by Ryan Eliason
Creating success in business and life takes time and energy. If you don’t have enough time and energy to focus on the things that matter the most to you, you probably have weak boundaries. Most of my clients, colleagues, and friends seem to struggle with not having enough time. There can be many reasons for this, however, it is my assumption that weak boundaries are usually part of the problem.
Do you have a hard time saying no? Do you feel like your time is being wasted or that you’re being taken advantage of? What are you tolerating? What are you doing because you feel like you have to?
Weak boundaries are inherited from your parents. They were your role models, so if they had weak boundaries, you learned that it was normal and healthy to say yes when you really wanted to say no. You may have learned that saying no was selfish, even narcissistic. If your parents didn’t honor your boundaries, if they pushed past your “no”, then you learned that you didn’t deserve to have boundaries.
Saying no trips a lot of people up, but it is a learnable skill. Being able to say no is the bedrock of healthy boundaries. It is very important to be able to easily say no when someone, either intentionally or not, is trying to take advantage of you or is wasting your time.
The consequence of not setting boundaries when you should is frequently much greater than you realize. Whenever you say yes to something, you are inadvertently saying no to many other things. For example, let’s say a friend asks you to drive them to the airport, and you say yes out of habit or a sense of obligation. The airport is two hours away so this will take four hours out of your day. That is four hours that you could have been marketing your business, writing your book, getting a massage, servicing a client, closing a sale, or making love. By saying yes to your friend, you were automatically saying no to all of these things.
Think of all the new and wonderful things you could begin saying “yes” to if you just allowed yourself to say “no” more often.
Imagine that you volunteer with a local non-profit. You used to be passionate about what they did, but your interests have changed, and now the 5 hours per week that you spend volunteering for them feels like an obligation. You’re no longer enjoying yourself or feeling satisfied by your sense of contribution, but you keep doing it because you feel like you should. By saying no, you could begin saying yes to your current interests. You would be saying yes to your authentic self, your values, your passions, and living the best life you can. Perhaps you would find a new volunteer opportunity that is more engaging and heartfelt for you; or perhaps you would finally find time to begin working on a different goal that you’ve been procrastinating on.
And, the number one best reason to say no more often … drum roll please … is so that you have more time and energy for manifesting your dreams!
Exercise – Saying No
1. Get out your favorite writing instrument and make a list of anything and everything that you are tolerating in your life – anything that may not be aligned with your deeper values.
2. Now go back over the list and decide which things you will begin saying “no” to.
3. Make plans to have any necessary conversations to create closure or renegotiate previous agreements.
4. Now, for the next week, make a rock-solid commitment to say “no” to absolutely everything that does not serve you or your highest good. This last step is a chance to build your “no muscle”. This is not selfish. Your “highest good” might include being of service to others.
From Sarah: Ryan is the real deal. He’s an incredible coach. You can find him here -> RyanEliason.com, and from there you can email him or actually call him by phone…
Here’s his bio:
Ryan Eliason has been a professional, full-time Life and Business Coach since 2003, successfully supporting hundreds of clients to produce extraordinary results in their businesses and personal lives. An entrepreneur since a young age, Ryan has founded several successful businesses and a non-profit. He developed his unique ShortCutsapproach through 15 years of business consulting, designing and leading workshops, and working with both coaching and therapy clients. He received his formal training with the renowned Coaches Training Institute in San Rafael, California. He is also a certified Master Hypnotist, massage therapist, polarity therapist, and Transformational Therapist through the Heartwood Institute.