Today on LoveRomanceRelationship.com we are very fortunate to be talking with our good friend Rori Raye, and we’ll be doing a detailed review of Rori’s ideas and products.
Now, while we may know a lot about Rori, a lot of our readers may not, so we persuaded her to sit with us and have a conversation about how she actually got started with being a relationship guru, giving advice on relationships and how some of her products came about… Hey Rori.
Rori: Hi Steve.
Steve: Let’s jump right in because I know there are probably lots of people out there that know plenty about you, but I would also imagine there are many who don’t. How did you get started in the area of relationship advice?
Rori: That’s a great question. Long ago, it feels like, my husband (who’s an executive coach) insisted that I was a “natural” coach. So I went to coaching school…it took about a year and a half to get all the way through the program and then I started becoming a life coach.
In the process of beginning a coaching practice I realized what I really was meant to do was coach women in relationships – because of my own personal story of how my love life had been such a disaster almost my whole life. How I managed to pull myself together enough to meet my husband and “get” him to marry me.
The fairytale came true – and then I almost destroyed my marriage doing the same things that I had done the rest of my life. My story was about how I worked my way out of that very quickly.
I and my clients discovered that I was able to help women one-on-one in coaching calls to actually do what I had done, and quickly.
So I started creating workshops, and in the workshops I created paperwork for them…and then that grew into a book, which was my first product – my book Have the Relationship You Want that really lays out the five keys to a great relationship.
It explains the whole masculine/feminine process and it really begins my most foundational Tools: Feeling Messages, Overfunctioning, the Four Rules…and that got it started. Before I knew it I had met you who is a genius, incomparable genius, who had helped my husband with his websites…and now you began to help me on my website as CoachRori and that’s how we got started. The rest, as they say, is history.
The business just grew and grew and grew and I realized that I needed to go more in detail from the foundation of the book and so I created programs around a sort of seven step process that I realized every woman was going through who went through my system, my Rori Raye system.
Steve: I remember those days. It was kind of crazy times I must admit.
Steve: If I remember rightly, when you released your eBook, it really did seem to take on a life of its own. I know you’d done the workshops and all that kind of stuff before, so you really knew the people not only needed this stuff, but really resonated with it and the eBook really took off.
What I’m hearing you say is that once people were getting into the eBook and then emailing back to you and talking with you, that there were some other pieces that people needed – kind of more in depth stuff.
Rori: That’s it. In depth. Essentially, what I do that is, I feel, different from everything else out there – is I’m about the “How-To.”
I create these tools that are five second, 10 second tools you can do any time you need them. You can do them throughout the day. They’re transformative, but fun and quick and easy and I give them all names and they make sense.
For example – the whole process of us women instinctively needing to control men.
That’s a big concept, and I’m able to break that down into images that mean something…into physical expressions like: Imagining clenching your hands and then imagine you’re holding onto a man’s shirt and what that feels like and what that might feel like to him.
These are really quick ways to feel in your body what the word “control” means, and “surrender” is simply letting go – like letting go of his shirt in the image of holding onto his shirt…sometimes just letting go with two fingers.
I break down very large, seemingly difficult and challenging concepts and transformational concepts into tiny little do-able “Tools” – and the Tools just kept coming to me while I was coaching women. They just kept showing up – new one after new one – and I started to see the main situational places where women needed to use them.
It’s not just: “Have the relationship you want.” It’s also “How do I get him to commit? I’m in a relationship with a man, how do I get him to commit?” So I created my Commitment Blueprint program, in which I really explain how a man’s Relationship Timeline is so completely different from ours, a woman’s timeline.
Your Timeline, Steve, is different from mine. How the process of dating feels different to a man – how we women tend to call it “relationship” way too quickly – and yet how men tend to demand some kind of exclusivity from women way too quickly, and I really create a whole visual of how this works and the concept I call Bridging.
How you’re going across your “Bridge” to your Happy Ever After and how – every step of the way – how to get yourself there, and how to get with a man who will lead you there. And then all kinds of Tools along the way.
Commitment Blueprint is a long, amazing program, which I broke into seven steps of a process. And those seven steps turned out to be very powerful, so I’ve created more programs that go into depth in each one of those steps. That’s how it kind of works.
In Commitment Blueprint I break it down to Step One as intellectually understanding the dynamic between you and a man. I call this the Energy Bubble. Then there are all kinds of tools around that – like one of my most well-known ones: Leaning Back. How the dynamic works between you and a man. How if you “Lean Forward,” a man leans back. If you “Lean Back,” a man leans forward – and how that works in an energetic kind of intellectual sense.
Then Step Two starts with what you have to stop doing. What you need to undo. All the things that you’ve been doing that are not working.
Then Step Three I call The Invitation, which is What do you do instead of all the things you’re doing that don’t work – and The Invitation became a program called Modern Siren.
Then Step Four is about managing your emotions – because once you stop doing things that you’ve been doing your whole life, patterns that are not working for you – you’re going to start to feel. Emotions are going to start to come up. Emotions that you’ve been trying to hide by doing all of those things that don’t work.
I have a whole mass of Tools around what to do with those emotions when they come up, so you can deal with fear and you can deal with anxiety and actually kind of disappear the ways they’ve been showing up that are getting in your way, and instead USE the power of your emotions to get more of what you want with a man, more love, affection, tenderness, sex, everything.
The Fifth Step is about loving yourself, which has become a big thing on the web, but I created small, very do-able tools for you to begin to love all parts of yourself, so that a man can love you.
My Sixth Step I call Circular Dating. It’s a concept I came up with, which I created a whole other program around called Targeting Mr. Right. Circular Dating is not just about dating. It’s not just about getting a bunch of numbers of men around you, although it’s kind of crucial that you do that.
What it is – Circular Dating is practicing my tools “in the field.” It is every time you speak to a man on the street or behind the counter at a market or in a coffeehouse, every time you smile at a man, you’re having a Circular Date. It can be a boy. It can be an older man. It can even be a woman.
It simply means you’re using my whole extensive toolkit of speaking and feeling, of using Feeling Messages, of sticking to my Four Rules, of all kinds of emotional tools and word tools and “Scripting” tools – and you’re practicing them out in the field. That’s what Circular Dating is. And it can look like actual dating, it looks like dating more than three men at a time – and I explain how to do that in Targeting Mr. Right.
The Seventh Step – I call it Change Everything, which is about putting it all together to actually “shift your vibe.” In other words, you can change your hair. You can change the clothes you wear, the colors you wear and surround yourself with – all those things actually make an impact on how you feel about yourself. They actually do make a shift in your “vibe” and also the things you change on your inside.
The routine you have from morning to night. What you think. What you think about what you think. What you think about what you believe. All of these things change your vibe and that is Step Seven.
What I do in Commitment Blueprint is basically help you get this relationship to your “Happy Ever After” and that led me to Modern Siren, that is my most popular program and was a big surprise!
Steve: The thing that I’m hearing is that each time you go through this process of helping people, other things come up and as is often the case, something that you originally think is just a small step, people say, “Oh, I want to know more about that,” and I guess that’s where Modern Siren came from. It was a step in Commitment Blueprint, which then kind of grew to become its own system, product, toolset, yes?
Rori: Exactly, and it’s actually kind of shocking. When I did it, I didn’t expect anybody to really get it in such a huge way. It’s all image driven. Modern Siren is based on the whole myth of the siren. The idea that the sirens are these mythical beings, these incredible women playing on their island….
Now we all, on my blog, use the term here – we’re on Siren Island where you’re just busy having fun playing on Siren Island and men come from everywhere in their boats and they’re so drawn to you, so drawn to you as a siren that they crash their boat of freedom, of single bachelorhood, and they climb up the rocks to be with you on Siren Island.
Basically it’s about drawing men to you as opposed to feeling that you need to go out and chase men, and most of us feel we have to go out and do something, when – actually – we are magnets for men! It’s all about sirenhood and it’s all about images. There’s eight essential pieces plus a lot of other tools. That’s where my famous The Six E’s come from.
Modern Siren is about being an invitation. It’s about opening up your heart and it’s about letting a man in and it’s about letting your vulnerability and who you are radiate out, so that men everywhere can see that and feel that and they just beat a path to your door and it happens.
When you work with Modern Siren, your whole world turns upside down. It really works. It was one of the most fun things I’ve ever done.
Steve: Cool. Modern Siren, like you say, is lots of imagery and I know one of the other popular programs is Love Scripts and is that something that grew out of Modern Siren or did that come as one of the other steps from Commitment Blueprint?
Rori: Love Scripts is part of my Rori Raye mantra, which kind of encompasses all of these seven steps. The mantra goes: Trust your Boundaries, Follow your Feelings, Choose your Words, Be Surprised.
All of my programs, including Modern Siren, incorporate the “Boundary” issue in all kinds of different imagery ways and explain what that actually means – that it’s not a wall between you and a man. It’s this inner strength that you feel, that you just believe you have.
Love Scripts basically comes from following your feelings and choosing your words. What I really discovered in coaching women is that every woman who works with me basically asks me “What do I say. What do I say to him? When he says this, what do I say? When this is happening, what do I say?” Because my whole idea is you get what you want without even asking for it.
“How do I get it without asking for it…” and also my whole method is about being direct, straightforward and honest and truthful and exactly sharing your feeling state exactly as it is. No strategy, no games.
It’s a very man-friendly way of “being.” Very clear. Very emotionally open. Very direct.
I was always “scripting” with women. I would role play, so I’d say I’m him and you’ll be you and then I’ll coach you. We would start and it’s very slow going. I call each “exchange” where you say something and then the man says something a “round.” Or where the man says something and then you say something. One round. If you can get to two, three rounds, you’re doing amazing.
Basically I’ve discovered that by scripting an entire conversation, it pretty much goes that way.
It’s pretty reliable, because when you’re in a relationship with a man, or even just on a date with him, he’s pretty predictable. Guys are pretty predictable. You ask the same questions. “How are you doing? How’s it going at work? What’d you do today? What do you do for a living?”
The same questions get asked consistently and so, I scripted. I have you script. I have a woman script the answers in a very personal, emotionally open way and it’s just mind blowing to even start thinking in words this way.
I created an entire program for it. One program is for if you’re dating. One program is if you’re in a relationship, but actually you need them both because the dating one is for every time you meet a person and the relationship one – you’re going to be IN a relationship if you use the dating one! You’re going to be in a relationship.
It’s basically putting words in your mouth. It’s giving you actual scripts for different occasions, hundreds of them, and then I teach you how to script, how to create your own. If there’s a unique situation I haven’t covered, I teach you how to create your own.
That has just turned out to be a lifesaver for so many women. You can just kind of pull it out of a hat. I really am big on memorizing.
Steve: I can believe that. As you know I’m in the dating world and I have to say one of the things that makes me smile, well, I’m always surprised at, is how far and wide your stuff has spread, because I’ll be talking to a girl and she’ll say one of your set lines and I don’t say anything – I just smile because I know what’s going on, but I don’t want to spoil it for them because that’s their fun.
Rori: Most men could not care less. They don’t hear it. You could say the word “feel” a thousand times in one paragraph and they wouldn’t notice it. They would just notice that they feel so much happier being around you. So memorizing some lines and building your own based on the guidelines is a great thing to do.
Steve: I can totally understand that, because when you’re out dating, not so much in relationships because you’re more comfortable, but if you’re feeling nervous or distracted or whatever, it really does help to have just a set thing to say even if it’s just the thing that helps you get started. It really does help. I can understand why people like Love Scripts so much.
Rori: Thank you.
Steve: There have been times when I’ve actually called a girl on what they’re saying and said, “I know you’re using Rori Raye’s stuff,” and they just kind of look surprised and then want to talk about it. The conversations I’ve had, the people I’ve spoken to, have been very enthusiastic, so if you ever worry that Rori’s products are a scam, I can tell you, I know they’re definitely helping people.
Rori: Let me ask you this. If you have a conversation with a woman and you know she’s using my, let’s say, “Feeling Message” Tool. Does that actually bond you to her more quickly? Does it start to create more attraction, even though she continues to use them, do you actually feel much more comfortable with her while she’s doing it, even though you know?
Steve: Yes, even though I know. We have that phrase “tainted by knowledge.” I think my thing is that it’s not just the fact that she’s saying those things. It’s the fact that she’s made the effort and she’s actually got your stuff and she’s actually learned your stuff and she’s using it. That is what makes me way more open to that person.
Rori: How interesting. Does it feel like a more authentic conversation to you?
Steve: Yes, it does actually.
Rori: Because the whole point is to be who you are, not to just use somebody elses words, but to find your own feelings and express them in a clear, honest way.
Exactly. So to wrap up, we’ve been talking with Rori about all of her different techniques and skills and tools and the place you really want to start is by signing up for her free newsletter. I actually read those emails from beginning to end and they’re always great. I will tell you they’re long and they are packed with information. You get little tools and techniques that you can use, an actual step-by-step sometimes.
That’s definitely the place to start, and then if you’re ever thinking of getting one of the products, the best one to get, because it’s kind of the foundation of everything, is the Have the Relationship You Want eBook, which is inexpensive. It’s the best place to start and that really will kind of get you kick-started into making the best out of your current relationship and also dating and interacting with men.
So, Rori, thank you so much for stopping by and giving us some of your time and interesting and educational information.
Rori: Thank you. You’re welcome.
Steve: So that’s our Rori Raye Review from me at LoveRomanceRelationship.com. Hope you enjoyed our chat with Rori and we’ll see you next time.