by Carol Allen
It may surprise you to learn that the main reason couples become unhappy and pull apart, isn’t anything you’ve heard.
It’s not because of addictions…Or cheating… Or evil in-laws…
It’s not due money differences…And it’s not because of children.
Amazingly, it’s none of these things.
What is it, then?
Simple. It’s when no one is right, and no one is wrong – but each person is too attached to their point of view. In other words, they see things differently – and both people think the way they see things is the correct way to see them, but the way their partner sees them is anything but…
Ever go through that?
I’m guessing you have! But it’s a shame, because it doesn’t have to be this way.
You can avoid this problem, and create so much goodwill and understanding with a man that he’s much more able to see your point of view, and appreciate it. (‘Cause you’re right, right? Of COURSE you are! :))
Most of us are running around with ideas of how relationships are “supposed” to go. And we just assume that EVERYONE knows these unspoken “rules” we know. And that, if you’re in a relationship with a partner that doesn’t “do” what he or she is “supposed” to according to these rules, then they must not really love you…
Let me give you an example.
I have a client in a fairly new relationship. One of the “unspoken” relationship rules her boyfriend lives by, is that they only spend their weekends with each other. His thinking is that since they’re serious, she should only want to spend her free time on Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays with HIM.
That means, if a girlfriend wants to go with her to the movies, or a work colleague invites her to dinner to discuss a project, she should put her boyfriend first and say NO. There’s just one little problem…
He didn’t tell her about this rule.
He just got really bummed out and shut down if she didn’t follow it. He went from being loving, fun, supportive, and seemingly crazy about her, to barely talking to her when she’d come back from an event with anyone else. She was utterly mystified. She had no idea why he was mad at her. She started to think he was a nut job…
Pretty soon she figured it out. And they talked about it.
Now, clearly he was attaching a meaning to things that wasn’t true for her. He was thinking that if she passed up precious time she could’ve spent with him, that it must mean she didn’t really love him. He was also assuming that since he didn’t do the same thing – make plans with other people on the weekends – it was because he was more into their relationship than she was.
Yikes. (My husband would tell a guy like this to go put on a sundress – but hey, men have feelings, too! :))
Now, to be fair, it was a new relationship. We’re all a bit insecure and “tweaky” when things are new, and we don’t know for sure where things are headed. He’d obviously been hurt before. But he wasn’t communicating in a way that was good for their connection. He was disconnecting from her, and making her feel like a bad person, and not even telling her why. And it was a shame, because it wasn’t how she saw things at all.
It was a classic case of “no one is wrong and no one is right…” that ends up breaking couples apart.
She felt that spending time with other people on the weekends had nothing to do with whether or not she was good to him, or in love with him. She just has other people in her life that matter to her, too, and she’s a social person.
So, they talked it over and he calmed down. She reassured him that he is her first priority, and that she doesn’t attach the same meaning to what was going on that he did. She started letting him know way ahead of time when she had other plans on weekends. And she tried to get together with her friends mostly during the week, so that it wouldn’t be an issue at all.
Not because she was being codependent, but because she loved their time together on the weekends, too.
He came to see how silly he was being, and started giving her the freedom she needed to enjoy other friendships. And they are now very happy.
Luckily for them, they were able to get past this problem. Sadly, many couples never do, and needlessly break up. Of course – this could all be seen in the stars!
My client has the Moon in the sign of Gemini, in the friendliest of all the twenty-seven constellations.
Gemini is a VERY social sign, and LOVES the idea and feeling of freedom.
The quickest way to lose a person like this is to “box them in” and keep them from their friends.
Her boyfriend has the Moon in the sign of Taurus, the natural sign of possessions. Because of this, the “shadow” side of Taurus is possessiveness. His constellation is considered one of the most romantic and relationship-oriented. So he’d gladly have no one else in his life BUT his beloved. (And we all THINK we want a guy like that, but it can be complicated…)
So – this wasn’t just a communication problem. This was also a reflection of their different natures. So I wasn’t surprised at all that this was a difference between them.
You see, every relationship is really TWO relationships – the one you’re having, and the one he’s having. And the biggest thing that affects how you see a relationship is your FILTER.
And this can be seen by your inborn emotional nature.
The twenty-seven constellations (signs WITHIN the twelve signs of the zodiac) are the most revealing thing in all of astrology in terms of how you – and he – are in relationships. You can find out if a man is likely to be:
– laid back
– and more…
If this is the way he’s “wired” to be, it has NOTHING to do with you but it will have a BIG impact on you! Knowing all of this will allow you to understand him in a way that will draw him closer, help you to stop taking his behavior so personally, and let you both be more fully who you are.
So, I’ll be teaching you ways to discover all this, in my newsletters and compatibility programs. And my God and his planets and stars shower you with love!
From Sarah: Carol has great help for you – and not just about Astrology – she’s a fabulous relationship coach with a huge following and so many success stories – her letters and reports are amazing –Go right here to get her free newsletters->