by Michael Fiore
I wanted to take a minute to answer TWO questions about romance that I’ve had sitting in my inbox.
A asks . . .
Thank you so much for your program, I’m really excited about it! I haven’t taken action yet with the material, but in the beginning of the program you said something that really struck a chord with me and I wanted to ask for your advice.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year and a half, and I have been very critical of him almost the whole time – of big things and little things.
I want to change this behavior. What can I say or do to show him that I’m sorry for being this way, that I really do love him for who he is and that I will not be so critical anymore?
And how do I do this so that he still knows that many of the things I complained about before are still important to me?
Thank you so much for your time.”
How Anna Can Rebuild Trust and Romance:
Thanks so much for your question. And thanks even more for realizing how devastating to a guy constant criticism can actually be.
Personally, I used to have a horrible pattern of dating women who would be insanely critical of me and would tear me down all the time. I can only blame my own self loathing at the time for putting up with it.
If you want to be in a relationship with somebody, you need to focus on what you love and admire about them (not what drives you NUTS.)
That said, here’s my advice:
Step 1: Take “criticism diets.”
Set a time frame (A night. A week, whatever.) where you don’t allow yourself to be critical. If you slip up, you need to have some kind of repercussion (my favorite is making folks write a check to their least favorite political candidate.)
Step 2: Start sending your guy “Appreciation Texts” from Text The Romance Back
You should frame your AT’s by saying “I don’t say this nearly enough but . . .”
If he’s used to getting constantly criticized by you, it’s going to take some time for him to “trust” the messages that you send him.
Step 3: Use “Digital Foreplay” and other techniques to build up to an “appreciation night” for your guy.
Seduce the crap out of him. Make it a night of romance he’ll remember.
Remember, it’s not really your job as a partner in a relationship to criticize your partner or force them to change.
People really don’t change. The traits you love about your partner are also going to be the traits you hate about them.
And in my experience (and having helped a lot of folks with this) the best way to get your partner to “fix” things you aren’t happy about is to use a carrot, not a stick.
Is Romance Still Possible for This Relationship:
“I’m in a difficult situation with a man I’ve been with for 8 years.
We’ve lived together for 6 of those years and I’m actively looking for an apartment right now due to how bad things have become.
He cheats on me compulsively, doesn’t care about my feelings, and has even been violent towards me.
I know that sounds really bad and most would advise me to get the hell out and never look back, but there was a time (and still are times) when he’s damn near worshipped me.
I have a lot invested in this relationship, and am still not entirely prepared to cut my losses and just move on. Could your program help in a situation as desperate as mine?”
Here’s my answer:
Seriously. It breaks my heart when I get this kind of message (and I get similar ones from both women and men.)
Honestly, I wouldn’t want my program to “help” in a situation like yours because this guy is a scumbag and you deserve much, much better.
The cheating alone shows that he doesn’t respect you and won’t give you the relationship you want, but the violence is (in my opinion) a castratable offense.
I know you’ve got a lot invested, but your life is precious and short. You deserve much, much better. Please seek help and get out while you can.
For an incredible assortment of full texting scripts and great romantic texting ideas to try with a man, you’ll really want to check Michael out (I immediately downloaded Text The Romance Back and loved it so much – that’s why I’m recommending it here…) Go here to discover how you can nearly instantly create way more romance->