by Adam Khoo
“He made me angry.”
“My divorce is really depressing me”.
“My kids are driving me crazy.”
“My unappreciative boss is driving me to a nervous breakdown”.
The statements above have one thing in common; blaming others and not taking responsibility for one’s state
As long as blame is cast outside ourselves, our states will be out of our control. Most people allow their emotions to run their lives which results in them feeling powerlessness and helplessness.
If you are upset, you are choosing to be upset. If you are excited, you are choosing to be excited. Remember, no one can affect how you feel unless you allow them to. The moment you realize this, you can choose to feel differently.
For example, if you get fired unfairly, you can choose to feel depressed and wallow in self-pity. You can also choose to be all fired up making a success of yourself, letting your ex company regret their decision in firing you!
In fact, some of the greatest companies in the world were built by men who were motivated to get back at their ex-companies for firing them.
The most famous example is what Lee Iacocca did when Henry Ford 11 fired him (a personality clash). He simply left and joined a rival motor company (Chrysler), turned that ailing company into a direct rival and competitor of Ford.
Another example is the actions that Ivana Trump took when real estate magnet Donald Trump dumped her for a younger woman. Instead of drowning her ‘loss’ with alcohol, anti depressants and wrecking her health, she made herself more glamorous – publicly announcing to other wronged wives, “Don’t get mad, get even!” and eventually proceeded to wrestle a mega settlement from him.
A point to take note of, taking absolute responsibility for whatever happens does not mean blaming oneself. Taking responsibility and blaming yourself is totally different. Some people blame themselves for everything – and that is not a useful pattern.
By blaming yourself, you beat yourself up only to find yourself feeling helpless and depressed. “It’s my fault that I’m so stupid, I really screwed up again.”
This is not what taking responsibility is all about. Taking responsibility means acknowledging the fact that the choices you made in the past have contributed to your present situation.
Instead of feeling bad, place yourself in a state of possibility by putting the choice back in your own hands.
The key elements that drive our actions and results are the emotional states we experience. When we feel excited and motivated, we are more likely to take action that will lead to great results. But when we are upset and depressed, we rarely make good decisions or do anything productive
Successful individuals choose to feel empowered and positive even in the most dire of circumstances. This is how they feel constantly motivated to improve their situation.
People who are in control of their lives believe they create their world. If everything is going great, then they created it, not anyone else. If things are not going well, then they created it as well. From this moment onwards, start taking responsibility for your feelings and results.
To Your Success,