All I had ever known was keeping things to myself, for fear of revealing the real me was terrifying. I was sure my man would be turned off if he knew my secrets. But I began to feel increasingly like an impostor. And this didn’t feel good at all.
Secrets between Couples Are BAD.
They can be destructive, even a seemingly innocent thing.
I’m not saying you need to tell your partner every little thing.
- Your man’s past “sexcapades”? He doesn’t want to hear about yours either. What’s past is just that, PASSED. UNLESS it has a direct bearing on the present.
- Don’t ask questions unless you are truly prepared for the answer. Whatever it was may have been true then, but it’s not now. He may have behaved like that then but would not now.
The knowledge of a past you regret having asked about can cling to you, and it can color your behaviors and reactions with your man.
You don’t want this, for this would not be the right here, right NOW. It would in essence be a LIE.
There is nothing which is innately bad, even if secrets come out under less than ideal circumstances, as long as the revelation leads to personal growth and a deepening of the bond between you.
Yet this could be shaky ground on which to walk. It could very well cause someone to walk. It could be a deal breaker. BUT…
- There can be “secrets” where someone truly is ignorant to the fact that what they have been keeping to themselves is something other than innocuous because that’s all it has meant to them.
- It’s also possible that they know somewhere inside that this is something that ought to revealed but either deny this, or they are embarrassed, possibly afraid, afraid of judgment which really means rejection and/or abandonment, or afraid of hurting you.
- A person is usually aware though if he/she has been keeping something from the other that could potentially cause confusion, doubt, or pain. Sooner or later the secrets will emerge and sometimes to devastating effect.
Please, if anything at all weighs on your mind, even if part of you feels it’s really just a nothing, the part of you that feels otherwise will end up taking precedent in your psyche and resident in your energy field. The conflict within will be felt in some way. It may also cause you to withdraw and withhold in other ways.
Don’t Wait for Serious Secrets to Just Come Out
Please don’t wait for whatever it is to come out in ways out of your control. You and your relationship might never recover. The trust you thought you had between you will be called into question. Re-establishing trust is difficult at best.
Secrets are like deception – not a good base for a strong and intimate relationship.
It’s important for each of us to feel we have a place inside us where we can keep thoughts and feelings that don’t have to be shared. And yet, it’s sharing those secret places inside us that deepen our emotional bonds with our man.
It can feel terrible when we find ourselves always questioning what we should and shouldn’t be telling our man. We feel guilty and foolish about some of our thoughts or things we did or said, and so we “sit” on things that would SO improve our relationship if we shared them – and which can damage our relationship if we don’t.
We end up stuffing things down that would be better let out into the open – and then wonder why we’re no longer close to our man.
So next time you’re tempted to keep something to yourself about how you’re feeling, or what happened to you today that feels foolish or makes you angry – ESPECIALLY if it’s something that happened between the two of you – consider sharing it with your man.
See if what you want to instinctively keep secret can actually deepen your man’s love for you. Try it and see…start with the smallest things that you’re just a bit shy to expose…and then work your way up to more and more truth-telling.
It’s amazing what can happen when you don’t keep secrets.
From the Editors: Dominique is the real deal when it comes to learning how to reveal your secrets in a way that will increase his desire for you instead of push him away. She will help you open up to a man emotionally so that HE will open up to YOU. Go here to learn about how her Sex and Heart book can help you quickly to open the secrets of your heart and get closer to your man.