jealousyby Susie and Otto Collins

If you’ve ever suffered a break up because of your jealousy or even worried about your relationship ending because you can’t seem to control yourself…

You’re not alone.

We hear from people ever day who either worry that their relationship is ending because of their bouts with jealousy or their relationship has ended and they don’t know what to do.

What we know for sure is that:

Jealousy Doesn’t Have To Be The Reason That Relationships Die

…and you can take action so it doesn’t happen to you again.

Here’s a question from one of our readers and our answer to her and to anyone faced with this kind of challenge…


“Susie and Otto, For the last month I have been receiving and reading the newsletters on jealousy and it has really taught me a lot so far.

I have a few questions though–My boyfriend and I broke up yesterday after a 3 year relationship. I feel as though it was all my fault because I couldn’t control my jealousy, my insecurities and overall the exhaustion our relationship had come to.

He says he needs to find out who he is. I read the newsletter that you send out today and it really helped me realize that maybe this is the right thing to do for now. I just am searching for advice. In your opinion, do you think it is completely over if the only thing tearing the relationship down was that we didn’t know ourselves?”

Our Answer:

Anytime a break up happens, it’s very upsetting and it’s especially upsetting when you think the break up could have been prevented if jealousy wasn’t part of the picture.

Here’s the thing…

This is your wake up call to heal your jealousy and start feeling better about yourself.

We can’t emphasize this enough that whether the two of you get back together–or not…

Take this as a sign to that it’s time to take some action steps to heal jealousy once and for all.

Your question is an interesting one…

“Do you think it is completely over if the only thing tearing the relationship down was that we didn’t know ourselves?”

Here’s our take on why your boyfriend feels like he needs to find out who he is. Keep in mind that we don’t know for sure but when someone says this kind of thing, here’s what he might mean…

It means that he has tried to act in ways to keep you from being jealous and has not acted from the heart of who he is necessarily.

That doesn’t mean that he wants to cheat or do things to hurt you.

It just means that:

Your Jealousy Has Set The “Rules In Your Relationship…

… and he has tried to keep the peace by acting within those rules. But it hasn’t been enough–and he doesn’t know who he is anymore.

We’re guessing that you don’t know who you are without the jealousy either.

So take this opportunity to find out who you are and start healing yourself–and give him time to find out who he is.

Do we think it’s completely over?

Of course we can’t say–that will depend on your love for each other, your desire to be together and the extent that you both can heal so you can create a healthier relationship.

Our best, Susie and Otto Collins

Susie and Otto are the only husband-and-wife team we know of dealing EXCLUSIVELY with the problem of jealousy – and their success rate in saving relationships from jealousy is tremendous.¬† If you’re enduring the pain of jealousy, whatever the cause, go check out their great ebook and stop the damage from happening right now – get help for jealousy and your relationship here->

1 Comment

  1. Daniel on June 20, 2011 at 8:27 am

    I am glad I read this! With 50+++% attempts at matting for life failing then pocessive jealousy might seem rational. Jealousy is a fear of loss. Loss and risk of loss seems real. I think the sentiment that you can’t expect to be loved until you love yourself is valid. As is how can a relationship predicated on fear rather than hope be sustainable. The smoother loving of “every woman killing the thing she loves too much” could indeed explain the desperate lunge of the other for a breath of air and identity!

    Generally, jealousy does seem to be dangerously self-fulfilling as well! You end the relationship to escape the pain of jealousy which is the fear that your relationship will end -circular argument or what!

    At an abstract level there are other takes on it!

    A religious one might be the only thing I can choose to do is to gift in my commitment to my relationships to the best of my ability at the time, much as we do at Christmas. Christmas should not be made or broken by the gifts the good lord gives us in return.

    The “sex at Dawn” (Google it) of Ryan and Jeth√°, take is different again in that it is only since the advent of agriculture and trade that we have treated our relationships to each other as economic objects that we can assumed controlling property rights over. The only notion of property pre-agriculture was communal not private in their model!

    No one “world view” has got it right and never will as things change, but some are better.

    I think it would do you a load of good to read around as well as experiment with life and go out of the comfortzone of your world view to consider other points of view and thus getting a broader healthier balanced view to life and love.

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