I say that this article has done a better job to explain what a guy feels than any other article I’ve ever read in this genre.

    So all I have to say is bravo…

    And for anyone wondering… I just kinda came here by accident, I’m don’t usually do this.



  2. Editor on September 4, 2008 at 9:58 am

    Matthe, thanks for the comment – it’s so helpful to have you as a man tell us women the truth about things we’ve gotten wrong for so long (it’s just the way we’ve been taught – from our families, TV, the movies, the culture…), and for letting me know we’re getting the content right on this site so we keep featuring the most powerful writers with the most value. Hope you’ll check back. Sarah



  3. analine dayaday on July 25, 2011 at 3:08 am

    thanks it really help me some tips to mens mind



  4. rachel on August 7, 2011 at 4:52 am

    very interesting and thought provoking!



  5. jrw on September 5, 2011 at 3:14 pm

    So many fragmented thoughts and sentences. This is a horribly written article. Sorry Christian.



  6. rkl on September 14, 2011 at 1:22 am

    Doesn’t this article kind of go against mistake #3 since the ways we interpret, think, or act is all apart of who we are. It seems like there are tons of books and articles on how women cheat themselves out of relationships with few books or articles on how men cheat women or how men misinterpret us. A theory is that it’s because men don’t want to try or that their to stubborn to try (no offense to the nice guys) but I guess my point is why the emphasis on it being the girls fault men run.



  7. Jc on December 29, 2011 at 1:27 pm

    This article was extremely helpful it made me understand men More and know what to exspect from them. Thanks this has really helped me a lot and I know my future relationships will be successful because of the tips you have given me in this article.



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