So, The Fight’s Over. Now What Do You Say?

When the fight is over, it’s an awkward time. Lots of things were said and lots of feelings expressed and it can be tough to figure out how to come back together.

by Jeffrey Levine

But reconnection, after disconnection, as soon as possible, should be the goal.

I recommend starting with “Checking In.” Say something like, “How are we doing? Are we ok?”

This method hopefully takes you out of the fight mentality, and shifts the conversation to the health of the relationship – and what you need in order to get back on track.

Maybe include something like, “Wow, that was tough. I’m glad that’s over.”

On occasion, it will be obvious that the fight isn’t really over. That one, or both of you are committed to whatever your position is -and you have to do some more work to make sure you’re both heard AND understood by each other.

Next, I suggest “making a request.”

This involves checking in with yourself about what you need, and what would feel good in this moment – it might be something like “Can we hug?” or “Can we go for a walk together?” or “Can we make dinner together?” Some simple action that can help you and your partner take the first step to repair, after a rupture.

You’re reaching out with a request, and giving your partner a chance to reach back.

It’s tough to reconnect after a fight. Often, both partners feel bad – things were said that you wish you could take back – and very strong emotions were expressed.

AND someone needs to take the first step.

Jeffrey Levine is a corporate coach and trained mediator (and Rori Raye’s husband) who works with both men and women to improve their communication, deepen their connection and remove the blocks that keep them from feeling and expressing love. He is the author of “How To Talk To A Man”, which contains invaluable advice, tools and solutions to help you avoid common relationship pitfalls, and clean things up when they go south. “Every moment presents a new choice for you: a decision about what you want – and what you believe you deserve.

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